mdolla: How to Negotiate When the Person You're Talking to Is Stubborn

It can be very frustrating when the person you are talking to is stubborn. It can feel like they are not willing to listen to a word that you are saying, which makes you wonder why you are even bothering to make your point in the first place.

However it may be more than just stubbornness that is stopping your friend from changing their mind. According to psychologists, the more one person tries to convince someone else of something they don’t agree with, the more the other person will blindly stand their ground. ^[1]

This might make it seem like it is impossible to change their mind, but that isn’t the case. In reality you can use useful negotiation tips to help the other person see your point of view, and this can be beneficial for both of you; it opens your minds up to new ideas and it makes it easier for you to understand each other.

If you want someone to see your point of view, here are four useful negotiation tactics that will help.

Present Both Sides Of The Argument

It may seem counter intuitive to present the other person’s side of the argument as well as your own, but in reality this will make you seem more rational and reasonable. If you want to change someone’s mind about something you need to make sure that they don’t dig their heels in and start feeling defensive, which will happen if you only present your own side of the argument. They will feel like they have to defend their side, which will quickly disintegrate into a disagreement that can’t be resolved.

If you present both sides of the argument you are giving the other person a reason to try and see your point of view so that you can co-operate with each other.

Focus On Showing Them The Whole Picture, Rather Than Trying To Prove Them Wrong

It can be tempting to prove the other person wrong as soon as you realise that you disagree with their point, but instead you show present the whole picture. Instead of focusing on the disagreement between the pair of you, focus on the underlying problem that bothers both of you. For instance, maybe your friend has a different political opinion to you, but it is likely that you both want the best for your country in all senses; economically, politically and socially.

Bring the argument around to the points that you can agree on, so that the other person knows that you both have similar interests. This will make it easier for you both to discuss your opinions with a positive mind set.

Highlight The Negative Parts Of Your Argument

No-one likes to acknowledge that their argument is flawed, but if someone disagrees with you that means they must perceive flaws in your argument. For this reason they will find your points more credible if you highlight the negative parts of your argument. This will make you seem reasonable and rational, and it will make it seem like you have spent a lot of time thinking about both sides of the argument before settling on an opinion. You can even put a positive spin on the negative points to help them see the argument from your perspective!

Point Out That In The End It Is Their Decision

Stubborn people will feel defensive and annoyed if they think that you are forcing your opinions on them or trying to change their mind, so you should remember to take the time to point out that in the end it is their decision. You may be debating with them and providing them with useful facts, but you are not trying to shove your opinion down their throat; they are free to refuse or accept your opinions.