Sunday, June 11, 2017

Illustrations by Daniel Ignacio







Illustrations by Daniel Ignacio

Illustrations by Daniel Ignacio









Illustrations by Daniel Ignacio

Insecurities Are Hidden Wounds That Bandages Can't Fix

It’s no coincidence that media will turn to the childhood stories to seek out where things went wrong when a star has a meltdown. The explanation might just be the attachment theory. This could also be part of the reason your relationships as an adult are suffering today. Find out what it is exactly and how you can help yourself heal from it today.

The attachment theory is the emotional and physical attachment you experience with your mom or dad growing up.[1]It was John Bowlby who first coined the phrase after doing studies on brain development in children. The study showed that when you have a strong bond with one or both of your guardians, you’re mentally more sound. Attachment will connect certain behaviors kids have. This includes seeking out the attachment figure when they feel threatened or afraid. Bowlby studied disturbed children and found that children really do need their mother in particular.

When there is a disconnect at a young age, it causes problems in adult relationships.

You may have unrealistic expectations that cause relationships to break down. Maybe you’ve never thought about what happens within you when anxiety builds up over small things. You may be overly jealous and hate yourself for it. These feelings don’t allow you to have a sense of peace in your life. This problem with attachment, in theory, may cause you to look like the psycho girlfriend or the over protective boyfriend. It may be that you have never known what it feels like to belong to something or feel secure.

Whether a child feels secure plays an important role in how secure the adult feels.

Author Meghan Laslocky wrote a book about how to deal with heartbreak.[2] She attributed to knowing the ins and outs of the attachment theory. This helps you to understand where these needs come from. Once you know why you’re needing excess love, constant praise, and desperate for intimacy, you can start to move past it.

A child’s intimacy and sense of security with their primary caregiver will play an important role in how secure the adult feels in life.

There are various symptoms that come with a childhood where you weren’t given the proper love you needed.

Fear of intimacy might be one of the problems you have. You might avoid getting into a serious relationship so you don’t have to deal with the deep emotions that lie beneath.

You never learned to open your heart to someone and the brain tells you it’s unfamiliar. When the brain hasn’t dealt with an experience before, it will produce your fight or flight response.

There’s no need to endure childhood emotions in your adult relationships any longer. There are ways that you can combat your insecure feelings though. You will not only get in touch with your own heart but you can share love with other, without the fear that you might get hurt.

Seeing a therapist about the deepest hurt you have will allow you to unpeel all of those layers.

For so long, you have been covering up your feelings that built up through not feeling loved as a child. Researchers Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan found that about 60 percent of people have a secure attachment, while 20 percent have an avoidance attachment, and 20 percent have an anxious attachment.[3]

Seeing a therapist will help you uncover the pain that’s been sitting there for decades. This will allow the healing process to begin and you’ll be given tools to start rebuilding relationships.

There’re also more ways to fix your insecurity in any relationships.

If you believe that your relationships aren’t working because of your childhood experiences, there are some steps you can take.

  • Understand your attachment pattern by doing some research on attachment theory. There is plenty of information online from scientific to deeply emotional accounts. Find what resonates with you. Knowing what you’re dealing with will help you combat it.
  • Seek out friends and partners who exhibit secure attachment, this is the opposite of negative attachment styles. You don’t need a partner in crime full of their own emotional problems. Research has said that half of all adults have secure attachment. It’s believed that a positive experience with a person who is secure will help you deal with your insecurity.
  • If you’ve already fallen in love with someone, built a life, and both have similar issues with attachment, going to couples therapy might be helpful. If you can go through the journey of changing attachment patterns together, you can handle anything.
  • Staying relaxed is essential. With almost any type of therapy, the West has now recognized the need for calmness. The emotions that you experience as you uncover your childhood pain should include yoga and meditation. Centering yourself as you deal with emotional storms is a holistic means of powerful healing.

What you’ll get in return when you do heal is worth it.

Remember that secure attachment in your romantic relationships can extend to the rest of your life. Your interactions with the Starbucks barista can be more enriching. As you open your heart more naturally, you’ll gain more energy in your life.

If you boost your security, you become more generous and compassionate. That feels really good too. The more you give, the more secure you will become as well.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

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Editorial Illustrations by Vincenet MahéGraduating from French... crss















Editorial Illustrations by Vincenet Mahé

Graduating from French art school, Les Gobelins, Vincent Mahé is an editorial illustrator based out of Paris.


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Editorial Illustrations by Vincenet MahéGraduating from French...















Editorial Illustrations by Vincenet Mahé

Graduating from French art school, Les Gobelins, Vincent Mahé is an editorial illustrator based out of Paris.


More unique art on Cross Connect Magazine:

Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

Posted by Magnus Atom

crossconnectmag: Living Cities by Victor Enrich Victor Enrich...

















crossconnectmag:

Living Cities by Victor Enrich

Victor Enrich sees cities in a unique way.  A Catalan artist working in Barcelona, he gives buildings “self-determination” .  To him cities are alive, and so in his art buildings bend and stretch, even jump.  According to Victor Enrich:

Each part of the city acts as a catalyst of feelings, ideas and digressions that, once after its empowered soul emerges, becomes alive, unrestricted from norms, ready to fly into new, yet unexplored shapes (via Victor Enrich)

His images are taken from Munich, Barcelona, and other cities around the world.  Thanks to Design Boom.




More art that reflects the world on our Facebook Page.

Posted by Lisa.

crossconnectmag: Living Cities by Victor Enrich Victor Enrich... crss

















crossconnectmag:

Living Cities by Victor Enrich

Victor Enrich sees cities in a unique way.  A Catalan artist working in Barcelona, he gives buildings “self-determination” .  To him cities are alive, and so in his art buildings bend and stretch, even jump.  According to Victor Enrich:

Each part of the city acts as a catalyst of feelings, ideas and digressions that, once after its empowered soul emerges, becomes alive, unrestricted from norms, ready to fly into new, yet unexplored shapes (via Victor Enrich)

His images are taken from Munich, Barcelona, and other cities around the world.  Thanks to Design Boom.




More art that reflects the world on our Facebook Page.

Posted by Lisa.

crss

How to Get What You Want at Work By Strategic Negotiation

There are things at work that employees want to get and things that employees want to achieve at work, but they keep thinking that it is hard. However, there is something that employees can use to get the things that they want, and that is through strategic negotiation.

Negotiating is one of the things that people seriously don’t like. Whether it is a confrontation or mindset that they are people that don’t deserve to win, there are a lot of people who avoid any situations which require negotiation. However, strategic negotiation doesn’t have to be always like that.

Negotiation can be helpful to achieve the things that you want. Here are the things that you can do to utilize strategic negotiation in getting something at work successfully.

Always prepare everything you need for a negotiation and conduct research

When entering a negotiation without a proper plan, strategy and preparation can already conclude your defeat. Always prepare for the battle. Start with yourself. Ensure that you are apparent on the things that you want. Conducting research is important. It can be helpful to understand their needs, as well as their weaknesses and strengths. Ask for your manager or co-employees for some help and opinions.

Take your time on asking for something and don’t rush

Instant approval for any request at work can tend to be lousy. Some managers do not enjoy negotiating and want to get done with it as soon as possible. It is understandable. However, it is important to take time on asking for something. It’s much better when you don’t rush things.

Build healthy relationship with others before the negotiation

Excellent negotiating results are just an outcome of a healthy relationship with the involved party. It is necessary to cultivate relationship ahead of time. For the same reason, it is important that you constantly look for opportunities that will grow your relationship with the management. There are cases that even before having any discussions, managers determine the outcome already.

Find the bargaining chip, not just someone’s weaknesses but your strengths

Instead of taking advantage of someone’s weaknesses, focus on taking extreme advantage of your strengths. It is essential to establish a firm foundation while negotiating. You can also demonstrate your expertise and knowledge about the things.

However, make sure that the skills that you’ll show will have a substantial impact on the thing or position that you need. It can determine a good result especially if the managers sees that you deserve it.

You are already establishing your credibility at work. It is challenging playing catch-up while negotiating, so it is better to take the initiative and guide the process in the direction that will favor you.

Don’t focus too much on the results and make the other side uncomfortable

Employees who attain success in getting the things they want doesn’t usually show that they care about the result. However, it is their strategy to make the other side feel that it is okay to reject them, just as long as they tried.

Look for the best time to ask for what you want

Timing is everything, so it is important to pay attention to it. Timing is key in any negotiation. It is important to know what to ask, but you also need to be sensitive when to ask for it. There are times that you can go forward, and there also times that you need to wait.

It is best to look for the best time before pressing for the thing that you want. However, watch out of pushing things too hard, because it may pollute a long-term relationship with you boss.

Put yourself into others’ shoes and go for a win-win situation

Throughout the negotiation, always try to determine things that are acceptable for the management. It can be a mixture of various things that aren’t necessarily everything that you wanted. It is important that you understand the management or your supervisor’s priorities, like how you also understand your priorities.

So it is better to think of the things that you would do if you were in their position. When constructing a negotiations or requests to your boss, it is okay to attempt in satisfying some of the company’s priorities but make sure that it doesn’t weaken your position.

Always be ready to give up some things in exchange for the things that you want. It is smart if you know your limits, and how far are you willing to go just to get the deal.

Stick to your principles and know your bottom line

As an individual and employee, you will have your set of values and principles that you don’t want to compromise. If you see that the negotiations will break some of those principles, then it can be something that you can throw away.

Anticipate the end game and end the negotiation with a handshake

You can compare successful negotiation to a chess game. It requires different things like awareness, creativity, timing, and anticipation of your opponent’s next move. When using negotiation to get something from work, it is important to anticipate that your boss might have something up their sleeve to rebut and say no to your request. Your moves must be progressive so that you can expect the same from your boss.

While creating the plot of the strategy, it is important that you anticipate the end game. Also, you need to be ready for the outcome. After getting the job done, and getting what you want, it is appropriate to end the negotiation with a handshake.

Proper planning and an in-dept strategy are the key

As an employee, some requests and promotions seem too hard to attain. Negotiations can be helpful for employees to have an approval on the requests and promotions that they are aiming. With proper planning and an in-depth strategic negotiation, you can easily achieve it. The things listed above are the things that can help you get what you want at work.

The post How to Get What You Want at Work By Strategic Negotiation appeared first on Lifehack.



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