What to Keep and What to Toss? Asking These 15 Questions Can Make Decluttering Easier

I recently moved to a new state and a new home. Moves like that are always exciting/scary/full of unknowns, but the one thing you can always count on is that you will be overwhelmed by how much stuff you have.

It never fails: I begin packing a room and I’ve only just begun when I find things I forgot I owned and clearly have no need for. You would think that means I just throw them in the trash, right? Wrong. I have a terrible habit of associating memories and nostalgia onto the cluttering objects in my home, and before I know it, I’m out of boxes because I can’t let anything go!

As Elsa Says, Let It Go!

I was determined to make this move different, so I developed a mantra: If you don’t love it enough to pack it, you don’t love it enough to move it. Basically, if I didn’t want to take the time to put it into a box and label the box, I probably didn’t need the item in my new home. It was hard, but so worth it. Now that I’m unpacked in the new house, I feel like I’m in a better mood and I can focus. It turns out, science finds that decluttering can bring you the following benefits:

• You can concentrate better – Neuroscientists at Princeton University have shown that people working in an organized environment are able to be more productive and focused than someone working in a disorganized setting.^[1]
• You have better sleep – This goes along with the last point in the sense that cluttered rooms don’t allow your brain to focus on one task at a time. When the only thing you’re trying to accomplish is sleep, willing yourself to relax can be impossible in a messy room.
• You’ll be happier – It turns out, clutter can make you a real Grumpy Gus. Clutter is basically the visual noise. When you keep walking past it at your home, your brain subconsciously receives the message that you don’t have your life together.
• You can finally let go of the past – If you’re like me and your useless items seem to hang around because of nostalgia, it’s good to remember that sometimes memories can be toxic. Jessie Sholl said it best: “In many cases, the way clutter affects us has little to do with quantity. A piece of art painted by an ex-lover hanging over the bed can carry more emotional heft than a messy closetful of extra sheets and towels…”
• You’ll amp up your productivity – When you’re surrounded by half-completed projects, all you have done is created an environment that constantly reminds you of your failures. Sure, maybe you have all those old jeans in the closet because you intend to lose weight, but right now they’re just taking up space. You can buy new jeans, but you can’t buy new sanity.
• You’ll be more creative – Yes, some artists and creators work best amongst chaos, but as a general rule, you are far more imaginative when working in a clean, clutter-free environment.

15 Questions to Help You Decide What to Keep and What to Toss

It’s not always easy to donate or dispose of an item, but having a list of questions to ask yourself can help simplify the process. So whether you’re packing your house, like I was, or just trying to clean up the junk, ask yourself these 15 questions to make the process go smoothly.^[2]

1. When was the last time I used/needed this?

If you have an item because you might need it one day, you probably don’t need it! I like to turn my hangers to all face a certain way in my closet and turn them around when I wear the article of clothing that was hanging on them. After a certain amount of time, I take stock. If my time frame was 6 months and there are a few things I didn’t wear, I donate them.

2. Is this item useful?

It can be tempting to determine how it could be useful in the future, but consider the present moment. If you don’t use the item regularly, you probably won’t need it any time soon. Get rid of it.

3. How many do I have vs. how many do I need?

I experienced this question when it came to packing my kitchen. I had four sets of pots and pans. Why!? I picked the nicest ones and donated the rest. I was amazed at how much space this freed up.

4. Do I need this item because it has useful information?

Look, books are necessary and sometimes beautiful, but if you’re holding on to 5 volumes of encyclopedias, you’re a hoarder. This is the age of the internet. If you need to know something now-a-days, you simply Google it.

5. Do I even like this?

I’m guilty of this one, and my fiancé is terrible about it! It’s wonderful to receive gifts, but when you don’t need the thing gifted to you, let alone like it, it turns into clutter. This can be stressful because you feel guilty about getting rid of it. I have news for you: your mother-in-law is never going to ask what happened to that magnet she brought you back from her trip. Get rid of it.

6. Will I lose my good memories if I lose this item?

After my dad passed away, I realized how many things I was no longer capable of parting with because he had given them to me. Just looking at the items gave me peace because they made me think of happy times with my father. But I quickly realized there were certain items that could be displayed and appreciated all the time, and others he would understand me parting with (like the shirt he brought me from a trip that never fit).

7. Am I only keeping this because it was expensive?

This was hard for me for a long time. I hated getting rid of a handbag or a pair of shoes I didn’t wear any longer because I still remembered what I paid for them! Thankfully there are tons of websites now where you can consign designer/high-end items and get a little money for them.

8. Do I care about it enough to clean it?

Remember my mantra about throwing out an item I didn’t love enough to pack? This question is similar. If an item is out on display (like that cat figuring your grandmother gave you), it will require dusting and maintenance. Do you love it enough to do that? If not, it needs to go.

9. Do I care about it enough to make room for it?

In college, I moved back in with my parents briefly after renting a house on my own. When I started renting the house, it was completely empty, so I had to buy all new furniture. This was great until I was suddenly having to pay a storage unit to house it. I got so sick of the bill that I sold all the furniture and cancelled my storage unit. Was it hard to part with furniture I had loved? Sure. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

10. Do I feel the need to move it when I’m looking for something else?

If an item is in your way on a daily basis, there will never come a day when it suddenly serves you in some way. Accept that it needs to go and get rid of it.

11. Does it serve any purpose aside from being decorative?

I love home decor. Love it. But I try to justify the decor in my new home to ensure I’m not filling it with space-taking items. If I can’t come up with a useful purpose for an item, then I don’t bring it home. And if the item in my home is not useful, then I don’t let it stay.

12. I love it! But will I love it in six months?

This is a great question to ask when thinking of buying something that could become clutter and to ask when trying to de-clutter. You may really love a certain item, but will you love it in six months? A year? If you aren’t 100% sure that the answer is yes, you probably want to reconsider owning it.

13. Do I want to pack and unpack this item when we move?

What, are you surprised it made the list? Whether you move constantly because of a job or you just love the feeling of freedom, think long and hard before bringing clutter from one place to another.

14. If this item was stolen and pawned, would you buy it back?

In the middle of moving out of that home I rented, I had a jewelry box stolen from me. Along with some costume jewelry, I had quite a few expensive pieces in there, some that had come from my late father. This was devastating (and still hurts today!). If I were to find every single one of those items in a pawn shop tomorrow, there are only a few that I would care enough to re-purchase. While the way it happened was less than ideal, it was a good lesson in realizing what is important to me and what I have around for the sake of owning.

15. What is this? What is this for?

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but just to hammer the point home, I’ll explain: If you find yourself looking at an object and questioning what it is, how you wound up with it, or why you would use it, you definitely don’t need that thing taking up space.

Happy cleaning!

Reference

[1]	^	Bustle: 6 Benefits Of Decluttering Your Life, According To Science
[2]	^	365 Less Things: Declutter Decision Making Guide

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How to Eat Fat Healthily to Your Benefits: 10 Fatty Foods Recommended

There is no shortage of diet trends out there. You are inundated, daily, with articles that scream out: EAT THIS, NOT THAT!

But all of those headlines seem to completely disagree with each other. It can be exhausting trying to figure out what is good for you, and what is not good for you.

Will eggs contribute to good health, or will they force your cholesterol levels to sky rocket? Sound familiar? Maybe you’re the kind of person who loves red meat but has become nothing short of a vegetarian thinking meat makes you gain weight.

Do your meal contains lean protein, like chicken or fish, but leave out anything that might be considered fatty? How come? Does your mouth water at the thought of a baked potato, but you forego them for fear of carbs and starch?

Think back. Who first put it into your head that meat was bad for you? That even a little bit of starch would make you put on pounds? Was that person a friend who had read one of those many articles, or was it a dietician who knew your health personally? Probably the former, right? What if I told you that eating meat could actually contribute to weight loss and not hinder it?

If you don’t eat meat for personal values, such as animal welfare, this section is not for you. But if you don’t eat meat because you’re afraid it’s going to make your jeans fit too tight, read on.

The Important Nutritional Components of Fat

• Minerals
  In fact, meat has body-necessary minerals like magnesium, zinc and iron. These minerals promote healthy bones, aid the immune system and even maintain energy levels. Iron is especially important; lack of this mineral can lead to anemia and fatigue.
• Protein
  Meat is also rich in protein. I was a vegetarian for a portion of my life, and the thing I heard the most was, “How will you get enough protein?” While there are plenty of ways to get protein in your diet without animal products, meat still remains one of the best ways. Not only is it high in protein, but it’s easily digested by the body ^[1].
• Startch
  No, you shouldn’t make it a point to live off meat and potatoes alone, but both contribute to a healthy body and a healthier lifestyle. Starchy foods give your body the energy it needs to function while also delivering fiber, calcium, iron and B vitamins. While the myth remains that starchy foods such as rice, pasta and potatoes are fattening, they actually contain fewer than half the calories of fat ^[2].
  The real danger lies in added fats used to cook and serve starches. Aim for potato skins, wholegrain breads, breakfast cereals, brown rice and whole wheat items when adding starches to your diet. Eat no more than about 1/3 of your daily food intake.
• Cholesterol
  Cholesterol is actually key in your health, but it’s all about portion control here. It can be a little tricky to correctly include it in your diet, but if you are knowledgeable, you’ll be just fine.
  There are two types of cholesterol, one good and the other bad. LDL is bad. HDL is good. It’s important to have enough of the HDL and not much of the LDL. It’s about balance. Your body needs the good kind in order to build cells, circulate blood and keep you generally healthy. Surprising, huh?

Ten Foods With Fat You Should Integrate Into Your Diets

Now that you know it’s okay to eat healthy (good) fats, starchy foods and nom noms containing cholesterol, let’s discuss ten things you can integrate into your diet to lose weight and be healthier in general.

1. Grass Fed Beef

Red meat has healthy fat that improves heart health and reduce belly fat. They also have acids that fight off LDL cholesterol (the bad one). This recipe for beef and broccoli is good for you and can even be served alongside a healthy starch!

2. Avocados

Again, a lot of people stay away from their avocado cravings because they are “fatty.” But they contain the good kind of fat that your body needs! You should still limit yourself to about 1/4 to 1/2 an avocado per serving, the monounsaturated fats contain oleic acid which helps you feel full longer. The green berries also fill you with protein and fiber ^[3].

This avocado smoothie is a delicious and easy way to integrate healthy fat into your day!

3. Eggs

Eggs, if eaten in moderation, are not detrimental to your cholesterol levels. Eating eggs in the morning can help you feel full and satisfied longer. Aim for locally raised, organic eggs. These are usually the highest in omega-3s ^[4].

If you’re still a little nervous about jumping on the egg bandwagon, this recipe uses only egg whites for an easy spinach and egg omelette.

4. Cheese

Cheese lovers, rejoice! It turns out this delicious treat is actually good for you! Like anything else, there’s a bit of a caveat to this one; you can’t eat pizza three times a day in hopes of being “healthy,” but you can enjoy parmesan and a good cheese board.

Parmesan provides a good source of probiotics which are essential for gut and immune health. It also has protein and calcium! Try this recipe for parmesan roasted brussels sprouts to feel like you’re cheating on a diet.

5. Nuts

When it comes to being healthy, knowing how to snack is so important. Nuts are high in vitamin E, fiber, protein and even magnesium. Opt for almonds, walnuts and macadamia nuts when you need a snack ^[5]. Try any of these five trail mix recipes and keep a handful at work!

6. Dark Chocolate

It seems too good to be true, doesn’t it? But dark chocolate is, in fact, good for you! Dark chocolate is 11% fiber and contains over 50% of your daily recommended amounts of iron, magnesium, copper and manganese. As if this wasn’t enough, it even has antioxidants – more than blueberries!

Try these dark chocolate superfood bites for a quick energy boost at work.

7. Olives

Olives, like avocados and dark chocolate, are filled with good fats. No matter what type of olive you like, they’re all good for you! Some studies have even suggested olives may help prevent cancer and bone loss. Stick to 5 large or 10 small olives at a time ^[6]. Try this recipe for one skillet tuscan chicken that has protein, good starches and of course, olives!

8. Salmon

Salmon, and other oily fish, is full of omega-3 fatty acids and has been proven to improve heart health. Eat two servings a week to get all the health benefits salmon has to offer. Try this recipe for grilled salmon with avocado salsa to get tons of health goodness in one meal.

9. Bacon

You read that right! It turns out bacon, in moderation, can be great at preventing Alzheimer’s while also being a fantastic source of B vitamins and zinc! It even aids in serotonin production – the feel-good hormone your brain produces when you’re happy! Look for pasture-raised hormone-free bacon ^[7]. Try this recipe for loaded cauliflower (a loaded baked potato dupe ) topped with bacon!

10. Flax and Chia Seeds

These little guys may be tiny, but they are packed full of some incredibly nutrients. These seeds are plant-based sources of omega-3s and have proven to help lower cholesterol and keep your heart healthy. You can add them to salads and smoothies, but try this recipe for banana flax chia seed pudding if you really want to pack a punch.

Reference

[1]	^	Dennison Meat Locker: The Facts About The Importance of Meat In Nutrition
[2]	^	NHS: Starchy foods and carbohydrates
[3]	^	EAT THIS:20 HEALTHY FATS TO MAKE YOU THIN
[4]	^	Health: 13 Healthy High-Fat Foods You Should Eat More
[5]	^	Authority Nutrition: 10 High-Fat Foods That Are Actually Super Healthy
[6]	^	SELF: 19 Healthy Fats And High-Fat Foods You Should Be Eating
[7]	^	Prevention: Pasture-Raised Bacon

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Free Will vs Determinism: Which One Is True?

Does God play dice? Do we live in a deterministic universe or one in which we have free will? These are the type of wicked questions we will attempt to answer here. So, get ready to go down one crazy and deep rabbit hole. Just remember, Alice didn’t just wonder into Wonderland… she fell.

What is Free Will?

Just trying to define Free Will takes us down a deep rabbit. You think it would be simple, right? We are free to make whatever choice we like… not so fast. Let’s look at some of the definitions of free will.

• The ability to choose different course of action.
• To make choices for which the outcome has not been predetermined.
• Philosophical term of art for a particular sort of capacity of rational agents to choose a course of action from among various alternatives. ^[1]

Libertarianism

Another way to look at free will is Libertarianism. This is the claim that determinism is completely false. Leaving the possibility of free will to be true.

Question to ponder

Let’s look at free will from a theological perspective. How would you answer it?

“If God knows what we are going to choose in the future, then do we really have free will? If God knows we are going to make a certain ‘free will’ choice, then when it is time for us to make that choice, because God knows what we are going to choose, are we really free to make a different choice? Would God’s foreknowledge mean we cannot have free will? ^[2]

What is Determinism?

Again, this seems as though an easy definition should be available for Determinism; yet, there is not. Let’s take a look at how we can define determinism.

• Common definition: Philosophical position that for every event there exists conditions that could cause no other event. ^[3]
• Hard Determinism: A claim that determinism is true and that free will is not possible.
• Causal Determinism: All effects have causes.
• Logical Determinism: The future is already determined.

Question to ponder

When a criminal commits a crime, they should be punished right? We punish those who are responsible for the crime. What if we are wrong? What if the criminal is not free to choose right from wrong? What if free will is just an illusion? With that in mind, let’s look at another question.

“Is a mass murderer born into this world predestined to kill?”

How would you answer this question?

Is there an alternative view?

We can answer the first part of this question with a little more ease: Yes. However… we are now going deeper into the rabbit hole!

Compatibilism vs Incompatibilism

Compatibilism, in some sense, is compatible with determinism. The alternative view to compatibilism is incompatibilism: free will is not compatible with determinism.

Let’s take a look at compatibilism. Here we can freely choose to do only what our constraints allow us to do. This means that we are not completely free.

Defining a simple word… trying to define the word choice is difficult to do. So, I will make the choice to define it as such: The deterministic selection of one option, from among the range of options that would be opted for by a typical range of human beings in a typical range of situations. ^[4]

Here we see that there is a choice, yet a deterministic selection of choices. So, what did Einstein have to say about compatibilism?

“Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills.”

What do you believe?

So, what do you believe is correct? Do you think we have free will or do we live in a deterministic world? Or do you believe it is a combination of the two (i.e. compatibilism).

Let’s take a look at how we can compare Free Will vs Determinism by way of a table demonstrating the different positions and how they relate to the two. ^[5] If you see determinism as true, but believe free will is possible, then you can consider yourself in the compatibilism camp. Yet, if you see determinism as true and free will as impossible, then you fall in line with the hard determinists.

Does God play dice?

Let us now go further down the rabbit hole into the world of Quantum Physics. Early scientific thought (think Newtonian physics) was that our universe was deterministic. Additionally, Einstein was also a determinist. Think of his famous quote, “God does not play dice with the universe.” Well, I hate to break it to you, but Einstein was wrong. God does play dice!

Quantum physics demonstrates that we can predict events only in terms of probabilities. Think of the wave-particle duality concept. Here, every particle can be described as both a wave and a particle. This feeds the many-world interpretations theory. Ready for your mind to be blown!

Many-Worlds Theory: An interpretation of quantum physics that asserts the objective reality of the wave function and denies the actuality of a wave function collapse. ^[6]

Basically, there are alternative versions of you for every decision you did not make. So, in one world you could be wealthy and living the good life; yet, in another, you could be in prison as a convicted felon.

My Hypothesis!

Ok, so here you go. Here is my theory, but first let me first share with you a quote from American theoretical physicist Michio Kaku regarding Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle and free will.

“Heisenberg proposed the uncertainty principle and says there is uncertainty, meaning you don’t know where the electron is. It is in many places simultaneously. This of course Einstein hated as he said ‘God does not play dice with the universe’ but he was wrong. God does play dice with the universe. Every time we look at an electron it moves. There is uncertainty with regard to the position of the electron. What does that mean for free will? No one can determine your future events given your past history. There is always the wild card, there is always the possibility of uncertainty in whatever we do.” ^[7]

In developing my hypothesis, I concluded that we are looking at this from the wrong angle. So, let’s look at this wicked problem and ask a new question. Are we looking at a simple “either/or” problem here? Is it just Free Will vs Determinism? My answer is no.

We have what is called a False Dilemma. This is where we have an informal fallacy. We are not looking at an “either/or” scenario as there is at least one additional option.

This is like saying:

• X is True for A
• X is True for B
• Therefore, X is True for C, etc. ^[8]

Using Syllogistic Reasoning

Here are two premises, which led to my hypothesis.

Premise #1: All human choice is an event.

Premise #2: Some events constrain free will.

Conclusion: Therefore, the only events in which humans do not possess free will are those in which we are constrained.

Essentially, my perspective is similar to that of compatibilism. I truly believe that we are free to choose. Yet, we are choosing from a set of options that are presented to us. Think of how ideas pop into our mind when we are making a decision. There is an infinite number of ideas that could pop into our mind, yet we receive a specific range of options. Is there a reason why we are presented with these select few? I will leave that question for you to answer. For now, I am leaving this rabbit hole!

Reference

[1]	^	Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Free Will
[2]	^	CARM: If God knows our free will choices, do we still have free will?
[3]	^	Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Causal Determinism
[4]	^	Coelsblog: Compatibilism for incompatibilists: free will in five steps
[5]	^	Wikipedia: Determinism
[6]	^	Wikipedia: Many-worlds interpretation
[7]	^	YouTube: Michio Kaku why physics ends the free will debate
[8]	^	The Nizkor Project: Fallacy False Dilemma

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Defense Mechanism: How Does Your Body React To Things That Do Not Happen As You Wish

According to Sigmund Freud in the psychoanalytic theory, a defense mechanism is a tactic developed by the ego against anxiety.^[1] Security mechanisms are thought to guard the mind against feelings and thoughts that are too difficult for the conscious mind to cope with.

Also, Wikipedia defines a defense mechanism as an unconscious emotional mechanism that reduces stress as a result of unacceptable or potentially damaging stimuli.^[2] Sigmund Freud was one of the first proponents of this construct. However, defense mechanisms may bring about healthy or unhealthy consequences with regards to the circumstances and frequency in which the device is used.

While all these mechanisms can be harmful, they can also be very useful and allows us to function normally. The greatest problems occur when defense mechanisms are overused to avoid dealing with problems.

You might have perhaps heard people speak about immunity processors with which we protect ourselves from things that people no longer want to think about or deal with. The term got its start in psychoanalytic therapy, but it has slowly proved helpful in day-to-day language. Think of the last time you referenced to someone as being “in denial” or alleged someone of “rationalizing”. Both of these illustrations label a type of defense mechanism.

I want to analyze below each type of defense mechanism as well as other immunity processes defined by psychologists.

Displacement: express the anger towards other people that are less threatening

Displacement defense mechanism involves getting feelings, frustrations, and impulses on people or objects that are less threatening. Displaced aggression is a common sort of this defense mechanism. Rather than express our angriness in manners that could lead to negative effects (like arguing with the boss), we instead express our anger towards a person or object that position’s no threat (such as our spouse, children, or pets).

For example, this frequently occurs with family members, where we often see the father getting angry at the mother. The mother then takes her anger to her kid, the son in change yells at his little sister, the little sis kicks the dog, and your dog bites the kitten.

Sublimation: transform unhelpful emotions into healthy actions

This is a mechanism that makes us act away unacceptable impulses by changing our characters to generally accepted ones. For example, a person experiencing extreme anger might take up kickboxing as a means of venting disappointment. It is also assumed that in no doubt sublimation is seen as a sign of maturity that enables individuals to function normally in the society.

Repression: keep the unwanted information out of one’s awareness

This is another well-known defense mechanism. It acts to keep information out of our conscious awareness. It even consists all the others, and it is possibly the oddest of them all. Though, these memories don’t just disappear; they continue to influence our behavior. Often, we do this intentionally by forcing the unwanted information out of our awareness, which is known as suppression.

Rationalization: make excuses to rationalize irrational behavior

This is another mechanism which describes the unpleasant characters or feeling in a logical manner. This mechanism does not only inhibit anxiety, but it may also protect self-esteem and self-concept. It is something that each human being does, probably on a regular basis. An example is a person who is turned down for a date and might rationalize the situation by saying they were not attracted to this person anyway. Another example of this may be a mate stealing money from a wealthy friend of his, telling himself “Well this individual is rich, he can afford to lose it.”

Projection: attribute one’s own thoughts and emotions to another

Discharge is defined as “Attributing one’s thoughts, emotions, or motives to another”. Projection is well known as the mechanism that takes unacceptable characteristics and changes them to others. This kind of feature is common, and we have probably all experienced it. An angry man might accuse others of being hostile. For example, if you have an intense hatred for someone, you might instead believe he or she does not like you.

Intellectualization: focus only on the intellectual aspect and remain isolated from the reality

Intellectualization works to minimize anxiety by thinking about events in a cold, clinical way. This defense mechanism enables us to avoid considering the stressful, mental aspect of the situation and instead focus only on the intellectual aspect. For example, a person who has just been clinically diagnosed with a terminal disease might give attention to learning everything about the disease to avoid distress and remain isolated from the reality of the specific situation.

Reaction Formation: behave completely contrary to how one feels

Result creation reduces anxiety by taking up the opposite sense, impulse or behavior. It is also one of the defense mechanisms, as it entails behaving completely contrary to how one feels. It is defined as acting in a way that is exactly the opposite of your true feelings. An example of this could be treating an individual you hate in an excessively friendly manner to hide your true feelings.

These analyses show how we react to different emotions or characters. Though there are some things, we see wrong but seem good. While defense mechanism is usually thought of as negative reactions, many of these defense mechanisms can be helpful. For example, utilizing joy to overcome an annoying, anxiety-provoking situation can be an adaptive protection mechanism. In other circumstances, they allow people to temporarily ease stress during critical times, letting them give attention to what is necessary at the moment.

Reference

[1]	^	Verywell: Sigmund Freud: His Remarkable Life, Theories, & Legacy
[2]	^	Wikipedia: Defense Mechanism

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Signs You're in a Codependent Relationship and It's Time to Fix It

Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed very one way? Perhaps one person was doing most of the giving and the other person was doing most of the taking?

One of the main signs of co-dependency is when someone’s sense of purpose revolves around their partner’s needs. It can leave them feeling trapped, undervalued or seeking the other person’s validation to feel complete. It is important to pay close attention as if left undetected, it can create long-term harm and prohibit the relationship from growing healthily.

What is co-dependency?^[1]

Experts say that co-dependency is a form of addiction hence it is also known as “relationship addiction”. It often stems from childhood if the child was forced to grow up too quickly due to the lack of proper parental guidance. As a result, the child may have taken on a parental role. As a result, in adulthood, they revert to that instinct of taking care of others.

Shawn Burn, PhD, a psychology professor at California Polytechnic State University said, “These kids are often taught to subvert their own needs to please a difficult parent, and it sets them up for a long-standing pattern of trying to get love and care from a difficult person.”^[2]

Co-dependency can also be a learned pattern passed down from generations, for instance, if someone witnessed one parent constantly pandering to the other. As a result, the child will eventually mimic a similar behavior when they form relationships as they grow older.

10 signs you’re in a co-dependent relationship ^[3]

• You invest a lot of time in trying to help your partner to change in a way that leaves you feeling drained.
• You are so sensitive towards your partner’s moods that it has an affect your own.
• Your partner’s needs always come first since he or she is your top priority.
• Despite your hard work, your efforts still do not feel like enough.
• You feel unfulfilled or undervalued in your relationship. Despite this, you feel unable to end it.
• In the past, you have been in relationships with addicts or in relationships that were physically, mentally or emotionally abusive.
• You feel responsible when your partner messes up.
• You give more love and care to your partner than yourself.
• You are frequently anxious, irrespective of if the relationship is having good or bad times.
• You rarely do things without your partner.

So what to do to break the co-dependency pattern?^[4]

Recognize your co-dependency behavioral patterns

Start being more aware of the things that you do that promote the co-dependency. Once you are able to identify these traits, you will be able to tackle them.

Do you always do all the housework with no help? Are you the one who makes all the telephone calls when anything needs to be sorted out?

Take some time to rediscover who you truly are

Co-dependency has its roots firmly embedded in low self-esteem. Start by seeking out more of the things you like doing. Consider it to be some much-needed “you” time.

Is there an old hobby that you could take up again? What things or activities generally leave you feeling happier.

Reconnect with family and friends to rebuild social ties and relationships

People who are co-dependant often fall into a pattern of isolating themselves and predominantly spending their free time with their partner.

When was the last time you have a girls’ or boys’ night out with your friends? How about a weekend visiting relatives without your partner?

Stop blaming yourself for the fault of the other person

Accept that it is not your fault for your partner’s shortcomings. They need to take responsibility for their own actions, as do you.

If your partner talks about quitting an addiction, it is their job to take the steps. You can only support them, but ultimately, it is their job to do the hard work.

If you still find it difficult to break the co-dependency pattern, seek counseling to completely solve any problems

Sometimes there could be a hoard of underlying issues that make it difficult to break away from co-dependency. Speaking to a therapist can help you undercover those problems and address them in a healthy environment.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

Reference

[1]	^	Power of Positivity: 8 Signs You’re In A Codependent Relationship
[2]	^	WebMD: Are You in a Codependent Relationship?
[3]	^	Psych Central: 13 Warning Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship
[4]	^	Drug Addiction Help: Tips to Help You Stop Being Codependent

The post Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship and It’s Time to Fix It appeared first on Lifehack.

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Read This and You'll Find Healthier Ways to Satisfy That Sweet Tooth of Yours!

We have all been there: you have just started a diet in an attempt to lose weight and feel better, but it seems as soon as you decide to eat less sugar and more vegetables, someone walks by you with a gourmet cupcake or a sugary coffee drink. All at once, your willpower is gone and you give in to the temptation.

If this has happened to you, then you have probably experienced the attitude of: I’ll do better tomorrow! But did you? Probably not. And that is largely because sugar is addicting.

Not figuratively. Literally. Sugar is classified as an addictive substance, and it contributes to thousands of deaths every year^[1]. Before we learn how to avoid sugar, let’s be clear about something: there are good sugars and there are bad sugars.

Bad sugars are what your body does not require in order to be healthy. Good sugars are necessary and contribute to a healthy body. These are found in fruits and milk. But remember, you don’t need to eat a ton of natural sugar to be “healthy.” More on that later.

Why do we crave sugar?

For the most part, the intense desire for sugar is caused by all sorts of things happening in your body, and rarely do those things involve a need.

1. You are hungry.

I know, I know. Duh. But I don’t mean you crave sugar because you’re hungry and a cupcake would really hit the spot. I mean your body is hungry and is desperate for you to feed it something^[2]! So what does it do? Your stomach alerts your brain that you need something to fuel you and you need it to be processed quickly. That usually means you crave carbs/sugars. After all, when your stomach is growling loudly enough for the people next door to hear, the last thing you feel like doing is preparing a gourmet salad.

2. We are hard-wired to ingest sugar.

Our oldest ancestors survived by eating sugary fruits^[3]. This was an ideal snack because it provided energy but also helped to store fat. This was handy when it came time to go on very long hunting excursions for their next meal.

But now-a-days, we aren’t hunting for our food, and we don’t need to stay warm in our caves. Yet we are still holding on to the craving for sugar.

3. You ate too much salt.

This is the culprit for me, personally. When you dine out or eat packaged foods, you’re ingesting a ton of sodium. For me, I crave sugar every time I eat chips and salsa or tacos/burritos. For a long time I thought it was just a quirk that after eating Mexican food I wanted ice cream or cookies, but the truth was that my body was reacting to all the sodium. The saltier the food, the bigger your sweet tooth becomes. This goes back to our ancient drive to find sugar; our ancestors had to have variety in their diet, and now our bodies crave variety in the form of tastes and textures^[4].

And too much sugar is really, really bad.

Sure, if we eat a bowl of ice cream for every meal we are going to gain weight, but too much sugar is actually a lot more dangerous than you may realize. Remember earlier when I mentioned sugar caused thousands of deaths? Well, it’s true.

People whose dietary calories come from 25% sugar have a higher risk of dying from cardiovascular diseases. In 2010, more than 133,000 deaths from diabetes, 45,000 deaths from cardiovascular diseases…were reported in more than 50 countries. All of these diseases were related to sugar intake^[5].

As if death wasn’t a big enough consequence of eating too much sugar, it can also have a really detrimental impact on your waist line. Because the body interprets a lack of sugar as a deficiency, our bodies crave sugar and fat. Often times though, those foods our cravings lead us to eat are filled with empty calories and very little nutrition, leaving us hungry and unfulfilled. This causes even more cravings! Talk about a vicious cycle.

So how can you combat sugar cravings and make healthier choices?

As I’m driving home from work, if I’m not listening to a podcast, I listen to local radio. And it never fails: I always hear an advertisement for some local company promising they know the secret to losing weight, to cutting out sugar, to looking great. And while that may sound awesome, it usually comes with a price tag and a lot of disclaimers. The tips below are free, healthy and don’t require any kind of contract.

Here’s how you can fight your cravings in an instant.

1. Chew gum, especially sugar-free ones!

I know it seems like a lame recommendation, but I’m telling you, this is my go-to! Research has proven that chewing gum can reduce food cravings. I’m no scientist, but to me it makes a lot of sense; a lot of times when you start craving junk food, it’s because you’re bored. Chewing gum is a great way to distract yourself while also feeling like you’re doing something^[6].

2. Take a stroll down the street.

This is a win-win. You’re getting a little exercise, but you’re also avoiding those frustrating cravings. It’s all about a scenery change to get your mind off how bad you want the muffin your favorite coffee shop just posted on Instagram.

3. Grab a green apple or any fruits you like to have a sweet bite.

Fruit is full of healthy sugars (but that doesn’t mean you should eat a ton of fruit. Sugar is still sugar at the end of the day!). Keep a granny smith apple handy at home/school/work and eat that when you feel a sugar craving coming on. You get a little sweetness, but you also get fiber and vitamins that a cookie wouldn’t provide.

You also need to think about cutting your sugar intake in the long run.

1. Compromise by combining sugar with healthy food.

Combining foods can be a great way to slowly acclimate to cutting more and more sugar out of your diet. For instance, if you love chocolate, snack on some dark chocolate covered almonds. You’ll get your sugar fix, but you also added a healthy food. Progress! The end goal is to stop that sugar craving entirely, so finding ways to take baby steps toward that goal is helpful.

2. Substitute your sugar cravings with something healthy (in a sneaky way).

When I crave sugar, I crave the sweet smell and taste. I usually have no idea what the actual sugar content amount is. If I get a scone from the cafe down the street, it doesn’t include nutrition facts. A great way to get that sugary fix without all the sugar is to go for something naturally sweet out of habit. I like to get something sweet almost every day around 2:00. Why? That seems to be when I hit my metaphorical wall. The sugar gets me through the end of the day. But instead, if I went for a naturally sweet tea like apple spice or vanilla almond (calorie free and all-natural), I would get the mental fix that I feel sugar provides, without the guilt and fat!

3. Control your salty servings as well.

When trying to change your long-term eating habits, portion control is key. Figure out what is best for you, but start out with a lean protein, a healthy fat (think: avocados, olive or coconut oil), big serving of vegetables. Notice what’s missing? Carbs. This is because carbs turn into sugar and that’s what we are trying to avoid!

4. Go online and find recipes to make your own healthy snacks.

If you really feel like you have to feel like you’re enjoying a sweet snack, consult Pinterest for healthy recipe options that use natural maple syrup, honey, and other natural sweeteners. This involves pre-planning and effort, but if you make it a habit to keep healthy options on hand, it will never feel overwhelming^[7].

5. Treat yourself every while and then and indulge thoughtfully.

Lastly, as you begin to cut sugar out of your every day life, you will inevitably experience moments of intense weakness in which you have to have something sweet or you will explode. When those times happen, if you really can’t talk yourself out of them, follow Susan Moores, MS, RD and registered dietitian’s advice and indulge. The catch? choose quality, not quantity. Rather than sitting down with a whole case of oreos, pick a decadent treat and savor every single bite.

Reference

[1]	^	Addiction Resource: Sugar Addiction: Facts and Figures
[2]	^	Keri Glassman: 4 Reasons Why You Have Sugar Cravings
[3]	^	Business Insider: An Evolutionary Explanation For Why We Crave Sugar
[4]	^	Women’s Health: Q&A: Why Do I Crave Sweets After Eating Something Salty?
[5]	^	Addiction Resource: Sugar Addiction: Facts and Figures
[6]	^	WebMD: 13 Ways to Fight Sugar Cravings
[7]	^	SheKnows: What those crazy sugar cravings are really trying to tell you

The post Read This and You’ll Find Healthier Ways to Satisfy That Sweet Tooth of Yours! appeared first on Lifehack.

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