Thursday, June 8, 2017

Steady State vs Interval Training: Are You Exercising Towards Your Goal?

No matter if you are a professional athlete, fitness enthusiast or just an occasional gym goer, you couldn’t have been spared the dilemma between the two most popular and effective types of training – steady state training and HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training).

With a great number of available fitness advice that provide information favoring one or the other type of training, it seems like we are none the wiser when it comes to choosing between SST and HIIT.

While steady state training involves steady, longer lasting cardio exercises that burn a lot of calories, fast intervals of high intensity workouts followed by quick resting provide faster results when it comes to burning calories, fat and improving overall aerobic capacity.

Steady state training is something you have probably been doing most of your life. Whether you are jogging, swimming, dancing, running on a treadmill, or cycling, steady state involves performing any type of cardio activity at a challenging, but steady pace, for over 20 minutes, using up to 70% of your capacity.

HIIT training involves short and powerful intervals of intense activity, followed by a quick rest, with sessions lasting no longer than 20 minutes. With HIIT training you are ideally performing at 90-100 of you maximum capacity. HIIT training can be performed indoors, on a treadmill, using weights, or outdoors by running or cycling.

Rather than trying to convince you to opt for one or the other type of workout, this article is aimed at providing analysis of both types in order to give you as much information so that you can chose what fits your specific needs best. As each person has different adaptability to each type of exercise, and not everyone has the same fitness goals, the explanation of the two types of training will, hopefully help everyone decide for themselves.

HIIT can be done in 20 minutes or less while SST takes a longer time! 

SST and HIIT require different time to perform. According to Douglas W. Stoddard MD, M Sp Med, Dip Sport Med, while steady state training requires more than 20 minutes, with high intensity interval training, you will be done in 20 minutes or less. This is the reason why many busy people opt for HIIT more frequently, as they need fast results with as little time as possible.

HIIT burns stored carbohydrates while SST only burns stored fat! 

As far as the type of fat being burned during a workout, SST and HIIT, again, have significant differences. Being an aerobic training, steady state training needs oxygen and runs on stored fat. HIIT, on the other hand is anaerobic, meaning the activity intervals don’t require oxygen only. HIIT is powered by stored carbohydrates. However, as the 1994 study shows, high-intensity interval training has slight advantage to steady state training when it comes to burning fat.[1] This could be due to the ‘EPOC’, or ‘Excess Post-Exercise Oxygen Consumption’ effect of high intensity workout, that powers up metabolism even days after working out.

It’s a DRAW on Building Muscle! 

Preserving muscle and loosing fat is one of the most important concern for anyone who works out. As the 2009 study suggest, longer cardio sessions of endurance training affect muscle loss.[2]

On the other hand, a 2006 study shows no significant difference between intense interval training and endurance training when it comes to muscle gain: “Training-induced increases in muscle buffering capacity and glycogen content were also similar between groups.”[3] Even though the promoters of each type of training would argue that the training they support is more effective for muscle sustainability, it seems that the differences are not significant.

It’s a Win for Steady state training on Improving Endurance level!

When it comes to improving endurance level, it seems that steady state training has significant advantage over HIIT. According to health and fitness expert Pete McCall, “Exercising below the ventilatory threshold for an extended period of time puts less physical stress on the cardiorespiratory system and can be an effective way to prepare for an endurance event.”[4]

They Both Do A Good Job On boosting overall metabolism rate!

When comparing a number of important health markers such as blood pressure, overall metabolism rate and VO2 max (a maximum amount of oxygen a body can process) for both type of training, the results indicate that both HIIT and steady state training show similar but significant improvements.

A 2015 study that analyzed the effects of high intensity training vs. moderate intensity training on cardiometabolic health shows similar improvements for both types of training, with MIT showing greater improvement in overall cardiovascular fitness as it showed greater improvement in VO2peak.[5]

Newbies Alert! Beginners are advised to start off with steady state training! 

As far as the likelihood of you sticking with the workout of your choice is concerned, it is highly dependent upon your general fitness. For beginners it is much more advisable to start off with steady state training until they reach cardiovascular system and endurance levels for a more challenging HIIT workout. Although HIIT workout is more likely to keep you motivated, only trained athletes and experienced fitness enthusiasts are able to cope with the high intensity and exhaustion of HIIT.

The Bottom Line on Choosing The “Best” Workout For Yourself..

Finally, both HIIT and SST provide great health and fitness benefits, and you won’t make a mistake choosing one over the other. Ultimately, your choice should depend on your body condition and personal preferences. However, let’s not forget that a balanced approach to fitness is always the healthiest and most effective one, and it also includes healthy and balanced diet as the most important fitness and health factor.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

Reference

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8 Promising Benefits of HIIT Workout That Will Make You Want To Start Right Now!

We all know the great importance of exercise, and sure, each of us, in our own way try to do as much as we can. Yet, this can be incredibly difficult. If you work full time, or are generally very busy, getting the gym hours in that we feel is necessary can feel like an impossible task.

Even if you want to go for a run, you might think that you would need to run for at least an hour to make any real change. We might feel resigned to our current state or shape, one seemingly enforced by our schedule.

This might well be the case, however thanks to the exercise system HIIT (high intensity interval training) you can get a fantastic workout in very little time.

As its name suggests, HIIT relies on short bouts of high intensity exercise, broken up by moments of rest and recovery. The exercise sequences are repeated for about 20-30 minutes.[1]

HIIT isn’t just useful for those short of time, HIIT workouts are one of the best forms of cardiovascular exercise that you can do, something supported by significant research.[2]

In addition there are a great, and surprising range of other benefits which show that high intensity interval training is the way to go for those on the clock.

8 Amazing Benefits of HIIT- From Head to Toe, from Physical to Mental!

Burn Fat Even When You Stop Training

One of the most popular reasons people choose HIIT is that, through the training, you burn fat even when your training has stopped.

This is due to Excess Post-exercise Oxygen Consumption (EPOC), after a HIIT workout your oxygen consumption is increased in such a way that you burn fat 9x faster. In addition, thanks to the way HIIT workouts boost your metabolism, you can burn up to 50% more fat than a regular steady-state cardio workout, even though steady-state workouts are maintained for much longer periods of time.[3]

Build More Muscle and Maintain Muscle Mass Better! 

At the same time HIIT workouts stimulate the burning and using up of fat and calories, HIIT workouts also produce muscle building anabolic hormones. As such it can be a very effective way of developing lean muscle.

Surprisingly, HIIT workouts are actually better at building and maintaining muscle mass, while losing fat than regular sustained steady-state workouts as prolonged exercise can result in muscle being burned up and used by the body as fuel.[4]

It Helps Improve Your Blood Circulations and Fight Type 2 Diabetes Symptoms

Studies have shown that intense, interval based training forms, like HIIT help blood flow and blood vessel dilation.[5] The effects were particularly notable with those suffering with type 2 diabetes, where blood flow improvements were noticed within an our or two of exercising. Researchers have noticed that those who do HIIT workouts have better managed glucose levels than both those that do not, and even those who exercise with normal steady-state workouts.

Just Jump and sprint! You Don’t Need Any Equipment! 

When you go into a gym for the first time, the first thing you notice is all the strange machines and devices. Some are so complicated that you need to be trained on how to use. Almost all are so expensive that that it is impossible to do the same workouts when at home or away from the gym. A great number of workouts are built around some of these machines.

Though some HIIT routines do use things like treadmills, most HIIT workouts rely only on the body alone. Some of the most popular HIIT workouts are simple jumping jacks and sprints. So, unlike the gym, all you need is a little bit of space.

Strengthen your cardiovascular activity and boost your endurance

By pushing your heart rate and oxygen consumption during HIIT workouts. You’ll both strengthen and improve your heart and cardiovascular activity and oxygen intake. Specifically, you will increase your body’s VO2 Max, which is the amount of oxygen a person can use per kg of body weight. As such your overall stamina and ability to workout. Over time you will notice that you will need less and less recovery time.

It Helps Prevent aging and You Will Live Longer!

Resent research by the Mayo Clinic has suggested that HIIT workouts can reverse signs of cellular aging.[6] This occurs through improving the body’s production and synthesis of proteins which in turn can help fight signs of aging. In addition, HIIT workouts have been shown to combat muscle degradation in age.

Ease the difficulties and strains of Parkinson’s!

Researchers in the University of Alabama have released a study suggesting that HIIT can improve the motor functions, quality of life, and mood of Parkinson’s sufferers.[7] This could be revolutionary if researched further, as Parkinsons as a condition specifically attacks the motor functions of the human body. The researchers saw improvements in patients muscle control, balance, and sense of well being compared to Parkinson’s suffers of similar ages who had not undertaken high intensity training.

You Constantly Push Yourself and You Expand Your Limits Eventually! 

For many, this might be a turn off. However I have often felt that there is a strange, but genuine pleasure in pushing yourself physically and coming out the other side. As you’d imagine high intensity training, is…well…intense. Each time you exercise with an HIIT workout, you are pushing yourself to your physical limit, however, of course, for only a few moments at a time. Because of this your workouts are never dull and you will see real improvements in your health, and stamina in very little time.

Don’t forget to do it step by step

As with any change in your exercise regime, its important to consult your doctor and hear their opinion. This is especially important if you’ve never done any high intensity training before.

Reference

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How to Build Resilience to Survive in This Difficult World

Why do people fail?

Surprisingly, it’s not usually down to a lack of talent, ability or motivation.

In fact, plenty of very intelligent people fail for one simple reason: they lack resilience.

If you want to enjoy life, be successful, and cope well in a difficult world, you need to build up resilience.

Read on to find out how.

What is resilience?

Simply put, resilience is the ability to deal with whatever life throws at you without giving up.

Being resilient means being able to bounce back, even after something really bad happens.

One key characteristic of successful people is that they aren’t afraid to keep trying after they fail, and that’s because they’ve learned to be resilient.

Here’s an example:

Two people go to interviews for their dream job. Neither of them get the job.

Person 1 is resilient. He doesn’t let a small setback knock him down, and he keeps applying for other jobs. Soon enough, he gets one – and it’s even better than the original job!

Person 2 isn’t resilient. When he doesn’t get the job, he loses all confidence. He thinks he’s a failure, that he should never have bothered trying, and that he might as well give up now. He stops applying for the jobs he really wants, and sticks with a career well below his ability level.

Want to learn more about how resilience can make you successful?

Read this article: Why There Are So Few Successful People in the World: Talents Are Overrated

How to become more resilient

Ready to start your journey towards resilience?

Here are some great places to start.

Learn to overcome trauma

Had a bad experience in the past that’s put you off trying again?

Maybe you fell off a bike while learning, and got too afraid to get back in the saddle?

Learning to overcome difficult memories is the first step towards building resilience.

Here’s an idea of how to get started:

  • Accept what happened, and how it affected you.
  • Don’t feel like you shouldn’t be upset because ‘other people have it worse’.
  • Don’t set a strict timeline – let yourself overcome issues in your own time.
  • Ask for help. This could be from family, friends, or medical professionals.
  • Practice acceptance. You can’t change what happened, but it doesn’t have to take over your life.
  • Meditate and focus on all the things you have to be grateful for.

Want to read more about overcoming trauma?

Read this: How to Overcome a Trauma and Be Even Stronger Than Before

Look at how fear rules your life

Do you make decisions to avoid what you’re afraid of, rather than to move towards what you want?

Many of us live our lives ruled by fear – and this means we miss out on great opportunities and new experiences.

It takes time to overcome fear, but it is possible.

Start by identifying your fears, and trying to get to the root of them. Maybe you’re afraid of the unknown, of criticism, or of being rejected by others.

Try to imagine the worst case scenarios in each situation – often you’ll realize that they really aren’t that bad.

Want to learn more about how fear could be damaging your life?

Read this: How Fear Is Deep-Rooted in Our Everyday Life and Controlling Us

Learn to overcome fear

No matter what you fear, overcoming it is a worthwhile goal.

Try a targeted approach to overcoming fear with this challenge:

30 Days Without Fear: A Plan That Will Make You Feel So Carefree Like Never Before

You’ll practice and develop fear-busting skills like:

  • Keeping a fear journal.
  • Creating more ‘me’ time.
  • Speaking in public.
  • Exercising daily.
  • Visiting new places.
  • Communicating in a more confident way.
  • Trying new, scary activities
  • Resolving conflict.

At the end of the 30 days you’ll feel like you’re ready to face anything.

Is resilience the same as optimism?

No. This is a common myth.

Of course it’s good to try and be positive – but blind optimism can actually do a lot of harm.

When something bad happens, do you brush it off, acting like you don’t care at all?

Suppressing your emotions in this way can be really harmful, and is actually the opposite of resilience.

Resilience means allowing yourself to experience difficult feelings and working through them in a healthy way – not pretending they don’t exist.

Optimist can also blind us to important things.

If you feel bad about a job, it could be a sign for you to move onto to something new.

If you’re unhappy in the place you live, maybe it’s time to relocate?

Listening to your emotions can help you to make decisions that change your life for the better. Ignoring them could lead to missed opportunities for positive change.

Want to know more about how optimism differs from resilience?

Read this: Why You Shouldn’t Aim at Being an Optimistic Person

Take the resilience test to track your journey

So, you’ve started taking steps to become more resilient.

But how do you know that they’re working?

As well as looking out for benefits in your day-to-day life, you could trying taking this resilience test.

Be sure to make a note of your score and keep retaking the test to see how much you’ve improve.

Want to be strong enough to deal with whatever life throws at you?

Start developing resilience today.

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Things Parents Do Unconsciously That Make Their Kids Become Codependent

How many parents do you know who proudly boast, “I do everything for my children?” Or perhaps you are guilty of this?

If your children don’t clean their room, do you automatically clean it for them?

Do you sit with them and more or less do their homework for them? Or do you allow them to do it by themselves and come to you only if they have questions?

Do they have any responsibilities at home such as mowing the lawn or helping to clear away the dishes after dinner? Or do they have no chores at home?

Most parents want their kids to have all that they didn’t have as children and as a result, over-function. Yet this is creating a generation who will not grasp basic responsibilities–something that will ultimately affect them in the future.

Are you teaching children codependency or independence?

A lot of parents will become guilty of over-functioning [1] and unknowingly, teach their offspring codependency. Parents often excuse this behavior by either saying they do the tasks better or faster than the child, or that they are being good parents by “doing everything”. As a result, children are being taught learned helplessness.

Here are some common examples of what codependency in children can look like:

  • Having to remind your children to do their homework every day.
  • It’s become normal for your 10-year-old to sit and watch television, while you fetch nibbles and drinks whenever he or she wants.
  • Your children never clean their room because they know that you will do it.
  • Finishing their homework or school projects.
  • Your kids leave their plate and cutlery at the table for you to clean up after they have eaten.

Completing their homework will ensure that they do not get into trouble and will help them in the short-term. But your children will not learn the consequences of not doing the things they need to do. They need to develop important life skills such as time management, responsibility, and self-discipline.

By promoting learned helplessness, they could end up becoming adults who are incapable of doing normal things for themselves. How many adults do you know who are content to leave dishes unwashed for days or who never make their bed? Do you know anyone whose mother still makes their doctor’s appointments or does their laundry?

How to reverse the codependency [2]

Consider all the things that you do for your children that they are old enough and capable enough to do for themselves. Know that it does not make you a bad parent to teach them responsibilities and reverse the pattern of learned helplessness.

If you are busy and your 12-year-old asks you to make a sandwich, could he or she start making sandwiches at this age?

Always reserve some time for yourself

Do you find that you are always tired and that you have little time for yourself? This could be another sign that you are doing far too much for your child.

Try to allocate yourself some “me” time every day–even if it is fifteen minutes. Don’t say you do not have the time–make the time. If you spend fifteen minutes stacking the dishwasher and cleaning the kitchen after dinner, this is a chore that your children should be able to help with (if they are old enough).

Warn them so that it won’t be a shock to them

If you went from doing everything for your children to suddenly expecting them to do more, it could come as a shock to them. Let them know beforehand that you want them to have more responsibilities.

Prepare for resistance for the new change. This could verge from tantrums or making you feel guilty. Remember, it may be uncomfortable for you in the short term, but it will serve them well in the long term. Be strong and firm.

Be less available and let them learn about the consequences

Your child needs to learn about the consequences of their actions (or lack of)–even if it gets them into trouble.

Do you have to take your children’s gym clothes to them every week because they always forget it at home? The next time they do it, don’t be so available to driving to their school with it. They may get into trouble and may get detention, but then they are more likely to remember to take it the week after this.

Prepare to hurt

It is normal to feel hurt or worry that you are being a bad parent by not being as over-functioning, especially if your child is struggling with these new tasks. It would be tempting to give in and want to “rescue” them. But stand your ground and have faith that you are being the best parent that you can be.

Breaking the codependency could be your greatest gift to your children. In the long-term, it will help them to be high-functioning and responsible adults.

Reference

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Seeing Your Ex Partner Getting into a New Relationship Is Often Devastating, Here's What to Do

So you’re casually checking out what’s up on Instagram’s “Explore” section and suddenly a photo of your ex with a new flame shows up.

Yes, your relationship ended but it is still awkward and somewhat devastating to see your former partner moving on, especially if the breakup is still fresh. Then, you start seeing them all over the place, laughing, having fun, and posting photos on social media profiles.

Like adding salt to the wound, people start texting to inform you about your ex’s new relationship. This leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem and in worst scenario – depression. Is there any way to overcome this? YES Of course!

Why is it hard to accept ex’s new relationship?

How many times have you promised yourself you’ll move on and stop thinking about your ex and his/her new relationship? We do it quite often. Sometimes we can’t help it and jealousy kicks in. Getting over your ex and the idea of them finding someone else already can be easier said than done.

According to one study, 88% of 18- to 35-year-olds have stalked their ex’s social media profiles and 80% of them also stalked their ex’s new partners.

The more stalking occurred, the more distress we experience , scientists say. We always feel this urge to check their profiles, but it only causes more pain. It is not uncommon to develop symptoms of depression [1] including social isolation, feelings of helpless and worthlessness, guilt, difficulty concentrating, and others.

Why is it so difficult to just stop and move on?

No, you are not the problem here. Scientists explain that we are always in competition with our own sex. Since the ancient men and women natural instinct was to breed and fight for the alpha dog status, the devastation caused by ex’s new relationship is instinctive too. Subconsciously you think “that’s mine” despite being aware you’re not even together.

At one point or another, you start thinking maybe he/she will dump the new flame and you’ll be together. Deep down you know this outlook is detrimental to your emotional health and overall being at the same time. If you don’t move on and continue to dwell over your ex finding a new love, you’ll deprive yourself of the opportunity to find a new boy/girlfriend as well.

For instance, you may stress out over the fact your ex has a new flame but you don’t. But, just because you’re single it doesn’t mean you are emotionally available. Other people pick up on that and know you wouldn’t be able to commit. You owe it to yourself to move on and find the love, happiness, and a relationship that you deserve. But how to do it; you probably wonder. These tips can help.

Always remember…

Newer doesn’t always equal better

One of the most common reasons why we can’t let go of the fact our ex has a new love is that we automatically assume this new person is better than you in every way. In order to overcome this problem, you should ditch those thoughts that say your ex got an upgrade. This new person in their life isn’t necessarily more attractive, smarter, or prettier than you are.

Bear in mind that the relationship ended because things didn’t work out, it’s life and those things happen to everyone. Banishing negative thoughts isn’t always easy, but with regular practice, you can do it successfully. Every time you start thinking the other person is better and you’re worthless, think of a reason to debunk those thoughts.

New relationship doesn’t erase the old one

It’s easy to think that the new relationship, especially if the breakup is fresh, erases everything you two had. But, that is impossible! No, this new person is not your replacement. In fact, he/she doesn’t want to be a mere replacement as well. The new relationship doesn’t come with some magical option that deletes a person’s past. Both of you will still share the same memories, it’s entirely natural. Accepting this fact is a part of growing up and acknowledging it is time to move on.

No, he/she didn’t win

Okay, you’ve probably thought about this already; your ex won because he/she found a new guy or girl before you did. This isn’t about winning, how quickly you get into the new relationship depends on your needs and preferences. Your ex’s new relationship doesn’t make you a loser. And who cares whether someone else would consider the other person a winner. Two people were in a relationship, so someone else’s opinion shouldn’t knock you down.

Look for a role model

Humans learn not only from their own experiences but from other people too. We can strengthen our willpower just by learning from people we consider good role models. A practical way to deal with your ex’s new relationship is to look for a role model from your own life or pop culture i.e. any person who’s been in the same situation and overcame it successfully. It won’t take long, we’ve all been there. Now, in the moments of weakness and despair, think of your role model and how he/she tackled this situation and came out of it as a bigger, better person.

Get a hobby to have some fun

When we have too much time on our hands, we tend to think all kinds of things and they’re usually negative. You get caught up with one thought and it grows inside, makes you feel worse. You just need to preoccupy yourself, find a hobby, do something you’re passionate about. In turn, you’ll boost your confidence, reduce stress, feel emotionally better and the best thing of all – you won’t spend too much time focusing on your ex and his/her new partner.

Watch out for the white bear

Psychologists define a white bear as an occurrence when we try not to think about something or someone and we end up thinking even more . Don’t be alarmed if your ex and his girl pop up in your mind from time to time. Let’s face it, sometimes you think of people from your high school too. Is that a sign of concern? No! Forcing yourself to stop thinking about them could induce the counterproductive effect. You just need a good strategy to deal with those thoughts such as finding a positive characteristic about yourself each time you think the other person is better (1st point).

Be patient and take your time to recover

When it comes to dealing with the ex moving on, we tend to feel depressed and hurt because we don’t expect them to do it so soon. This happens regardless of how long it’s been since breakup or who induced it. Sometimes you are the one who broke up, but you still feel upset when the ex moved on. Don’t take his/her actions as a measure of your own worth and avoid considering them as some sort of a payback. Remember, people, heal at different times and at different rates. The best thing to do is to focus on yourself, your emotional and physical wellbeing, and get back into the game to find a new, healthy relationship when you feel the time is right.

Getting over an ex is not the easiest thing in the world, particularly if the other person moved on and found someone else. This is a major blow to our self-esteem and mental health, but only because we tend to compare ourselves with other people. The key is to develop a positive mindset and have a healthy lifestyle [2]. You’ll move on at your own pace and stay open to a new relationship.

Reference

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Small Things Parents Can Do to Effectively Reduce Sibling Jealousy

Our relationships with our siblings are the most important in our lives. They are the ones we have known the longest and we share a lived experience that is unparalleled. But we have all heard the common terms “sibling rivalry” and “parental favoritism“.

Especially when children are very small, there is bound to be some conflict and competition, and sometimes parents get it wrong, dealing with children differently according to the ease of their personality traits.

If parents don’t address these issues early and guide the children to get along, support, accept and love each other unconditionally, they could jeopardize their adult relationships, not only with their siblings, but with other people in general.

With our brothers and sisters, we learn early on how to negotiate, share, nurture, protect, empathize, and avoid negative relationship attributes like jealousy, selfishness, aggression and misunderstanding. As parents, we need to ensure that children understand how to navigate relationships in a healthy way, regardless of the obstacles and difficulties that life may throw at them.

Remember: Your Children’s Individuality Deserves to Be Treated Equally

There are many signs that can demonstrate that there is an imbalance within sibling relationships, fuelling jealousy. Often these manifest unintentionally.

Honestly Ask Yourself If Your Different Treatment Is Responsible

Regardless of our kinship, we are all simply individuals who will get along with some people more than others, whether they are our parents or siblings. However, as guardians, we can ask ourselves some questions to determine if we are treating our children unequally by not making space for their individual differences. This quiz is a helpful guide to become more conscious of our behavior.

Many factors contribute to why siblings fight and why parents treat their children differently to one another. Children have their own individual personalities, and depending on their ages and developmental stages, they will relate to each other in varying ways. Parents too have a spectrum of personality traits and life experiences and will connect and relate to their children individually.

To Ensure Your Children Grow Up Feeling Loved, You Should Be Objective

Sometimes though, it requires adults to be objective, to remove their personal feelings and emotional urges from their behavior, in order to implement the task of parenting and conflict management in a fair and equitable way. This will ensure that siblings grow up understanding two simple things:

  1. They are loved equally and unconditionally
  2. They are allowed and encouraged to be unique and different from one another, using their best qualities to compliment each other and coping with the personality traits that are likely to clash.

Otherwise, Your Children Can Become an Overly Competitive Person Living in Resentment

When these very simply factors aren’t addressed, what are seemingly insignificant feelings of jealousy and rivalry as children, can turn into full-blown resentment and irreparable rifts as adults.

Children feel as though they have to compete for their parents’ affection, they are judgemental and not accepting of their siblings’ personalities and life experiences and parents tend to lose close bonds with all their children as a result.

Once we have understood why sibling jealousy and parental favoritism can occur and the factors that contribute to them, we can begin to take action to address issues as they occur.

The biggest realization is that conflict is inevitable and healthy. We need to learn to “fight right” so that healthy conflict resolution and prosperous relationship bonds can take place [1].

Here are 5 ways to address sibling jealousy and parental favoritism:

Show Affection to Your Children In Response to Their Individual Needs

We can show affection to children in mutually responsive ways. Some children love to be hugged and kissed, others prefer their personal space.

Affection and physical contact is vital to human bonding, but it is important to figure out the needs of the individual child. Show affection to your children in the way they prefer. If a child loves endless cuddles on your lap, you are not playing favorites if that is how they respond.

Just ensure that your other child, for example, who prefers a quick kiss and cuddle and verbal praise, gets equal affection in a way that they are comfortable with.

Eliminate Any Gender Bias

It is not important or relevant whether your child is a boy or a girl. Often we place different expectations on our children based on their gender, that creates inequality, conflict and jealousy.

We expect girls to be helpful around the house, to be softer, fairer, quieter, prettier. We encourage boys to be strong, tough, smart and to suppress their softer emotions.

However, we should not treat our children differently according to their gender. Neither is more or less capable, important or valuable. Children should be allowed to express themselves as they see fit. We should nurture their desires, talents, strengths and abilities equally and stop putting pressure on them based on fabricated and false societal expectations.

The best way to do this is to give them the opposite options.

Encourage boys to play with dolls and dress ups, to help themselves fulfill their needs and to express their feelings. Girls should be praised for their abilities, intelligence and character, not for their looks or fashion sense. They should be allowed to get dirty, be loud and play with building blocks and cars, and to use their bodies physically by climbing, playing sport and running.

Emphasize Equality During Conflict Resolution

Sometimes it is clear who is right or wrong, but sometimes the issue is blurred. As guardians, we need children to understand that fighting and conflict are inevitable, but there are ways to resolve problems in a fair, respectful and mutually beneficial way.

We need to make children witness distress in others, if they are the cause and to apologize. We also need to teach children how to forgive and forget and to make up. We can encourage them to play together if it is working and to give each other some space when there is tension. We can guide them by being facilitators and also providing an example by how we address conflict resolution within our own relationships.

Nurture Individual Relationships While Upholding the Group Dynamics

Children need to feel like they belong to a family, a tribe, that there is a wholeness to the dynamic of their relationships as siblings, as family, that they are united as a team and have each others’ backs.

At the same time, they need to be encouraged to have one-on-one unique relationships with individuals. It may be that they get along better or have more in common with one sibling over another, but that doesn’t mean that they are any less loyal or affectionate towards the others.

Treasure the Value of Open Honest Communication

Often conflict, jealousy and resentment escalates unnecessarily when people do not have the tools or desire to express their feelings in a healthy way.

We need to teach children to convey their message clearly and also to interpret the messages of others accurately.

Sometimes feelings get in the way of talking, and there are many other ways to exchange messages in order to resolve conflict. We can help children pay attention to and be aware of each others’ behavior and mood. If someone looks like they want to be left alone, there might be a reason and they may simply need some time and space, or alternatively to be reached out to.

We can reach out to each other in a number of ways without speaking; buying a small gift, sending a card, writing a letter, telling a joke or doing a random act of kindness. We can also guide children to deal with their own feelings of anger, jealousy and resentment.

Sometimes confrontation is unnecessary and developing the emotional maturity to work out your own feelings is something we can encourage in children. Other times these feelings need to be expressed, as confronting as they may be, and children can be taught to not take it personally and allow their siblings to say their piece and accept their feelings. And should the need arise, to simply apologize and move on.

Reference

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Successful People Aren't Luckier Than Everybody Else, They Just Know How to Make Good Decisions

What contributes to the difference between the decisions successful people make and all other decisions made around the world on a hourly, daily and even weekly basis. Why do some people consistently make right decisions over and over with little room for failure?

How do we, become better at making decisions in our own work and personal lives to emulate this level of success?

Successful people always identify the problem first

It starts with identifying the problem in front of you. Do you need the new sports car or do you need a new mode of transportation to get to work? Both are completely different problem sets.

The former has an assumptive solution built into it that you need a new car and that this car MUST be a sports car while the latter asks the question how you can get to and from work – which can include a variety of potential solutions – car, train, bus, bike, walk, skip, etc. With any decision it’s important to first frame the problem within the context of the actual problem itself and not within the frame of the solution we are trying to get to.

When compared to successful innovators, this thinking enables them to go out of the box in their thinking without feeling pushed into a corner before they have started.

They narrow the focus and limit their options

I want to help kids learn versus I want to help kids learn how to be better programmers are two very different focus sets. Both are aimed at helping kids grow, but the latter statement puts the decision making firmly into the decision makers hands – “this is what I am going to focus on, this is where I will be successful” – whereas the former statement leans toward bringing in external consultation as to what the focus should be and takes the decision making process out of our own hands.

Many people become concerned when they narrow their focus for fear that they are minimizing their chances of success by limiting their options to what they could achieve. When in fact, when we narrow our focus, we are actually increasing our chances of success by ensuring that each available option in the decision is one within our proven niche where we have already been successful.

They look at the long-term play instead of the short-term success

Successful decision makers are always looking at the long-term play. Short-term success is fleeting, here today, gone tomorrow but long-term success is everlasting. When we evaluate our decisions for the long-term we look at criteria that are not available today but might be factors for tomorrow that would change the decision we make.

Buying the sports car today, during the summer, when the weather is hot outside is a great decision for today and the next few months, but come winter it’s value will sharply decrease as other factors will come into play, relegating it to storage over the winter months when it is probably needed the most.

They digest the useful information and ignore the chatter

We live in an information rich society where we are constantly bombarded with information. Look at how best to build something as simple as a wooden box to store firewood and you’ll find hundreds of pictures, articles and possibly even some blogs that are dedicated to their existence, all espousing their incredible features and one upmanship.

How does one decide in the face of so much information?

Ignore it, put it aside, take what you need and move on. At the end of the day, the decision is yours to make and not the world’s. Successful decisions are based on ignoring the chatter and the backroom banter which are aimed at closing ours minds to the potential successful of new ideas. Many innovations that have come before us are based on people consuming what they needed to know, ignoring the chatter and making successful decisions for the simple reason that they ignored this chatter.

They separate the good from the bad and needs from wants

We’ve alluded to this already but it is worth mentioning on it’s own to drive the point home. Successful decision makers are able to separate the good from the bad, the right from the wrong and the needs from the wants when evaluating their decisions.

A successful decision maker separates their personal ambitions and desires from the decision and looks at the criteria in front of them that will shape the decision and demonstrate what is needed for it to be successful.

In some cases, this involves a complete separation of the decision maker from the decision for a period of time by taking a break and coming back to it to look at the decision with fresh eyes and a different approach to ensure the decision is not being skewed.

When employed correctly, this removes the potential for rash, impulse decisions that can have potentially negative, long-term effects.

They reflect and evaluate every decision they made

When was the last time you looked at a decision you made and reflected on it? Really reflected on it, not simply – “I should have done this” – but looked at the process for how you came to the decision, the information you gathered, where your focus was, who you listened to, etc, etc?

Very few of us actually do this to the point of critiquing our approach in how we arrived at our decision and what we should do better next time. Perhaps because we have such a strong emotional tie to the decision or because there is no one else to “blame” but ourselves or perhaps because we are still living the impact of that decision.

Whatever the reason, to make successful decisions on a continual basis requires the awareness and afterthought to evaluate what we did wrong, where we went wrong and what checks and balances we must put in place today to make sure that it does not happen tomorrow. Of all the aforementioned steps, evaluating where our decisions went wrong is the best way to ensuring we are successful in our next ones.

Are you making bad decisions today? Or perhaps ones that you wish could be more successful? If so, start with a sampling of what you did, what would you do differently if you had the chance to do it again – how would you better identify the problem or narrow the focus to ensure you are making the right decision against the problem. Are your decisions focused more on short-term gain fueled by chatter and likes or are you too close to it to make a rational decision?

Successful people make great decisions because they apply the criteria in front of them differently when identifying a their options which in turn increases the probability of their success. But there is no reason why we cannot apply that same criteria to making our own successful decisions.

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