mdolla: Why Some People Are Always Indecisive

Life is full of tough choices. We choose the best food for our bodies, the best partners for our lives. We choose jobs that we hope are fulfilling and meaningful, and friends that are supportive and kind. We choose whether or not to have children, to eat a second serve of dinner or save it for tomorrow. Some choices are small and some are large, but each day is made up of a series of choices that we have to make as part of being an adult.

Why making choices is so hard?

Choices, however, have consequences. And when we are responsible for the outcome of a decision, this can be a lot of responsibility. So why are some people better at taking on the important duty of decision making? And why are some of us left in the dark, struggling with choice and floundering in the grey area before taking one path over another.

Signs of Indecisiveness

Indecisiveness does have character traits that we can recognize. Those struggling with decision making can be fidgeting, nervous, and worried looking. If you are not equipped with the mental tools for decision making, such as recognizing the factors involved, summing up the negatives versus the positives, making lists and deciding logically, it can result in the anxious thought cycle. Perhaps you could ask yourself:

Am I worrying excessively when confronted with a decision?
Am I sweating the small stuff?
Am I nervous and fidgeting when trying to decide?
Does the idea, or the responsibility of a decision, give me anxiety?

Answering these questions can help us to understand where we sit in the spectrum of indecisiveness. Once we begin to understand how we feel about making choices, we can begin to also understand how to better deal with our anxiety.

Indecisiveness Is Linked to Low Self Esteem

Experts say that one of the main reasons for indecisiveness is low self esteem. ^[1] They also state that it is a form of anxiety, which is only worsened by the rumination of thought – hence the indecisiveness. The thought process is stemmed by self doubt which is stemmed by low self esteem. This then results in an inability to choose one thing over another and the cycle continues.

Self esteem is something we all deal with. In layman’s terms it is fear. Fear of not being enough, not being good enough, and not feeling good about who we are. We may have been through some emotional trauma at a young age, or perhaps we have been hurt at our most vulnerable, resulting in feeling emotions such as shame. Shame is the voice within us that occurs and reoccurs, telling us that we are not deserving, or that we are not important enough to have an effect on the world, particularly with the choices we make. Shame can be powerful if we lend it a voice. If we stay inside indecisiveness, our self esteem only declines and we can spiral into depression or anxiety disorders. But by reclaiming our own personal power we dispel shame and begin to put an end to the negative thought patterns.

Dealing With Indecisiveness

Action is key – any decision is a good decision. When we begin to take risks, we learn to trust ourselves to make decisions. Remember – decisions don’t have to necessarily be the right ones. We all make mistakes. But the great thing about making choices is that we can make them, and then make them again. If we travel down the wrong path – choose another.These tips can help:

Positive self talk. It is the key to resilience. So take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, look at the factors involved, and plunge into a choice.
Take some time to learn about decisiveness. It can help strengthen your resolve.
Weigh up the factors involved. Look at decisions logically.
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Recognize that these thoughts are unhelpful.
Dare to be different. Vulnerability is not weakness. Shame doesn’t have to be your ruler. Take back your power and make the rules for your own life!