Did You Know Millions Of Couples Have Come Out Stronger After Taking This Love Test

Love isn’t always straight forward. Even when you seem to have found the perfect person for you, miscommunication and conflicting ways of expressing love can challenge any relationship.

Have you ever questioned whether your partner really loves you? Perhaps it annoys you that all they want is to be intimate yet never really tell you how they feel with words? Perhaps you go out of your way to find gifts to show you think about them but they seem unimpressed when they receive them? You may interpret them as being ungrateful but it could just be that they don’t value this as a particular sign of love.

When it feels so right to be with someone but the flow of giving and receiving love seems difficult it could just be down to the mismatch of our love language.

What is Love Language?

Love languages are how we express and consider love in different ways. According to Gary Chapman, the author of the book “The 5 Love Languages”, there are 5 different love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation: This is when a person uses words more than anything else. They express love by articulating their feelings more than physical action like spending time with someone or giving gifts.
2. Acts of Service: These are the people who believe actions speak louder than words. Showing someone love through an act is far more powerful than saying it to their face. This could come out in daily actions such as cooking their favourite dinner or running errands for them in order to show love.
3. Receiving Gifts: Many think receiving gifts is a big sign of love. They feel it shows they’re thinking of someone, that they’ve gone out of their way to make them happy and brightened their day.
4. Quality Time: Time is something we can’t get back so giving up your time to spend it with the one you love is one way of showing how much you love someone. For many it shows you’re making the other person a priority over anything else going on in your life at that moment.
5. Physical Touch: Physical love is important in a relationship whether it’s sex, cuddling or holding hands. Many people see this as a strong way of expressing their love over words or any other actions.

You may agree with some of these ideas of showing love or strongly disagree and this is where the problem could lie. None of these are right or wrong but if you show love through telling someone on a regular basis, but your partner shows it more through physical touch, there’s a danger of interpreting these two languages as very different.

Take the Love Language Test to Find Out How You Communicate Love

Everyone can express love in a different way from their partner. We tend to express love to others how we want love to be expressed to us. If we then receive love in a different way, we can start to assume that they are not loving us to the same degree as we love them. This is when relationships can start breaking down.Instead we should take the time to understand each others’ love languages to be able to interpret the way we love and the different ways we are actually loved by others.

Taking the love language assessment will give you insight into both you and your partner’s idea of expressing love. We’re all using different languages and the key is to interpret them correctly and translate them accordingly with no judgement.

The result will allow you both to understand each other and connect more fully in your relationship. But this doesn’t just apply to romantic love – our primary love language is most likely used in how we connect to friends and family.

So make sure you take the love language assessment to find out which language you tend to use and value the most. Swap results with your loved ones and use it as a way to find out and understand how each of you show your love for each other.

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How Loving Advice Turns Into a Weapon That Kills Relationships

“Don’t be upset.” “You shouldn’t worry so much.”

All of these statements are seemingly harmless and are meant to be helpful. But unfortunately, they are not either of those things. In fact, these statements could be construed as dismissive or insensitive. When your partner is already experiencing a period of doubt, the lack of support from you could lead them to even question your feelings for them.

Sharing a problem is sharing a piece of mind

When a person gets more intimate with someone, they are more willing to share their inner thoughts with them. They won’t just share how they feel with anyone because it’s only this “someone” that they can trust.

So when your partner is sharing their issues with you, they are making themselves vulnerable. When they share things like “I’ve had a tough day at work, my boss kept assigning me tasks even though I already had a lot on my plate,” or “I tried to help our neighbor out for her housework because she’s sick, and now I’m just exhausted,”  they’re not looking for a solution. They just want to vent to someone who will listen and try to understand.

Wanting to fix a problem is natural

Instinctively, when someone shares with you about their bad day, it’s human nature to want to help out, especially someone that you hold near and dear. By offering help and support, you are by no means intending to be offensive.

You may say things like “you shouldn’t worry so much,” or “from now on I will handle it,” or “but you shouldn’t feel that way, you should just…”

But sadness doesn’t need to be fixed

This sort of problem does not require a solution on your part. They’re not asking you for one. And saying things like, “don’t worry about it,” is rude and dismissive. This is offering unsolicited advice when your opinion was never asked for to begin with.

Your well intended advice could make them feel belittled, which will make them feel even worse because they are not receiving the support they need. This misleads them to think that you don’t care about their feelings, and you don’t try to understand them.

Think about your partners issues like metaphorical houseplant. Plants need to be watered. But they don’t need water all of the time. Trying to be helpful because you think you know what it needs, you over-water the plant. You think you’re doing a good thing, but the plant doesn’t actually need more water.

The disclosure of their problem was not an invitation for you to try to solve them. It needs to be expressed and processed.

Sometimes plants need water, but at other times they just need some sun. Sometimes people need advice, but at other times all that they really need is for you to listen and show that you are trying to understand. So instead of “over-watering your plant”, place it under the sun to give it the nourishment it needs.

Purge the urge, be the rock

When you are someone’s rock, you offer support simply just by being there. The rock doesn’t offer advice. The rock offers a place to rest until they are strong enough to continue on.

If there is no invitation to give advice, don’t. Chances are your partner doesn’t actually want it. If they did, they would have asked for it. Especially if your “helpful” advice entails what they should or shouldn’t do, how they should or shouldn’t feel.

Sometimes things that you say with good intentions can be received negatively, ultimately making things worse. There are a few things that you can do to demonstrate active listening and to just simply be there for your partner.

• Give reassurance through body language. Just listen. Keep eye contact and nod reassuringly as they are stating their points. This shows that you are intently listening, which is all that they really want.
• Validate their feelings. Instead of saying, “I know exactly how you feel, it’s hard.” Say, “I can never understand how you feel, but I can see that it’s very hard for you.” This way you are validating their feelings without being belittling or condescending.
• Show your consideration. Process everything that they have said to you and reiterate it in a way that shows understanding. Instead of saying, “you are under a lot of stress,” say,” you have a lot on your plate. The last thing you need it even more. I can see how this is very stressful for you.”

Lend an ear. Listen. Let them process through their issues by talking through it. Just simply letting it out might make them feel better.

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Revenge of the Lack of Sleep

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” That’s the mantra of the work-obsessed. You may feel like sleep is an area where you can cut corners, but not getting enough sleep is bad for your health and productivity.

Approximately 90% of people don’t get the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep that they need every night.^[1] Like many aspects of healthy living, we tend to ignore what’s good for us until we notice negative side effects of unhealthy choices.

If you’re forgetful, tired in the middle of the day, or have trouble concentrating, you may be sleep deprived. It’s tempting to work longer hours to get more done, but the reality is that you won’t be able to maintain solid performance without rest. You’ll more likely notice a drop in your productivity as you sleep less.

Sleep-walking through your life is dragging

Some people think they can make up for a night of poor sleep. Taking a nap the next day or sleeping in on weekends may make you feel like you’ve compensated for lost hours. If you’ve never had a health issue related to sleep deprivation, and you’ve been staying up late throughout high school and college, you might feel that this isn’t a big deal.

Unfortunately, you can’t just make up for lost sleep. Your body does best when you’re on a regular sleep schedule. Depriving yourself of rest is not like a charge on your credit card that you can pay off later. After you’ve lost the sleep, you can’t pay off sleep-debt. Read more about Why You Can’t Pay off a Sleep Debt You’ve Accumulated Over the Week.

Some people say that they can get by on 6 hours or less per night. They may be more tired than they realize. Just because you’re present and conscious doesn’t mean that you’re in top condition.

A study published on Brain and Behavior shows that our bodies sleep more efficiently if they have to, but our brains won’t be able to achieve peak performance.^[2] In fact, the brain of a person who sleeps less than 6 hours per night behaves like they’ve had a few drinks.^[3] Clearly, you won’t be able to do your best work if you aren’t well-rested.

You’re not yourself when you’re sleep deprived

A well-rested mind has the chance to be healthy and productive.

• Being tired makes you stubborn. Nothing makes you quite as bull-headed as wanting to take a nap. Even the most agreeable people become stubborn when they’re tired. Change requires energy, so naturally a sleep deprived person will be set in their ways.
• Forget about being creative. When you haven’t rested, you have to work extra hard to do basic tasks. With rest, you can come up with new ways to solve problems.
• You won’t feel motivated. Not only does your brain become less efficient after one night of poor sleep, but your drive to work also decreases.^[4] Even the easiest tasks seem challenging when you’re tired.
• Waiting around seems impossible. Patience goes out the window when you’re sleep-deprived. If you’re already tired, you may become impatient with anyone or anything that requires more effort or energy.

Find out more about how sleep is closely related to productivity here in this article:  8 Secrets About Sleep And Productivity I Wish I Knew Earlier

Break the sleep-deprived cycle

There’s still a lot that we don’t understand about sleep, but we know that our brains need it to function well. Just like your body needs to recharge after physical effort, your brain also needs real breaks to restore your energy.

Your mind has to rest in order to solve problems. If you focus on an issue for too long, you get tunnel vision. Allow yourself to enter diffused thinking mode, in which your brain works on the problem while you are doing other things. When you’re struggling, taking a break or sleeping on the problem is the best thing to do. Take a look at this article to find out Why Sleeping on a Difficult Problem Helps You Get the Answer.

Inspired to set yourself up for sleep success? Try Lifehack’s CEO daily routine: Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning

Being sleep deprived may not seem bad on the surface, but it can cause a lot of health and productivity problems for you. You can’t be the best version of yourself without rest.

Featured photo credit: Freepik via freepik.com

Reference

[1]	^	National Sleep Foundation: How much sleep do we really need?
[2]	^	Brain and Behavior: Sleep duration and resting fMRI functional connectivity: examination of short sleepers with and without perceived daytime dysfunction
[3]	^	Self: The Truth About People Who Say They Only Need A Few Hours Of Sleep
[4]	^	Asian Efficiency: Sleep Your Way To The Top (Of Peak Productivity)

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Juliaan Lampens - House for the architect’s sister, Gavere 1968....

Juliaan Lampens - House for the architect’s sister, Gavere 1968. Scans via, 2, photos © Filip Dujardin.

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Stop Self-Pitying Now Because Falling Down Is An Accident, Staying Down Is A Choice

Life is not always easy. The one guarantee that we all have is that it can change at a moment’s notice. Sometimes this is a good thing, and other times, we face struggles. When we go through hard times, it is easy to slip into self-pity. If we place mind over matter, we’re capable of incredible feats.

Determination can help you beat the odds

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (2007), starring Mathieu Amalric and Emmanuelle Seigner, tells the true story of Jean-Dominique Bauby (Jean-Do), former editor for Elle magazine.

When Jean-Do suffers a stroke, he becomes trapped inside his body. Although he is paralyzed, his mind is sharp. He learns to communicate despite his physical limitations.

Move beyond what you think is possible

Your mindset can be your greatest asset. Jean-Do proves that we are capable of overcoming obstacles if we don’t allow them to define us. While most of us will not face physical trauma nearly as daunting, we can learn a great deal from his perseverance.^[1]

We can either be overcome by challenges, or we can look at struggle as an opportunity to learn and grow. This film is a reminder that we can be extremely resilient–even in the face of difficult circumstances.

Close down the pity-party. Your only limitation is your imagination.

We all go through failures and challenges, but having the right mindset can help us overcome the lowest lows. Jean-Do’s story made me realize that I have no excuse for self-pity. His determination inspired me to have a better attitude when faced with adversity. Moments of struggle have told me the most about who I am. They made me stronger, faster, and more dedicated than I was before.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly gets 4 out of 5 stars for its inspirational storytelling.

Don’t let self-limiting thoughts get in the way of your dreams. Keep moving forward no matter where life takes you.

Reference

[1]

^

Life as a human: Life Lessons from The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

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