The Scientific Explanation on Why We Attract What We Are

Have you ever noticed a pattern in your romantic relationships? We tend to have very specific behaviors with our partners and these behaviors tend to repeat themselves. Maybe you’ve been called “clingy” a couple times? Or maybe you run from relationship problems rather than work through them. Whatever your particular relationship pattern, it can all be explained by attachment theory.

Attachment theory helps explain the attachment style we use in our adult relationships. Understanding this, is the key to finding a lasting relationship.

Your attachment style determines who you attract.

How can understanding attachment theory help you find a partner? Well, your attachment style affects every aspect of your romantic relationships, from being attracted to a particular person to how the breakup goes.^[1] Learning more about your attachment style, helps you learn more about your personal needs and how to get those needs met.^[2]

Attachment theory can help you understand what strengths and weaknesses you bring to a relationship and how you can make those traits work in your favor. The more you understand your attachment style, the more likely you are to find somebody that matches and complements that style.

We are all wired to one of the 4 types of attachment styles.

According to attachment theory, there are 4 types of attachment styles^[3]:

1. Secure Attachment

If you experienced a secure relationship with your parents and grew up feeling safe to grow and explore independently, you probably have secure attachment. This means that you tend to feel secure and close to your partner, but still respect each person’s independence in the relationship.

2. Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

If you have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, it might be hard for you to feel satisfied in your romantic relationships. In fact, you might be described as clingy or possessive as you rely on your partner to make you feel happy or to help you overcome your fears. You might even spend a lot of time worried that you will lose your significant other.

3. Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

If you are a dismissive avoidant, attachment theory says that you tend to isolate yourself from your partner. You might come off as unconcerned with your relationship and may go so far as to say that having a romantic partner isn’t that important. You try to avoid emotional connection with another person.

4. Fearful Avoidant Attachment

If you have fearful avoidant attachment, you probably experience two kinds of fear simultaneously: the fear of letting yourself get to close to your partner and the fear of being too distant with your partner. Living in this constant state of confusion takes a toll on your emotions. People have probably told you that you’re emotional and unpredictable because your moods tend to change dramatically and with no warning.

According to research, around 50% of the general population has a secure attachment style, 20% has an anxious attachment style, and 25% has an avoidant attachment style.^[4]

In the dating world, that is single and available adults, you’re more likely to find somebody who fits one of the avoidant attachment styles. Why? Because people with secure attachment have a higher probability of being in a committed relationship.^[5]

So, you’ve looked over the relationship styles of attachment theory and think you know which category you fit in. So now how do use that information to help you find a lasting relationship?

Some people tend to be drawn to a specific type of people.

Attachment theory tells us that people with certain attachment styles tend to be drawn to somebody of a complementary nature. What does this mean? If you’re an anxious or avoidant person, you might find a secure person to be a little boring. You crave drama, mistakenly believing it is the same as sharing romantic chemistry. A securely attached person isn’t going to provide that.

As a result, avoidant and anxious people often end up together. Two avoidant people make for barely there relationship; both people spend all their time avoiding each other. Two anxious people make for an unpredictable and high stress relationship; each convinced the other is going to abandon them.

But an anxious and an avoidant person together? These 2 attachment styles complement each other in that an anxious person is willing to wait around for their avoidant partner to commit to the relationship. This anxious attachment actually validates avoidant behavior by letting the avoidant know their behavior will be tolerated.^[6]

Securely attached individuals can be with any of the style according to attachment theory. This is because they can validate their partner’s feelings and help them overcome their fears. So how can you achieve a secure attachment style?

It’s possible to change your attachment style.

First, you need to accept your attachment type by being honest with yourself. If you are an anxious partner, admit it.

Then, ask yourself why. Think back to your childhood, write down all of your memories if you need to. Really look at what happened to you while growing up and try to make sense of it, try to determine how it is affecting your adult relationships today.

Making this connection can help you develop a more secure attachment style, which can help you find a lasting relationship.^[7]

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]	^	PsychAlive: How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship
[2]	^	PsychologyToday: How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship
[3]	^	PsychologyToday: How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship
[4]	^	PsychCentral: How to Change Your Attachment Style
[5]	^	ArtOfWellbeing: 14 Things You Need to Know About Adult Attachment Theory
[6]	^	ArtOfWellbeing: 14 Things You Need to Know About Adult Attachment Theory
[7]	^	PsychAlive: Understanding Insecure Attachment

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If You Follow These 2 Rules to Make Decisions, You're More Likely to Succeed in Life

It’s estimated that we make about 35,000 decisions every day.^[1]

These decisions include: what to wear, what to eat, and what to say. In the latter case, you’re likely to have to decide thousands of times a day on what you are going to say to others. This could range from ordering your morning latte at your local café – to putting your point across persuasively in a team meeting.

Decisions… Decisions… Decisions…

They are constantly needed for us to actively partake in life. However, were you taught how to make decisions at school? Probably not. It’s likely that you were also not taught that effective decision making is an essential component of success.

To help you out, I’m going to give you a brief tour of what skillful decision making looks like, and how you can learn to do it.

You Don’t Need to Be a Know-It-All to Make Right Decisions…

There are two little-known methods of making great decisions. These two methods have been tried and tested over the years by the vast majority of the world’s most successful people.

Can you guess what these methods are? (Please compare your answers to what you’ll read below.)

Winners in Life Make Decisions Quickly

• Indecision leads to mental fatigue. By making quick decisions, we can maintain our mental vitality, which gives us the best chance of making the correct decisions going forward. As an example… You need to decide on how to reply to a customer complaint letter but keep putting it off. This ongoing issue is likely to negatively impact any other duties or decisions that you need to make at that time. Instead, decide how to reply to the customer – and then write the letter.
• Quick decisions put you ahead of your competitors. Imagine for a moment that you run your own company that sells computer software. Your industry is super-competitive, and you constantly need to offer new deals and new products to stay in the game. You hear about an exciting new piece of software that is trending across social media. However, you’re not sure whether the software will be a good fit for your business. You could choose to ‘wait and see’ how the software sells for other companies, or you could decide to take the plunge and become a reseller immediately. Luckily, you picked the latter, as the software proves to be one of the most popular releases for years. You won big, because you acted quickly.
• Perfect decisions are a myth. I know what you’re thinking… Surely, if I spend time weighing up the pros and cons of a decision, I can come to the perfect conclusion? Unfortunately not. In fact, it’s a common misconception that a perfect decision is just waiting to be found. Think of it this way, if you seek the perfect decision, you are probably going to end up making no decision – and thus taking zero action. Successful people look for the best decisions, but they also understand that perfect decisions are few and far between. For example, if you’re looking for a new job, firstly decide what area of work you would like to do. Then narrow this down to specific roles. You may end up with just one role, but usually it’s better to keep your options open by having several alternatives.

Winners in Life Stick to the Decisions They Make

• It takes time to see whether a decision was wrong or right. Let’s say that you want to move home to a city that you’ve always enjoyed visiting. You sell your current apartment, and then immediately purchase a property situated in the heart of the new city. After your initial enthusiasm has worn off, you begin to see the negatives: the city is noisy, it’s polluted, and you don’t know anyone. At this point, you could conclude that you made a bad decision. However, if you were to give the new apartment and city more time, you may change your mind. For example, you may discover quiet, green parks for relaxing in nature. You may also start to make friends with people you meet when you’re out and about. Eventually, you may come to love your new home.
• It’s easier to make further decisions based on your initial decision. Career decisions are at the top of most peoples ‘difficult choices’ list. You may have one idea, but your partner or family may have other ideas for you. The secret is to reach a decision promptly – and then stick to it. This has a number of benefits. Firstly, once you have made a decision, you can get on with the required steps to achieve your career goals. Secondly, when you come across any challenges to reaching your goals, you’ll be able to take the necessary decisions within the context of your initial decision. This will help you to make the right choices – and with the least amount of mental effort.

5 Surefire Ways to Help You Stick to the 2 Rules When Making Decisions

While it may take some time to break your current habits, becoming a great decision maker is easier than you may believe.

Implement the below methods, and watch both your decision making and success begin to reach new heights.

Set your decision criteria

The most important thing when it comes to decision making is knowing exactly what you want to achieve. If you’re not absolutely clear on your objectives, then it will be tough to come to any decisions.

Imagine that you were considering taking up a new hobby but had no idea where to begin. If you leave this to chance, you’ll probably end up doing nothing. A better approach is to analyze what you are already good at and enjoy. For instance, if you love listening to music, then learning an instrument might be a great hobby for you.

Stop endless information gathering

In today’s ‘information age’, we’re led to believe that researching all the facts and figures before making a decision is a necessity. This is okay, until you find yourself becoming addicted to unearthing more and more information about something. When this happens, you become a full-time researcher, and a no-time actioner!

Break free from this ‘analysis paralysis’ by knowing when you’ve gathered enough information to make a good decision. You can see this demonstrated in detailed reports that always include an Executive Summary. For busy CEOs, the Executive Summary gives just enough information for them to understand an issue – and to make a decision on it.

Assess the risk/reward ratio

Every time you make a decision, there is a risk that something could go wrong – but also a reward if something goes right. Let’s say that you need to decide on a whether to accept a promotion at work. The new position offers more money, but also comes with more responsibility.

To make a decision on this offer, you would need to assess whether the extra money was worth the added responsibility. To give you another example, professional investors live by their chosen risk/reward ratio. Before each investment, they decide what the potential gains are, compared to how much they could lose. Only once they are happy with this ratio do they decide to invest their money.

Decide on a backup plan

However good your decision making, there will times when things go wrong (sometimes badly!). For this reason, it’s vital to always have in place a backup plan when making major decisions. Professional athletes are an excellent example of this. At any time, their career could be prematurely ended through injury. Because of this looming threat, most professional athletes have a backup plan ready to be actioned. This could be a university degree that will allow them to quickly move into a new career, or if they want to stay within athletics, then they may have taken the necessary training to become coaches or psychotherapists (for example).

Create decision making habits

First-rate decision makers didn’t become that way overnight. Instead, they honed their decision making over months and years. You must do the same. Start by getting into the habit of making decisions promptly, and then sticking to them. If you struggle at first, then begin with small decisions, and then move onto the bigger decisions when you have more confidence to tackle them.

Outstanding achievers have learned how to be great decision makers. Fortunately for you, the secrets to their success have now been revealed to you.

Take this knowledge – and begin immediately applying it in your life. Decide to be successful. And then let all your future decisions lead the way to the top of Achievement Mountain.

Reference

[1]

^

Roberts Wesleyan College: 35,000 Decisions: The Great Choices of Strategic Leaders

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Are You the Jealous Type? Check the Signs and Identify the Root Causes

There are times when jealousy affects the best among us. However, it is not always perceived the same. Different people may experience or display jealousy in contrasting fashion, owing largely to their personality types. But regardless, you need to understand that whether you believe being jealous is justified or not, it eventually ends up becoming a destructive influence, and will negatively affect your wellbeing.

But Just What Is Jealousy?

In its simplest form, jealously can be defined as an emotion, or combination of emotions that manifest as either thought, actions or emotional feelings. It is believed that most people will experience feelings of jealousy at one point or another in their lives, and while the reasons for jealousy are common among all walks of life, the expressions can vary significantly.

How To Identify If You Suffer From Jealousy

The appearance of jealousy may not always be obvious from an outside perspective, but traits are present that you would be able to identify. These include:

• You Snoop: this can include prying into private mail or email, screening phone calls, or just needing to know where your significant other or loved one is at all times. This can also include friends, who may be in contact with others you despise, causing you to feel left out.

• Pettiness: if you find yourself picking arguments for tiny things, and disguising it as “telling the truth”, this is one of the signs of jealousy. On a subliminal level, the goal is to make the other person feel some of the emotions you are experiencing, but sugar coating it at the same time.

• You Constantly Experience Doubts And Need Reassurance: eventually, a point is reached when your significant other/friend stops entertaining outbursts of jealously, and this is when things take a new level. You may find yourself outright questioning that person if they still care about you, but are never convinced enough to listen to the reassurances. This could be a slippery slide down to a very dark place, so try not to have your feelings of jealousy get this bad.

• Insincerity: jealously does not just stem from the belief that your partner is hiding an external relationship, but can also be triggered when the other person is uplifted. This can be as a result of a promotion, an extravagant gift from a relative, or anything that make the other person happy. You may say “congratulations” or “I’m happy for you”, but your true feelings show through as insincerity.

• You Humiliate In Public: this is extremely bad, and may include snarky remarks like “you’re checking that guy/girl out” and more. These public displays of humiliation that embarrasses your companion stem from jealousy, or bringing up past failures/ mistakes.

Why Do Your Experience Jealousy?

Most of the causes of jealousy are common; meaning that if you experience it, the triggers are the same, regardless of cultural differences. These commonly include:

• Insecurity: insecurity often does not just randomly appear ^[1], but develops slowly over a relationship. For example, if you notice your significant other publicly checking out other people, you develop some feelings of insecurity. Likewise, being uncomfortable with who you are, and then equating it with the fact that you’re not good enough for your partner can further insecurity.

• Fear: primarily the fear that your partner will leave you for someone better, may cause you to lash out and more publicly display jealousy. This could be the worst possible way to handle things, however, as lashing out due to fear will only serve to worsen things.

• Competition: completion in a relationship is very common, even though you might like to believe that one person uplifts another. There is a constant battle on the low to see who is the “better” person in the relationship, which may lead to development of jealousy in at least one person. Not all competition is healthy competition, as we were taught in school.

Why Jealousy Is A Matter You Should be Concerned With

It is believed that a little jealousy is good, as it shows that you have “interest” in your significant other, but this is not really the case. In fact, we all experience jealousy- that is a fact. But there are significant differences in the way we express our jealousy.

In fact, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality test (MBTI), differences in our personality type determine to a large extent the way we deal with jealousy. This is why some people seem unbothered by jealousy, or why some people do not see why their partner is acting out. On the other hand, some people experience a larger degree of extroverted emotional feelings than others, whereby they wear their emotions as a proud badge of honor.

At the end of it all, what you should be concerned with is the way jealousy can alter your relationship. You can use it productively to change the way you handle your emotions, or let it run amok like wildfire and cause destruction. Your choice.

How To Address Your Jealousy

• Shift Your Point of View (POV): sometimes taking a step back and trying to visualize if you’re being fair can help you control your outbursts. It doesn’t work for everyone, but is worth a shot.

• Remind Yourself That You’re Worth It: if you feel undervalued, or underappreciated, you need to remind yourself that there are things you bring that no one else has to offer. Then, if you are 100% sure you are not appreciated, leave a relationship where you are often belittled.

• Practice Mindfulness: meditation can help you develop appreciation for the present, and boost self-control as well. This is a useful tool in minimizing jealous outbursts.

• Seek Support When All Else Fails: talk to a trusted friend, or a professional in an effort to get a foreign perspective. This can help you judge if your jealousy is unwarranted.

Reference

[1]

^

Lifehack: 4 Ways Insecurity Hinders Personal Growth

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What to Do When You Run into Your Acquaintances and Feel Socially Awkward

There are some people who we interact with – maybe a friend of a friend, a neighbour or an old colleague we once worked with – a person who we don’t consider a friend but isn’t a stranger to us either. They belong in the ambiguous part of our social circle where you feel slight distance between you both which can sometimes be embarrassing and slightly awkward.

You find your interactions stay locked in superficiality mode with no common experiences to create a bond and no inside jokes to get past that barrier. There’s that feeling between you that knows you’re only pushed together out of circumstance and chances are you’ll probably never create a long lasting relationship. Sound familiar? This is your typical acquaintance.

The Awkward Moments With Your Acquaintances Are Probably Like This…

We’ve all experienced it – that moment when you realise you’ve built some kind of foundational relationship with someone but you can never quite get it past the next step.

The first few interactions seem to pass the normal social test of polite small talk, an acknowledgement of your similar circumstances and you walk away with a sense of a future friendship.

But your next interaction starts to wane and get awkward – you struggle to know what to say and you start to feel the weird vibe between you. You don’t want it to be there, but it’s there and the awkward feeling ensues. You question yourself – is it me? Is it them? But what it really is, is a lack of commonality and ability to continue under these circumstances. It could go a little something like this:

You: Hey! Love your Paris t-shirt, I went to Paris and loved it! Have you been?

Them: Oh, yeah thanks! No, I actually haven’t been, this t-shirt was a present but I’d love to go one day.

You: Oh you really should. It’s amazing!

Them: Great, well…yeah maybe one day I will!

You: Cool….well see you around?

Them: Yeah maybe see you around.

The next interaction you have may start to become awkward because you feel you need to reach for a commonality or ice breaker (in this situation, the t-shirt) again, but it’s this need for constant small talk that keeps us in the cycle of doom when it comes to future meetings with the same person.

How Can We Overcome These Awkward Situations with Acquaintances?

We all want to be better communicators and avoid awkward interactions as much as possible. And if it means being able to develop a great friendship with someone then even better. So what can we do if we encounter these situations?

Here I will show different levels depending on the length of interaction with your acquaintance.

Level 0: The ‘Quick Hello’ Scenario

When we bump into our acquaintance on the street it can feel pretty awkward. We’ve spotted them and we know they’ve spotted us so there’s no going back. Ignoring or pretending you didn’t see them is a no-no because it can be destructive to the possible development of the relationship. So what do we do?

The best advice in these situations is to keep it as short and sweet as possible. It’s natural to feel like you need to ask questions to glaze over the awkwardness but this can actually create it instead. So don’t enter into a discussion about how they are or where they’re going because this kind of conversation can be hard to maintain in a ‘bumping into’ scenario. Instead, simply make eye contact, smile and say hello.

Level 1: The ‘Stuck in a Confined Space Together’ Scenario

Say you and the other person enter the same lift. You know it’s a restricted amount of time to have a full blown conversation but you also feel too awkward to stay silent for the short duration. The idea here is to not start a conversation by asking questions but simply dominate the interaction by talking about something in particular. You could start mentioning an interesting app you’ve discovered or a good restaurant you went to round the corner. It doesn’t matter if what you say doesn’t elicit an answer – the beauty of this is to cut out the awkwardness by cutting out the small talk. The other person will probably be thankful for the direction of conversation and takes the pressure off them.

Level 2: The ‘Walking in the Same Direction’ Scenario

You may be walking in the same direction for whatever reason and you realise that the conversation you have will need to be drawn out longer than you may have enough conversation for. When we’re in this mindset, the dreaded awkward silences start popping up.

The secret to these lengths of interactions is to choose your common ground and talk around it. For example, if you both have a mutual friend then create a conversation around them or if you both work at the same place, talk about a recent work issue. These are good types of conversations that can carry on for a few minutes without any awkward silences. Of course, if you’re feeling like you’re going to start running out of conversation soon, then establishing which direction they’re heading in and say you’re heading the other way is a natural and less awkward ending to the interaction.

Level 3: The ‘Realising You’re Going to Have to Spend a Significant Period of Time Together’ Scenario

It may be sharing a ride home or some situation which means small talk and trying to bring up your limited commonalities isn’t going to cut it. It’s time to start thinking about appropriate topics that are easy-going for both of you and where your acquaintance can contribute on an easy level – this could include travelling, food, holidays or restaurants.

The key here is to find a topic where neither one of you can dominate the conversation and the sole purpose being to sniff out clues as to what they may be interested in. You can then use these clues later as elaboration points if the conversation starts to wane. For example, if they mention they’ve lived abroad when talking about future holidays then you can use that as a point to bring up later on and ask them more about it, where it was and what it was like.

Remember that these people who have managed to fall into the acquaintance trap may only stay acquaintances for a little while. Don’t judge the potential of a friendship on the first few (possibly awkward) interactions with them. Sometimes friendships take a bit more tending to and nurturing through discovering further commonalities or shared experiences so always give it a chance.

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No Matter What Your Personality Is, You Have the Potential to Lead

Have you ever been told that the path to success is designed for extroverts? Some people insist that unless you are a socialite, you’ll have a hard time making it in today’s fast-paced and communication-heavy world. Extroversion is not a prerequisite for success, and leaders like Bill Gates have proven this to us. On the flip-side, maybe you’ve been convinced that only the most introverted leaders can navigate the complicated waters of globalism. Have we taken these personality-type labels too far in our quest to find a one-size-fits-all recipe for success?

The original theory behind introverted and extroverted personality types comes from the work of Carl Jung.^[1] One publication suggests that roughly 50-74% of people are extroverts, while 16-50% are introverts.^[2] Today’s scholarship moves away from this dichotomy to suggest that 68% of us are ambiverts, meaning that we possess the characteristics of introverts an extroverts.^[3] The numbers aren’t cut and dry, but they do demonstrate that we should view personality types along a spectrum.

Being an introvert is great, but it has its drawbacks.

If you’re the type of person who does best in small group and one-on-one interactions, and you prefer solitude over a night out on the town, you may be an introvert. You are energized by having time to yourself, and you’re not afraid to sit in silence and think.

Introverted leaders are adept at listening to multiple perspectives before they speak. They place greater value on the substance of what is being said over the manner in which it is said. They are able to view situations with objectivity, and are not easily swayed once they have drawn their conclusions. President Lincoln is a good example of this type of leader.

Since introverts spend a lot of time considering problems from multiple angles, they are excellent at anticipating change. Warren Buffet is a great investor because he is able to forecast developments in the market. Bill Gates has been able to ensure Microsoft’s success for several decades in spite of the rapidity with which our technology changes because he can visualize multiple outcomes.

Introverted leadership does have some downsides. Since they crave alone time, working in large groups and engaging with others can feel exhausting for introverts. Susan Cain argues that the world works against introverts in a number of ways.^[4] It may be harder for employees to read introverted leaders, which could give the impression that they are aloof, unapproachable, or uninspiring. Although they can usually anticipate change, introverts have a difficult time adapting to unexpected situations.

Extroverts know how to stand out in a crowd, but they also face pitfalls.

Extroverts exist at the other end of the personality type spectrum. If you thrive on social interaction and find time alone unproductive, you may be an extrovert. You enjoy thinking through your ideas out loud, and you are able to fly by the seat of your pants in the face of sudden change.

Extroverts tend to be great public speakers, and they have no problem with networking. They want to get to know people, they aren’t afraid to reach out to new clients, and they do well in groups. When the stakes are high, an extrovert thrives under pressure.

While extroversion comes with its advantages, there are also disadvantages to possessing this personality type. Since extroverts derive their energy from external sources, they tend to be more outspoken. This can give the appearance of impulsiveness or pushiness depending on the situation. Extroverts are also more likely to seek external validation than introverts.

How being an ambivert is the best of both worlds.

If you don’t fit neatly into the introvert or extrovert box, you might be an ambivert. Ambiverts possess some qualities of introverts and extroverts in varying degrees. According to a 2013 study, they tend to outperform their introverted and extroverted counterparts in sales by 24% and 32% respectively.^[5]

Ambiversion is a more balanced approach to leadership, and people who fall into this category have an easier time adapting to new situations. They can readily engage with both introverts and extroverts, and they may serve as a bridge between the two personalities in a group setting.

What can we learn from each other?

Instead of focusing on how you can convert yourself to a different personality type, consider the assets that each type offers. For example, extroverted leaders are outspoken, but when they are greeted with equally engaged employees, they may take this as an affront. Extroverts can strive to listen to their employees as deeply as introverted leaders without feeling threatened.

Introverts could take a page from the extroverts’ playbook by speaking up when something is important. While they loathe the spotlight, sometimes their contribution is too meaningful to be overshadowed by more vocal parties in the room.

Introverts and extroverts can benefit from finding the middle ground that their ambivert counterparts occupy. By working to foster connection between different personalities on your team, you can ensure that everyone feels affirmed and has a stake in the final outcome.

Some of the most important competencies for leaders, such as the ability to be prepared, listen, remain flexible, and thrive in solitary and group settings, transcend these type designations.^[6]

We need diverse leadership styles.

Businesses need diverse leadership styles in order to prevent stagnation. If we recognize the tendencies of introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts, we can find ways to maximize strengths and mitigate weaknesses that sometimes arise in the course of collaboration.

Leadership can work to strengthen their teams by understanding the personality traits and the inherent advantages and disadvantages of those types.^[7] For example, an extrovert may be an engaging presenter, but he or she may balk at committing several solitary hours to analyzing various data. By combining forces with an introvert, the extrovert could drive their point home in an exciting and carefully thought out way. On the other hand, an introverted leader who falters when plans change may still find excellence by partnering with an extrovert who is gifted in the art of improvisation.

Leaders that lean too far toward one extreme or the other without being mindful of how their personality type affects their work will have a difficult time making an impact. The Dominance Complementarity dictates that groups that achieve the greatest outcomes are those in which power is balanced between the collaborators. Leaders who stand firmly as introverts or extroverts without allowing space for their team to contribute sacrifice either motivation or creativity.^[8] The best leaders know how to motivate and engage their followership so that all people involved can be the best versions of themselves.

You are enough.

Regardless of whether you consider yourself to be an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, know that you are exactly as you should be. Attempting to fully conform to some other personality type is going to feel tiring and inauthentic. You can emulate aspects of other personalities, but never lose sight of yourself. You don’t need to alter the fabric of your being in order to succeed, but the best leadership knows how to deploy the strengths of all personality types on their team.

Reference

[1]	^	p.l.e: Jung’s psychological types
[2]	^	Psychology Today: Are extroverts happier than introverts?
[3]	^	Today: Winning personality: The advantages of being an ambivert
[4]	^	Forbes: So begins a quiet revolution of the 50 percent
[5]	^	Association for Psychological Science: Rethinking the extroverted sales ideal: The ambivert advantage
[6]	^	Emergenetics International: 5 Effective Leadership Skills for Introverts and Extroverts
[7]	^	Marathon Human Resources: Introverts and Extroverts in Leadership: there is more than meets the eye!
[8]	^	Industry Leaders: Introvert Leaders Vs Extrovert Leaders: Review of Leadership Styles

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How to Relieve A Toothache When A Dentist Isn't Nearby?

If I can remember one vivid memory of my childhood, it is toothache. I am someone who experienced unbearable pain of having toothache early in his life. Despite seeing dentists, I always had the swelling in my gums, headache, fever and bad taste in mouth.

It was a really nightmare.

Cracked teeth, cavities, an abscess in the gum line or loose filling may often lead to unbearable tooth pain.

Toothache is often described as pain in your teeth or jaw occurring mainly due to decaying of your tooth. It normally occurs when there is an inflammation in the dental pulp ^[1].

The causes of toothache can be different but if you like sweets, sugary drinks, do not brush or floss, chances are that you will face toothache at one point in time in your life.

The best way to deal with any tooth pain is to head to the dentist if your toothache is not subsided within 2 days. Depending upon the severity of the issue, your dentist can suggest various solutions such as medication and she may also advise you root canal therapy ^[2] , when the situation worsens.

But what do you do with the unbearable pain before you can make it to the dentist?

6 Accessible methods to spare you the pain for the moment

Here are a few easy ways to get some relief.

Swishing salt water

Prepare a ‘painkiller’ mouthwash by mixing a teaspoon of salt with boiling water taken in a cup. Swish it around your mouth for about half a minute and then throw it out.

It not only brings down the intensity of the pain but also reduces swelling and washes away debris accumulating around the teeth. Repeat this frequently and you are bound to get good results.

Icing the affected area

Take a plastic bag, put some small ice cubes in it and then wrap it with a thin cloth. Apply the bag to the area affected by toothache for around 10 to 15 minutes at a stress.

This will numb the nerves and hence will make you much less sensitive to the pain.

It has also been seen that by simply messaging an ice cube in the area connecting the forefinger and thumb, you can relive a toothache.

Rinsing with hydrogen peroxide

Buy a 3% hydrogen peroxide solution and keep it handy. It goes a long way in killing bacteria and bringing relief from discomfort.

Simply rinse your mouth with hydrogen peroxide and once you spit it out, rinse a number of times with water.

If you have foul smell in the mouth and fever along with toothache, hydrogen peroxide can provide a good temporary solution, but you need to visit your dentist to eliminate the infection completely.

Applying clove oil

Cloves perform wonderfully when it comes to numbing nerves, because they contain the compound eugenol, which has anesthetic properties.

But you need to be extremely careful while using clove oil, since pouring the oil over any sensitive gum tissue can do more harm than good by worsening the pain, which might require a root canal therapy from the dentist.

So, you need to take just two drops of the oil in a cotton ball and apply it directly to the tooth till the intensity of the pain comes down. You may also use a whole clove instead of clove oil.

Calming with tea

Peppermint tea is very useful in reducing swelling and toothache. Take a cup of boiling water, put a spoonful of dried peppermint leaves and let it settle for around 15 minutes.

Then swish the cooled tea in your mouth, followed by throwing out or swallowing. You may also try placing a wet peppermint tea bag over the aching tooth to relieve pain.

Treating with brown paper and vinegar

It is not exactly the remedy for a paining tooth, but this common country cure may be successful in distracting you to a certain extent.

Take a small piece of brown paper and soak it in vinegar. Then sprinkle black pepper on one side and hold that particular side to the cheek on the side of the aching tooth.

There will be a kind of warm sensation, which can distract you from the pain.

Once your toothache is relieved by going for one or more of these remedies do consult a dentist for further treatment.

As per the condition of your teeth, the dentist will prescribe medication and might also advise root canal therapy, which is one of the best treatments for troubled teeth and gums.

How to ensure long term prevention

Long term prevention is easy and can be done. For this, you need to do following 5 things on consistent basis:

• Avoid eating sugary foods on regular basis. Occasional eating may be allowed but avoid eating on regular basis.
• See your dentist on regular basis. With age, there occurs natural tooth decay so always make sure you see your doctor once a year at least.
• Regularly brush your teeth and also change the brush after every three months. Rinsing your mouth with mouth wash can also help to strengthen your cavities and general tooth health.
• Avoid drinking too cold or too hot drinks including water specially if you frequently face the toothache.
• Avoid yawning or taking large bites of food specially when in pain.

Above are some simple yet effective methods to deal with the toothache and can easily help you to avoid the same without spending too much on the dental care.

Featured photo credit: The Natural Penguin via thenaturalpenguin.com

Reference

[1]	^	NHS Choices: Toothache
[2]	^	Mapleridge Dentistry: Do you Need a Root Canal?

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What to Do When Your Kid Says He's Bored Again

“Muuuuum… Daaaaad… I’m BORED!”

If this is a cry you dread hearing, then you’re in the right place.

Children get bored easily and need lots of stimulation.

It can feel really challenging to keep kids entertained, especially if you have other commitments.

You might be tempted to simply sit them in front of the TV, but that won’t help in the long term.

Your child can learn to entertain themselves, with a little help from you.

Following the steps below will make your child much less likely to complain of boredom – giving you some much needed peace and quiet.

Work out when your child is likely to get bored

Is there a particular time or place your child often complains of being bored?

Perhaps it’s during long car journeys, or while visiting elderly relatives.

Identify the situation and start thinking about how it could be improved.

For example, you could try to avoid rush hour when travelling with your child, to keep the journey as short as possible.

If there’s no way to avoid the situation, try to plan activities that will keep your child occupied.

For example, if they’re always bored at grandma’s house, why not keep a few games or toys in a cupboard there? If it’s the car that’s the problem, plan some travel games, like ‘I Spy,’ and ’20 Questions’.

Being prepared is the first step towards beating boredom.

Make your child’s daily routine more fun

If boredom seems to be a routine for your child, rather than a one-off event, you should look at ways to make their daily activities more interesting.

Here are some examples that will make your child’s morning routine a lot more fun:

• Time how quickly they can get up and dressed in the morning – make it a competition.
• Put on music and dance while completing chores.
• Play underwater-themed pretend games in the bath.
• Give them lots of choices – like what to wear and what to eat for breakfast.

Try to make things into a game wherever possible – you’ll find that your child is much more engaged and co-operative.

Break homework/chores into small chunks

If there are things your child really doesn’t enjoy but still has to do, try breaking them into small chunks.

Promise your child a reward and a break at the end of each section – don’t just force them to work for hours on end.

You could create a chart with planned rewards, which might look something like this.

One chore completed: a packet of sweets.

Three chores completed: a trip to the park.

Five chores completed: an hour playing their favourite game.

Kids will be much more motivated when they have something to look forward to, and breaking tasks into pieces makes them feel less overwhelming.

Write a list of boredom beating activities

When your child is bored, it’s important that they learn to deal with it on their own.

After all, you won’t always be there to entertain them, and learning how to use their time is a valuable life skill. ^[1]

However, that doesn’t mean you can’t help out with ideas.

Sit down together and write a big list of boredom-beating activities, then put them in a jar or box and tell you child to pull one out each time they feel bored.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Draw a picture
• Play in the garden
• Write a story
• Blow bubbles
• Play catch
• Do a jigsaw
• Build an obstacle course
• Make up a dance
• Sing a song

Items like board games, toys, and play equipment can be kept a special ‘boredom box’ which your child can go to whenever they’re at a loose end.

Add new activities regularly to keep things fresh and interesting.

Ensure your child’s boredom isn’t due to depression

Boredom is generally harmless, but it can sometimes be a symptom of depression.

But how do you tell the two apart?

A child who’s bored will usually be excited to take part in a new activity or game, and will soon be back to their usual self.

On the other hand, a child who’s depressed may be uninterested, even in things they usually like. ^[2] They might continue to appear bored even while engaged in an activity.

If you’re worried about how often your child is getting bored, speak to a medical professional for help and advice.

Reference

[1]	^	Aha! Parenting: Handling Boredom
[2]	^	Healthline: Boredom

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