mdolla: Asking a Girl Out Doesn't Need To Be Hard, You Just Need To Know How

Tinder has revolutionized the way that we date. As of 2016, the app had 25 million users, 1.5 million of whom pay for it. There’s a clear demand for the service, and it represents a shift in how people date. Back in the day, we used to meet people first to decide whether we wanted to date them. Today, we’ve flipped this model on its head. We prefer to talk before we have an in-person meeting.

Date the real person, not the person she created using her phone

Starting a proper relationship requires so much more than typing into a chat box. You can’t stay in the chat room forever. If you want to make a real connection with someone, you have to be able to have a face to face meeting.

You can never truly know someone if your communication consists only online messages. People can easily fake their reactions or disguise their intentions through text. Think about how often people type “lol” without laughing out loud. Even worse, some individuals create fake online personas to swindle people.

When you meet someone in person, you can see their facial expressions, pick up on their tone of voice, and get a real sense of who they are. They won’t be as likely to fake a reaction, and you can see their response in real time.

Being physically present with a person is an important part of building a relationship. Having physical interactions can confirm intimacy and attraction. Online dating can involve far too much fantasy. If you spend too much time chatting with a person online, you may build up unreasonable expectations about the person.

The bottom line is, you’re going to have to ask her out. You may feel nervous doing this, but simply asking her for a date is the first step in forming an authentic real-world connection. Asking someone out can seem difficult, but there are a few things that you can do to ensure that you succeed.

1. Pay attention to your conversation

Your instincts about a person and situation can be a powerful indicator of whether it’s time to take the relationship off the screen and into reality. You should have a good feeling about the person before you suggest a meeting.

Have you been talking for a while? Sometimes people go online to look for casual dates. Their attention-span might be short. If you’re interested in having a more serious relationship, you’ll only want to ask someone you’ve been talking to for a while. Having a few conversations online first will help you determine whether it is the right time to ask her out.

If you’re having frequent conversations, you can determine a lot about the other person and choose your moment to ask for a date. If she seems to be hung up on her ex, or some of her responses don’t sit well with you, you may not want to ask her out.

On the other hand, if the girl seems genuinely interested in learning more about you, or if she’s indicated that she’s ready for a serious relationship, your chances of success are higher.^[1] If you feel like you have a connection with this person, remember to take things slowly. Girls tend to avoid guys who seem insecure or clingy.

Does it seem like she shares some interests with you? If you’ve discussed ethical questions, do you agree with her philosophy. Knowing that you have a few things in common can make the prospect of asking her out less scary. Even if you go on the date and don’t feel a romantic connection, you may still gain a new friend.

2. Ask about her availability before you suggest an activity

You certainly don’t want to be rejected because you suggested an activity that doesn’t appeal to her. Imagine if you ask her to see a movie that she doesn’t want to see. She can just say she’s busy that day, and you may never get the chance to meet.

See if she has some free time first. If she is interested, she will likely offer you some details about her schedule, and you can coordinate.^[2] Then, if you suggest an activity and she isn’t interested, you can decide on something else together, but the date will still happen.

3. Talk about possible date topics

You might feel like you have no idea what this girl would like to do for a date. Discussing topics that could become dates is a great way to improve your odds. Talking about movies and food are great choices. You can learn a little bit more about her, and you’ll get some hints about the types of things she’s like to do.

When she shows interest in a particular topic, you can use that as a natural lead into asking her out on a date. You might invite her to watch the movie or offer to take her to a restaurant that she likes. This is one of the smoothest ways to ask a girl out.

Imagine that she has gone on at length about how much she loves ice cream. You know that the new Wonder Woman movie will be playing in the theater soon, but you haven’t seen it yet. Ask her if she’s seen it. If she says that she hasn’t, but would like to, then you could say something like, “I haven’t seen the film either, but I’d like to. Would you be interested in going to see it with me?” If she says yes, you can watch the film, and you’ll get brownie points if you take her for ice cream afterward.

4. Make mental notes of things she has mentioned

This is one of the easiest ways to ask a girl out because you can use information that she’s given you to suggest something in which she’s interested. If you do this well, she’ll also see that you are a good listener.

In this case, you can suggest that you both go to a place she’s mentioned before. If she told you that she loves Mexican food from Guadalajara Grill, asking her if she’d like to go there with you isn’t too much of a stretch. In this case, you save yourself some worry because you already know that she likes the place.

You’ll never know if you never ask

Asking someone out can feel intimidating, but if you don’t give it a shot, you’ll be stuck sending her texts until she gets bored and moves on to someone brave enough to meet her in person. Yes, rejections do happen, but wouldn’t you rather be rejected early-on instead of devoting lots of time and energy to someone who isn’t interested in you? If someone rejects you, dust yourself off and find someone else. When one door closes, another one opens.

Stay positive, be yourself, and take the chance to meet the girl in person.