mdolla: This Is What Real Life Romance Is Like: Be Curious About What Your Partner Does

If someone were to ask you about romance, how would you define it? What does it entail and mean to you? Hollywood does a great job of giving us a very distorted view on what romance is, and sets unrealistic expectations when it comes to our own relationships. Movies like The Notebook or Dear John, for example, have personally given me unrealistic expectations when it comes to love and romance. I mean, who wouldn’t want the love of their life to build them a home exactly the way they wanted? But when it comes to real life relationships, romance is much more complex than in the movies.

Gifts and surprises can make you forget what love really means…

We would all be lying if we said we didn’t want gifts or surprises from our significant other from time to time. It shows us that they pay attention to what we say, and makes us feel important when they surprise us with something because we know it took them time and planning. However, giving frequent material items can really make a person end up craving more and more things rather than the actual affection we get from them. It will make a person lose sight of what love is really all about. Love and romance is not about gifts, it’s about getting to know your partner on a deeper level so you’re able to have a stronger connection with them. Material items often provide short-lived satisfaction.

Trust me, your curiosity is the precious gift your partner wants to receive

The key to having a more romantic and long-lasting relationship is curiosity. When you’re curious with the person you’re with, it means that you’re curious about their world and everything in it. Let’s say your girlfriend enjoys going to broadway shows. You may not have any desire to go to one, but you go because it’s not about the broadway show, it’s about showing her that you desire to learn more about her through the things she loves. You may not have enjoyed one second of it, but it’ll give you something else to talk about over dinner after. Or maybe you’ll really enjoy it, and it’ll give the two of you something else to do together. Doing these types of things will cultivate intimacy and help build a stronger and better bond between the two of you.

Curiosity breaks the wall and make you two as one

Curiosity isn’t about just engaging in activities that your partner wants to do, it’s also being curious about them as a person. It allows for better communication. Sometimes we tend to jump to conclusions and make assumptions. You may also find that you are judging your partner for certain habits they have or decisions they make. When you’re consistently approaching your loved one in these ways, it’s very easy to misread situations, unintentionally hurt their feelings, and cause unnecessary arguments.

For example, your partner may have a difficult time talking about their feelings and, as a result, they internalize a lot and shut down during important conversations. This may give you the impression that they don’t care about your feelings, or care enough about the situation to find a solution. Instead of assuming, jumping to conclusions and getting frustrated, try to get to the bottom of the deeper-seeded issue. This gives your partner the opportunity to let their walls down and to open up to you about something you didn’t know about them, which will allow the two of you to bond more and become closer.

Forget the movies and enjoy the romance in real life!

Again, love and romance is more than just gifts. It’s about all the things money can’t buy you. It’s about time, attention, affection, and curiosity. All of which are more valuable than any gift you could ever receive. When you replace gifts with all of those things, you give your relationship the opportunity to reach new heights and depths it may not have otherwise reached.

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