mdolla

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

20 Best Movies That Will Make Your Children Smarter, Happier, and More Mature

Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero with a Thousand Faces, found that all stories consist of a common structural element found universally in myths, fairy tales, dreams, and movies. They are collectively known as The Hero’s Journey. ^[1] It demonstrates that every story has a different lesson; and in every journey there’s a hero — you are the hero in your own life and in your own journey.

As a parent, we should find those movies and explain the lessons to our children. These life lessons will inspire children to change the world. Let’s see how movies deal with childlike universal questions and bring us powerful life lessons.

Let us now take a look at 20 movies you should watch with your children and the life lessons they provide us.

1. How to Train Your Dragon: Be Yourself

Hiccup is a misfit in a Norse village where fighting dragons is a way of life. He is tossed into dragon-fighting school by his father (the village chief), yet because of his progressive mindset, he befriends an injured dragon named Toothless.

This movie demonstrates that we should encourage our children to be who they are, not who the world (or we) want them to be. This is a difficult one for all parents, to include myself.

2. The Lego Movie: Be Different

An ordinary Lego figurine (Emmet) finds himself mistakenly identified as the Special, an extraordinary Lego destined to save the world. Hilariously unprepared, Emmet turns into an unlikely hero.

In all seriousness, this movie demonstrates the importance of being different. Stop trying to be like everyone else just to fit in. Strive to be different and embrace who you really are.

3. The Lion King: Learn from the Past

Simba is heir to the throne, yet forced to leave his family after his evil uncle Scar kills Simba’s father Mufasa. Simba returns to his homeland as an adult and faces his uncle (with the help of his friends).

The Lion King demonstrates the importance of learning from the past and the fact that growth can be scary. In the words of Mark Twain,

“I’ve had many worries in my life. Most of which have never happened.”

4. Toy Story: Work in Team

When a Buzz Lightyear (a new toy) arrives on the scene, Woody finds his position as Andy’s favorite toy in jeopardy. When Andy’s family moves, Woody and friends must escape the evil neighbors and reunite with Andy.

Friendship and teamwork are the keys to success in life. Embrace making new friends as it is always fun to get to know people.

5. Cars: Humility

Lightning McQueen finds himself lost in an old run-down town of Radiator Springs. He slowly befriends cars in the town who help him in his race at the Piston Cup Championship.

Without humility, we will fail to use our great power in a responsible way. Cars does a great job demonstrating this important trait. Remember the quote from the movie Spiderman,

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

6. Mulan: Take Control of Your Life

Impersonating a man in order to take her ailing fathers spot as he is drafted into the Chinese military; Mulan (accompanied by her dragon) falls in love with a soldier and outsmarts an invasion.

Mulan shows us the importance of taking control of our own destiny. Write your own story and take control of your own life.

7. Inside Out: Embrace Sadness

When an 11-year old girl’s life is turned upside-down due to a move, her emotions come to the rescue. However, this stressful and life-changing event is too much for her emotion Sadness. Sadness and Joy are swept into the far reaches of Riley’s mind – leaving only Anger, Fear, and Disgust in the headquarters of her mind.

Inside Out demonstrates the importance of allowing ourselves to express sadness and accepting the assistance from others.Sadness is a necessity in life. Understanding this feeling allows us to be more open to others who are experiencing sadness.

8. Frozen: You’re Your Own Hero

Anna races to save her kingdom after her sister Elsa causes a harsh winter with an icy spell. Anna must not only save her kingdom, but her sister as well.

As a father to a beautiful daughter, this movie was important to me. Frozen shows young girls that they do not need a man to save the day… in fact, the girl can save the day. And you can find true love from your family, from your sisters.

9. Moana: Follow Your Heart

In a daring adventure, Moana meets demigod Maui. They sail across the ocean encountering monsters and unbeatable odds; yet, Moana fulfills her destiny and discovers her identify.

Yet another movie that holds a special place in my heart. Moana teaches us the importance of following your heart. Time and time again, Moana battles between family expectations and where her heart truly wants to be.

10. The Pursuit of Happyness: Be Determined

A struggling single father (Chris) is evicted from his apartment with his young son and has nowhere to live. Chris lands an unpaid internship at a prestigious brokerage firm. Chris and his young son endure extreme hardship, yet they do not let life beat them.

There are so many important life lessons to take from this film; however, one trait stands out – determination. If you need proof, simply watch the movie… you will not be disappointed.

11. Beauty and the Beast: Look Beyond Appearance

Belle is drawn to a cold-hearted beast who was placed (along with his servants) under a spell by an enchantress. In a race against time, the spell can only be broken when the beast learns to love and is loved by the beauty (Belle) in return.

In Beauty and the Beast, we are presented with an unlikely love story, where a beautiful woman falls in love with an intimidating beast. This movie demonstrates the importance of recognizing the inner beauty in all of us. Look beyond appearance.

12. The Wizard of Oz: Unleash Your Potential

After a tornado rips through Kansas, Dorothy (and her dog Toto) are taken away to the magical land of Oz. She (along with her new friends) sets off on a journey to find the wizard in order to find a way home.

In this classic film, Dorothy was seeking a way to return home, yet she had the power to return home the whole time. She just needed to discover it for herself. Look deep within for your power.

13. Harry Potter Film Series: Confront Your Fear

On his eleventh birthday, Harry Potter learns who he really is. He discovers he is a wizard and possesses unbelievable magical powers. Summoned to a life of wizardry, he meets new friends and must avenge his parents death by the hands of an evil wizard.

Every film in the Harry Potter series demonstrates the importance of facing our fears. No matter how scared it may seem, we must learn to confront our fear.

14. Star Wars Film Series: Harness Your Power

Luke Skywalker receives a message from Princess Leia, who has been captured by the evil Darth Vader. He sets off on a journey to rescue her, help the Rebel Alliance against Darth Vader, restore freedom to the galaxy, and discover who he really is.

Use the Force! Think of the force as a symbol for the inner power and strength in all of us. Once we learn to tap into the force, we can accomplish anything.

15. Remember the Titans: Change to Grow

Set in 1971, a town and high school football team is forced to integrate an all-black school with an all-white school. The all-black school football coach is placed as the towns head football coach. An emotional and powerful movie, one coach is able to bring the team together.

This powerful movie demonstrates that we must change in order to succeed. We must change in order to move the world forward.

16. Alice in Wonderland: Dream Big

Alice spots a white rabbit with a pocket watch. Fascinated by the sight of this unique rabbit, she follows him and falls down a deep hole. She finds herself in a wonderful and spontaneous place called Wonderland (an illogical and fantastical world).

This film teaches us that everything is impossible until it isn’t. Dream it and do it. The queen said,

“When I was your age, I always did it for an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

17. The Land Before Time: Growing Up is Tough

A young dinosaur (Littlefoot) finds himself alone after his mother dies fighting a viscous dinosaur. In her dying words, she tells him to find the Great Valley. Along with his new friends, Littlefoot sets off on a journey while being hunted by the same viscous dinosaur who killed his mother.

The Land Before Time demonstrates that, even when someone in your family dies, they are still with you in your heart, and you’ll be brave enough to move forward. Growing up can be painful, but you’ll make it.

18. The Jungle Book: Be Thankful

Mowgli is an abandoned child raised in the jungle by wolves, where he is threatened by the man-eating tiger Shere Khan. After being forced from his family (the wolves) he sets off on a quest to find the man village. With the assistance of his friends, he is able to brave the perils of the jungle and confront Shere Khan.

In the film, Mowgli doesn’t obsess over the things or life that he does not have. Instead, he appreciates everything around him and uses the environment to his advantage. Cherish what you have and utilize them wisely.

19. Kubo and the Two Strings: Write Your Own Story

Kubo’s journey starts when he accidentally summons evil spirits of his mother’s past. On the run and aided by his friends Monkey and Beetle, Kubo must battle gods and monsters. Aided by a magical instrument, Kubo fights his evil grandfather and discovers the mystery of his deceased father.

We have the power to write our own story. This is evident when Kubo’s mother tells him of how she was supposed to kill his father. However, she fell in love with him and rewrote her story. She chose to be the sole author of her own story.

20. Trolls: Happiness Is Within Us

After her friends are taken by an invading Bergen, Princess Poppy sets off on a journey to rescue her friends from the Bergen’s. Poppy is accompanied by the overly-cautious troll Branch, where the unlikely duo not only rescue their friends, but fall in love.

Happiness is inside of us all. We can’t purchase it or even eat it… even if trolls taste good! When the following song (lyrics below) is played, my two-year old daughter immediately recognizes the importance of bringing out happiness in those we love. Opening lyrics for the song True Colors:

You with the sad eyes; don’t be discouraged; oh, I realize; it’s hard to take courage; in a world full of people; you can lose sight of it all; and the darkness inside you; can make you feel so small; but I see your true colors; shining through; I see your true colors; and that’s why I love you; so don’t be afraid to let them show…

I hope you’ll enjoy watching this list of inspiring movies with your children. Pick a few to kickstart your movie marathon for this weekend with your kids!

Reference

[1]

Michael Wiese Productions: The Writer’s Journey by Christopher Vogler

The post 20 Best Movies That Will Make Your Children Smarter, Happier, and More Mature appeared first on Lifehack.

from Lifehack http://ift.tt/2vpir8N

The Art of Not Knowing

The fear of saying “I don’t know” started long ago. In the past, a person’s ability to gain employment was based on their depth of knowledge and aptitude at a particular trade.^[1] Workers received intense training and usually performed an apprenticeship before they were considered a “professional” and respected as such. Saying the words, “I don’t know” was an indictment of incompetence.

But the work landscape has changed.

In today’s workforce, having in depth expertise is less valuable and has become a distant second behind potential. A person’s potential and capacity to learn is more important and far more valuable than encyclopedic knowledge on a particular topic.

The Beauty of Not Knowing

The birth of the internet created a huge shift in the information paradigm. Now, information, data and knowledge are literally at your finger tips. The impact of the information sharing on every level and subject, which is readily available 24/7, is a remarkably wonderful double-edged sword.

Things that were privy only to certain people and shared within closed circles is now accessible to all. If you want to know —you can.

The amount and magnitude of information available is overwhelming and incomprehensible. It has become almost impossible to be a true “subject matter expert.” The paradox is that both everyone and no one is an expert.

The shift in information sharing has also impacted workplace norms. Where it used to be frowned upon and taboo to use the words, “I don’t know” in a professional environment, it now has become acceptable and expected. Today people are hired based on their ability to process information not to memorize it — which is a far more remarkable and better use of the brain.

Our brains have gone from being storage containers to multifaceted microprocessors. Your ability to gather, comprehend, evaluate, synthesize, apply and create new information is your most attractive attribute — not your current knowledge base.^[2]

Embracing “I Don’t Know”

The quicker you embrace the fact that you don’t know everything about anything, the better off you and those around you will be. You will unburden yourself of undue stress at work and you shift your brain into a continuous state of learning.

The value in embracing and saying “I don’t know” lets you off the hook and helps reduce all of the misinformation pervading our information system. The truth is, your boss doesn’t care whether or not you can produce information on the spot, he or she is more interested in whether or not you can find the correct information quickly and apply it properly.

Chasing “I don’t know,” with “but I’ll get back to you shortly,” is the recipe for continued growth, humility, and opportunities.

How to Know What You Don’t Know

Now that you understand now knowing everything is totally okay in the workplace, it’s time to understand how to complete the process and close the loop. Not knowing is acceptable; but failure to rectify the knowledge gap is not.

Find out What’s Missing

The first step (after admitting your ignorance on the subject) is to ensure that you understand exactly what information you are being asked to provide.

Nothing is worse than misunderstanding what it is the other person needs and chasing your tail down rabbit holes. Make sure what information you are being asked to gather and synthesize and then find out how it should be presented. This is a simple yet critical first step.

Think Through What You’ve Got

Now comes the part of the process where you gather the necessary information.

Ensure your sources are reliable. Read the information and then put it into two categories: What you know and understand and What you need to know or need to clarify further.

Make a list of concepts that you need to research more in depth. Clearly defining and assessing the information is the first step in critical thinking.

Fill in Knowledge Gaps

Focus your energy on researching the things you don’t know or can’t articulate clearly.

Always work from authoritative and well-known research. Use information from industry experts. Start from an original source such as a research study and then work your way out.

Read the abstract first, then find easier to read blogs, articles, books and videos that are based on this founding research. This will help you understand if the secondary sources are accurate. This will not only assist you in understanding the information but reading “lighter” materials also assists you with finding the vocabulary and other tools (charts, graphs, infographics, videos, podcasts, etc.) that can help you accurately explain the concepts.

Suggest Actions

Once you have and understand the information, create a plan of action.

Your course of action depends on the initial request. If you are being asked to present the information for knowledge only purposes, plan your presentation method accordingly.

If you are being asked to provide a solution or recommend a course of action based on your findings, be sure to use a structured research approach such as the “Five Why’s”. Using a structured research method will assist you in making a logical and researched based decision that has passed multiple tests. It also will assist in catching and mitigating flawed logic which is inherent to any decision making process.

Discuss and Brainstorm

Once you’ve identified a few possible solutions using a systematic approach, talk through your research findings and thought process with someone else — your boss or trusted co-worker. Together you can brainstorm potential solutions or assist each other in finding creative and innovative solutions to the issue.

No matter how thorough you are during your research process, you should always seek the input of others. The only perspective you have — regardless of how much research you do is–yours. Seeking the counsel of others broadens your perspective.

Making “I Don’t Know” Palatable

If saying the words “I don’t know” makes you cringe, here are a few alternatives:

“I don’t have a concrete solution at the moment. Let me gather some information and I’ll get back to you.”
“I don’t want to make a hasty decision that we may regret, please give me a few hours to look into this.”
“This particular situation may warrant a different course of action, I’ll do some research and get back to you by the end of the day.”

These are just examples— modify to fit your communication style and situation. The thing to note is that in each example you make it clear that:

You don’t have an answer.
You are going to research the topic/possible solutions.
You provide an appropriate time frame in which you will provide the information/suggested solution.

This approach allows your boss and colleagues to know that you understand the importance of the issue. It also lets them know that you are reliable and are going to work to find the best possible solution in lieu of handing them a half-baked, under-thought remedy which may do more harm than good. In the end, you actually walk away looking more competent, caring and committed than had you been able to provide an answer immediately.

Not Knowing Doesn’t Make You Impotent

“I don’t know” is a legitimate, acceptable and more importantly— responsible response when you don’t know an answer.

Your credibility doesn’t lie in your ability to provide encyclopedic knowledge on demand. We have the internet for that.

Instead, your credibility lies in your ability to track down, research and synthesize information and provide that information in the proper format to the proper people.

Reference

[1]	^	Encyclopedia.com: Postindustrial Society
[2]	^	eLearning Industry: Information Processing Basics: How The Brain Processes Information

The post The Art of Not Knowing appeared first on Lifehack.

from Lifehack http://ift.tt/2voSAxE

Fantastical Illustration by Vladislav ErkoVladislav Erko is a...

Fantastical Illustration by Vladislav Erko

Vladislav Erko is a famed Ukrainian artist who creates detailed and lush illustrations of fairy tales and literary works. You can also see his illustrations for Alice and Wonderland. Thanks to Graphicine.

Be transported by art - follow us by Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Posted by Lisa.

Fantastical Illustration by Vladislav ErkoVladislav Erko is a... crss

Fantastical Illustration by Vladislav Erko

Be transported by art - follow us by Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Posted by Lisa.

crss

Why Do Parents Become Helicopter Parents

It began innocently enough with Suzy helping her daughter Jane with her 1st grade diorama. Her daughter began the diorama on her own, but Suzy began to see that it looked as though a 3 year old had done the work. She knew she needed to intervene or her daughter would not get a good grade on the project and would be hurt when she saw how good the other kid’s projects looked. Suzy knew that all the other parents would be helping their kids. She didn’t want her daughter’s project to look like a joke. Suzy did such a great job on her daughter’s diorama that she got an A+. What a relief, since she was certain the diorama that Jane had begun would have resulted in a failing grade.

Suzy then started helping Jane with other homework projects, essays, and even extra curricular efforts like debate and mock trial speeches. Jane earned high marks in school and all her teachers adored her. Unfortunately, a day came when Suzy was no longer able to help Jane with all of these school projects. Jane went off the college and found herself overwhelmed. Instead of making A’s, she was now barely pulling C grades. She was feeling stressed out, defeated, and depressed.

Suzy’s case is becoming more and more common.

Our culture of competition is making parents try even harder when it comes to parenting their kids, which can lead to helicopter parenting. Many parents believe they are using good parenting skills to the max. Unfortunately, maximizing good parenting skills can skew the skill and it is no longer beneficial. For example, a parent who helps their child with homework when the child is struggling and asking for help is far different from a parent who hovers over their child at the table each night as the child completes hours of homework under the strict guidance of their parent.

Helicopter parenting is taking a good parenting skill to the extreme, where it is no longer helpful or beneficial in the long run. Helicopter parents are taking over their kid’s lives to the detriment of their children. There is a rise in the prevalence of helicopter parenting and a subsequent rise of children who are truly struggling when they leave home to begin life as an adult. Over parenting is harming our kids in the long run.

Research has shown that there is a correlation between helicopter parenting and children who develop depression and anxiety. This research also showed that these young adults had poorer coping skills, less ability to think creatively on their own, and had difficulties in problem-solving.^[1]

How Parents Become Helicopter Parents

The first reason that most parents become helicopter parents is because they want their children to be safe. This form of helicopter parenting is often seen with the parent who is following their child all over the jungle gym even holding them down the slide out of fear that they will get hurt if they are left to play on their own.

Some fears are legitimate when it comes to safety and some are stretching the fear to far and a blanket of worry envelops not only the mom or dad, but subsequently the rest of the family. Allowing for small injuries on the jungle gym is ok and even helpful in the long run, as children learn to be more careful on their own. Otherwise, children may end up with bigger injuries when they experience bigger physical challenges, such as a skate board park when parents aren’t there to prevent injuries and provide the words of caution.

A few injuries when they are younger and in safer environments (places intended for small children to play) will help them learn on their own that they need to protect themselves from harm. Children need to learn to protect themselves from harm, as they will not always have their parents there to protect them, especially as they get older.

They love their children and don’t want to see them fail. Parents want their children to succeed in life, as they want them to feel that confidence of doing well in life. They desire the best for their children and their abilities. They don’t want their children to be harmed, and failures can be painful. However, not allowing for small failures prevents them from learning how to cope with failure, which creates more problems for children in their future.

The parent’s ego gets in the way. Too many parents are identifying their own personhood with their child’s. They see their child’s failures and successes as their own. Therefore, they want to help their child be a success, so they over-parent to the detriment of their child in the long term. Parents must separate their identity from their child’s for the sake of their child’s future.

The Fallout of Helicopter Parenting

When parents over-parent or engage in helicopter parenting they are hindering their child in the following ways:

Stifle Creativity

That homework project they were assigned was for them to brainstorm and creatively think about in order to construct the project of their own ideas. If parents give their kids the ideas and brainstorm the ideas for them, they are stealing the opportunities for their children to think creatively.

Instead, parents need to allow their children to think creatively in constructing their projects or assignments.

If they ask for help, a parent can help their child to help themselves. Asking open ended questions that can lead to the child producing creative thoughts is helpful. Children should be praised for their own thoughts, even if it is far different than what their parents would think or do.

Encouragement of the child to think for themselves and not minimize their intellectual capabilities by criticizing their thoughts in any way is paramount. If their thoughts are unrealistic then parents can ask more open ended questions so that the child can realize they need to reel in the idea on their own and see the potential pitfalls along the way.

Children may surprise parents with their creativity and solutions to set backs along with way.

Prevent Development of Coping Skills

If Jane had earned a failing grade because of the diorama in 1st grade, she would have experienced a failure and learned how to handle those feelings. She would have also learned that she earned her grade herself, which gives her more autonomy and power over her academic career very early in life. Allowing for failures along the way, allows children to develop the skills for coping with those failures. It also allows for them to react to the failures by trying things differently the next time or asking for help if needed (help, not the parent to take over the project).

Instead, parents need to allow their children to experience small failures along the way, so that they can develop healthy coping skills.

Parents need to refrain from rescuing their child from all of their small failures. They need to allow them to fail on their own. Parents will see that their child’s character will begin to develop. They will discover their work ethic along the way and they will figure out how to best handle failures on their own.

If parents rescue their kids from all the small failures, then what will happen when they have a huge failure (like dropping out of college or getting fired from their first job) and there is nothing a parent can do to solve this problem or prevent the failure once it happens? That child, or young adult, can get seriously depressed or worse, since they don’t have adequate coping skills developed earlier in life.

Parents must allow for their children to fail. A parent can help them cope with the failure in a healthy manner. Children will subsequently learn to do things differently to have a different or better outcome next time round.

In developing good coping skills, parents should be there to provide support. This means parents are there to listen to their child when they experience a failure, hard ship, or are simply dealing with a difficult situation.

A good way of coping with these things is to verbally talk things through and to use “I feel” statements. Parents can help a child develop coping skills by encouraging their child to express their feeling about the situation at hand using “I feel” statements. Utilizing this method helps children take responsibility for their role in the situation rather than pointing fingers at others and simply placing blaming on others.

Helping children open up and talk is one of the key ways to help them learn to cope with a situation. They can also problem solve their issue while coping with the difficulties they are feeling at the same time, as they can go hand in hand.

It can be hard for a parent to see their child experience sadness, anger, and disappointment. However, if they can learn how to cope with these feelings earlier in life they will be better equipped to handle even bigger issues as adults, which will inevitably come their way.

Take Away Chances to Build Self-Confidence

If a child’s grades are being earned by projects completed entirely or even partially by their parents, the child can’t feel confidence in their own abilities. Kids are smart. They know when they have or have not earned the grade or marks based on their own abilities.

If their parents are helping so much along the way, that child can feel that their parent is helping them because perhaps they are not capable of earning decent or acceptable grades. Their parents stepping in to help all the time undermines the confidence they may have in their own abilities. If a parent is continually overstepping the child’s ideas and work for a project then that child will learn that their work is subpar and thus their confidence slips away.

Instead, parents need to encourage children in their own abilities and capabilities.

This means that parents need to allow their child to do projects on their own so that the child can earn the grade themselves so that they have confidence in their abilities.

When they do things on their own, it is empowering. Even if the grade is not what a parent may desire, it’s more important that children are confident and able to do tasks on their own. Parents can’t hold their child’s hand through adulthood and help with the projects that they will undertake on the job, so parents must allow them to experience doing things without help early in life.

Allowing for independence in the completion of their work will help them become confident and competent at the same time.

Inhibit Decision Making Practice

When a parent decides everything for their child from their clothing, to their food, to which schools to apply to study at, they are taking away that decision making power from their child. If the child has not experienced the necessity of making everyday decisions, then they will be ill equipped to enter adulthood.

Adults needs to be able to make good choices and decisions. If a child hasn’t been allowed choices or decisions, they haven’t experienced the success or failure of their own personal decisions.

Instead, parents need to help guide and direct their children on big life decisions but also allow them to make smaller choices and decisions along the way.

It is empowering for a child to make personal decisions over their life, but it can also be scary. That’s why parents must start small and grow the decision making abilities as their child matures and shows good judgement. A good parent isn’t going to allow their 5 year old to get a tattoo, because they want it and made that decision for themselves, as this is far too important and permanent decision. However, it is empowering at age 5 to allow the child to pick out their own clothing or to select gifts for their siblings for holidays.

Parents need to allow their children to begin to make age appropriate decisions at a young age, that way when they become adults they have made enough good and bad decisions along the way that they know the consequences. They also will develop personal preferences and opinions. These are all empowering things to have as a young adult.

Obscure the Consequences of Their Own Behavior

If a parent is continually bailing out their child from bad situations and not allowing consequences to occur, then the child will not develop an understanding for real consequences.

For example, if a child is continually late for school and they walk themselves to school, yet their parent calls the principal and takes the blame, thereby getting the child out of detention, then the child has not learned that being late for school leads to detentions. They learned that their parent can bail them out and get them out of trouble. This can lead to higher risk behavior because the child believes their parent can rescue them from consequences.

Instead, parents need to allow their child to take responsibility for the actions and suffer the consequences.

Will it be hard for a parent to see their child suspended or kicked out of an activity because of their actions? Of course. But these are all learning experiences. The goal is for a child to understand that their behavior affects themselves and others. Consequences are essential to this learning process. If a parent always prevents the consequence then the child does not learn the lesson. This can lead to worse behavior and worse consequences that a parent may not be able to help their child with in the future (such as jail time).

Parents who allow their children to learn from their consequences are being good parents, even if those consequences are difficult on the child and parent.

Hinder Independent Problem Solving Skills

Problem solving is an essential life skill in order to become a competent adult. If a parent is always solving their child’s problems that child doesn’t learn how to think of solutions on their own and carry out these solutions. If the parent is problem solving for their child always because they are trying to make their child’s life easier, they are doing a huge disservice to this child.

How will they know what to do when their flight is cancelled someday in the future, or what to do about their flat tire when they are stranded on the side of the highway? They can call their parent for advice, but what if that parent isn’t available? Their ability to survive in the real world is greatly diminished when parents problem solve their issues all throughout childhood.

Instead, children need to experience problem solving from early on in life to learn how to get out of tough situations. Parents can guide their children through appropriate questioning to get their child started in the right direction.

For example, if a child cannot find their toy anywhere and they go to Mom to find it, then what is the best response from Mom? Is it to go and look for the toy? Or is it better for Mom to ask the child where they last had the toy and suggest that they take some action on their own? The later is more helpful, as it empowers the child to think about where to begin looking for the toy and they do it on their own. They will find the toy and thus solve this problem with little to no help at all.

That is goal of parenting, to help our children develop skills by which they can solve their own problems as they arise in life. If they feel that their parents will solve their problems, then they will become dependent on their parents for this life skill that is utterly essential for survival in the real world.

Parents must help their children problem solve their own issues early in life, with some guidance and directed questions, but allowing the child to follow through with the solution on their own. Doing so will empower their child to eventually become independent problem solvers in the future.

Helicopter Parenting Turns Children into Sheep

The end result of parents who helicopter parent their children is young adults who don’t know how to be human on their own, they are merely sheep and the parents are the shepherds.

Children who grow up with helicopter parents don’t have the skills needed to make life decisions, to cope when things go bad, and they don’t understand the consequences of bad decisions and behavior. Their parents have been hovering over them for years, making every decision, completing every project, and controlling every behavior to the point that the child doesn’t have an identity that is separated from their parent and likewise for the parent.

Parents whose ego or identity is tied to their child will make decisions on the basis of themselves, rather than allowing for the child to have autonomy (with some parental guidance and direction along the way). Parents must realize that independence, and to experience failure, are essential to creating competent and successful adults. If children never experience failure or the ability to even make their own decisions during childhood, they won’t be able do so in adulthood.

Parents need to allow for their children to do the things that they are able to do, to try to do the things they may be able to do, and to allow for failure and consequences along the way in order to learn from these things. Doing so will help children become autonomous, confident, and competent young adults ready to take on the world, not sheep who enter adulthood and the real world without their shepherd.

Featured photo credit: Helicopter Parents via bing.com