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Touristy Things in DC













Touristy Things in DC

by @nickgerber

How Feeling Embarrassed Becomes My Edge in Every Unpredictable Situation

Embarrassment can strike at any time.

It might be a glass of wine you’ve knocked over, accidentally scratching someone’s iPhone, or even standing on the paw of a friend’s dog!

Careless mistakes like these, can rapidly induce high levels of personal embarrassment.

However…

Embarrassment is a natural response. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

That’s right. It’s perfectly natural to feel and look embarrassed when you’ve made a blunder.[1]

Think of it like this: Embarrassment is a non-verbal way of saying that you’re sorry. It also clearly indicates to other people that you don’t normally make this mistake, and you’re certainly not comfortable with it.

Furthermore, researchers have found that people who are prone to feeling and expressing embarrassment are regarded by others as trustworthy. They’re also more likely to be forgiven for any incident/mistake, than someone who shows no signs of embarrassment.[2]

It’s fair to say that embarrassment makes us feel bad. However, this feeling can act as a prompter, so that we don’t repeat the same mistakes. In other words, embarrassment can be an effective learning tool.

Embarrassment shows people that you care.

As mentioned above, embarrassment can be a valuable tool in learning how to avoid making the same mistakes repeatedly.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Rita Mae Brown

Embarrassment can also indicate your emotional openness.

For example, if you blush easily, this immediately indicates to other people that you’re a sensitive person. And given the choice between dealing with a cold-hearted person, or a sensitive person, I’m sure you can guess who the vast majority of us would choose.

Personal interactions are vitally important in this world. So, rather than trying to hide your blushes, recognize them as a healthy response to embarrassing situations.

So, why not make embarrassment your advantage?

Are you ready to learn the secrets of transmuting embarrassment into its positive counterpart?

As you’ll see… it’s like turning lead into gold.

1. When you stay cool in awkward moments, you’re impressive.

You’ve just started a new job as a manager at a local convenience store. And you’re keen to build a good impression with your staff. Unfortunately for you, the customer from hell has just walked through the door!

They approach you and immediately begin to aggressively complain about the store, the staff – and even you. It’s a scenario that could easily see you crumble, and lose face with your new staff.

Luckily, you manage to keep your cool (at least on the outside), and you deal confidently and decisively with the complainer. Your new team are impressed by your calmness and ability to quickly react to a difficult situation.

2. When you laugh at your mistakes, you look confident.

Needing a break from your home, you’ve chosen to take your family to Starbucks for some drinks. Your order a couple of lattes, a frappucino and an iced tea. The drinks are prepared and placed on a tray for you to take them to your table.

As you make your way across the cafĂ©, you accidentally catch one of your feet on a table leg. The collision is enough to throw you off balance – and for the drinks to slide off the tray and onto the floor!

It’s an embarrassing situation, for sure.

Fortunately, you have a well-developed sense of humor, and you’re able to see the funny side in the incident. Instead of getting angry by the event, you’re able to laugh it off. It’s an attractive trait, and one that will likely lead you to getting the drinks replaced for free!

3. When you’re blushing, you build social bonds.

You’re no social butterfly, but you’ve agreed to go along to a friend’s housewarming party. Before arriving, you start to feel apprehensive about meeting new people.

Your friend greets you at their door, asks you to come in, and then (to your horror) starts introducing you to a dozen or more people that you’ve never seen before. Your natural shyness is easy to spot, as your face is blushing, and you’re struggling to keep eye contact with everyone you’re introduced to.

Now, you may regard your behavior as a bad thing, but to the people meeting you, they’re likely to see you in a favorable light. For example, they’ll probably see you as a sensitive and sympathetic person.

And one other thing… Researchers have found that ‘blushers’ are better at relationships – as they have higher levels of monogamy and trustworthiness.[3]

4. When you’re very aware of the first-time of something, you do better.

You’ve just passed your driving test, and for the first time, you’ll be able to drive on your own (without the aid of an instructor). You’re uneasy and nervous about taking your first solo drive. In this tense mental and emotional state, you’ll have heightened senses which will lead to you take extra care and caution.

It’s a similar situation when you start a new job. You’re likely to go out of your way to ensure that you don’t make any mistakes – or make a fool out of yourself on your first day. Use this ‘first-time awareness’ to keep you clear from embarrassing situations, or at least to deal quickly and effectively with these situations.

Just remember that this state should not be your norm. In day-to-day life, you should be relaxed and composed.

5. When you accepting and enjoy the inevitable, you have a better time.

It’s your 30th birthday, and your partner has booked a surprise visit to a comedy show.

While you love comedy, you hate attention.

As the show moves into full gear, you have a gut feeling that the next comedian is going to pick on you. And he does! He’s heard it’s your birthday, and now he has a whole list of jokes to go through – each of them mocking you relentlessly. You’d love to walk out, but hey, you’re supposed to be having fun!

The trick to dealing with this embarrassing situation is to accept that it’s happening, and there’s little point fighting against it. Once you shift into this mental state, suddenly the situation won’t seem as bad – and won’t appear to last as long.

I hope that I’ve been able to give you a fresh perspective on embarrassment.

You don’t need to be afraid of it. Instead, you can use it as a positive weapon in all of your interpersonal relationships.

Reference

[1] Independent: Why Embarrassment Is a Healthy Emotion
[2] Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Flustered and Faithful: Embarrassment as a Signal of Prosociality
[3] WikiHow: How to Avoid Blushing

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How Successful Entrepreneurs Maximze Benefits and Minimize Risks When They Make Changes

Nearly three centuries ago, Benjamin Franklin made a profound statement that every entrepreneur should live by: “When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.”

This value in this quote didn’t pass with the late genius. In the 21st Century, his advice is more relevant than ever.

Change is an inevitable part of entrepreneurship. New demographic trends, technology and other changes are constantly shaping the future of your business.

Unfortunately, most companies fail to implement change. According to Tor Benrick, nearly three quarters of these efforts are unsuccessful.[1]

A number of factors contribute to these failures. Fortunately, you can execute change more effectively by choosing the right change management models.

Overview of Top Change Management Models

Many change management models have emerged over the years. They include:

  • The Unfreeze-Change-Refreeze Model. This model focuses on the fact that certain customs and processes are built into the organization. Before change can take place, the organization must open itself up to the concept of change.
  • Kotter’s 8-Step Model of Change. This model focuses on setting short-term goals and creating a sense of urgency to every member of the team.
  • Bridge’s Transitional Model. The Bridge’s Transitional Model focuses on the impact change and complacency have on the organization and individuals within it. While this model can’t be implemented on its own, it is a great complement to other change management models.
  • Prosci ADKAR Model. This is an incremental, individualized process that all employees must embrace. Each individual sets their own objectives to make change more flexible.
  • Virginia Satir Change Process. The Virginia Satir Change Process is a more holistic change management model that focuses on the impact on individuals and helps them welcome new change.

Each of these models has its own benefits and drawbacks. Organizations should be aware of all of them and use them to their fullest advantage.

Which Is Best for Your Company?

Several change management models have gained acceptance over the past century. While these models all serve important purposes, some are better suited for specific business goals.

It is important to understand the merits of different change management models and know when to apply them. Here is an overview of some of the most widely used.

1. Unfreeze-Change-Refreeze Model: Break Resistance

In the 1940s, German-American psychologist Kurt Lewin developed the Unfreeze-Change-Refreeze model,[2] which remains one of the most widely used change management models to this day.

Lewin recognized that humans are ambivalent about change. They may recognize the benefits change brings, but fear of the unknown can halt efforts to execute change.

When is it most effective?

The Unfreeze-Change-Refreeze model focuses on breaking their resistance to change. In order to accomplish this, leaders must provide a motivation to venture out of their comfort zones. Tai Lopez [3] states that motivation can come in different forms: higher compensation, better working conditions and promise of future praise are all commonly used.

Once employees are given the motivation to embrace change, the process can begin. After it is completed, the change is permanently accepted as part of the company structure.

When is it less effective?

Negative motivators are less effective, such as threats of termination for failing to accept change. However, there may be instances where fear needs to be used, such as dealing with particularly stubborn employees during a crisis. As a rule of thumb, positive motivational strategies should be used whenever possible.

While the Unfreeze-Change-Refreeze model is undoubtedly effective, it has one key downside: it takes a long time to execute. Leaders need to gradually encourage employees to come around to the inevitable.

2. Kotter’s 8-Step Model of Change: A Collaborative Effort

John Paul Kotter, the Konosuke Matsushita Professor of Leadership, Emeritus, for the Harvard Business School, has been one of the leading organizational change researchers for 45 years. One of his most ground-breaking accomplishments was the development of Kotter’s 8-Step Model of Change.

This model is more detailed than Lewin’s. It relies on the following steps:

  • Communicating the urgent need for change
  • Developing the coalition to guide change
  • Formulating the vision
  • Communicating the vision
  • Empowering employees and delegating duties to execute change
  • Setting short-term goals
  • Consolidating gains and setting longer-term goals
  • Ingraining new changes into the company culture

When is it most effective?

For many organizations, the advantage this model has over the Unfreeze-Change-Refreeze model is that it makes change a collaborative process. For companies that strive to foster a sense of inclusiveness and mutual accountability, this is a better model.

Alberto Irace, CEO of Acea, has heavily praised Kotter’s system.[4]

These results and initiatives have an extraordinary and immense value, because it contributes not only to the spirit of the participants, but it also shows with evidence and tangible clarity that this dual system is for us reachable and doable and is dependent on the desire, curiosity, interest and passion that each of us can bring to his or her daily work.

When is it less effective?

However, it is still one of the top-down change management models, so it may not be participative enough for smaller companies. The nature of small companies which employees tend to take multiple responsibilities and are more familiar with the entire operation of the business renders the process of communicating the change and vision quite nonsense.

3. Bridge’s Transitional Model: Let go, comply and accept

Bridge’s Transitional Model focuses more heavily on the impact change and complacency have on the individuals within the company. While it isn’t a stand-alone model for driving change, it is a great tool to be used in conjunction with other models. The model is 3-stage which can be summarized by the diagram below:

The first phase involves ending, losing and letting go. These happen when people are forced to experience a change unwillingly and to let go of something they have been comfortable with.

The second phase involves the neutral emotion. People at this stage are trying hard to cope with the change and cause some emotional ups and downs.

The third phase involves a new beginning. At this stage, people have fully adapted to the changes and start developing skills around the change.

When is it most effective?

It requires entrepreneurs to get input from their employees through every stage of the process, thereby getting them to buy into it, so this model is ideal for smaller companies with more participative leadership styles.

When is it less effective?

As the focus of the model is on transition and how to cope with it smoothly, this model alone is ineffective in change management. Most usually, it is best employed with another change management to ensure the harmonious transition.

4. Prosci ADKAR Model: Incremental steps-oriented

The Prosci ADKAR Model is a goal-oriented approach to change-management. It requires businesses and individuals to setup incremental steps.

One of the unique things about the Prosci ADKAR Model is the focus on individual change and organizational change. By helping individuals set their own goals, they can often foster change better. However, individual goals need to be sync with the direction of the company.

When is it most effective?

The feature that it magnifies the potential pros and cons can be a confidence boost for employees to work harder for the change. While most companies fail their attempts to change due to their focus on the method employed, this model shifts the focus to maximize the contribution of employees.

When is it less effective?

While the model emphasizes the emotional aspect of human involvement in change, it actually doesn’t give a very concrete explanation on how to implement it. Also it mentions quite less about the actual management method.

5. Virginia Satir Change Process: Embrace negativity

Developed by a leading family therapy researcher, the Virginia Satir Change Process focuses on four stages:

  • Coming to terms with the problems of the status-quo
  • Recognizing the need to address new change into the process
  • Embracing chaos
  • Using chaos to inspire new ideas

When is it most effective?

The good thing about this model is that it forces people to embrace the stressfulness of change, rather than resisting it. Learning to properly handle the negativity can facilitate the change process.

When is it less effective?

Despite encouragement on the acceptance of the potential negative emotions arisen from changes, the model does not provide actual solution on how to deal with the problem.

Review Your Business and Choose the One That Fits It Most

Many different change management models have been developed over the years. They all have their benefits, but there are a variety of things you need to keep in mind before choosing one. The size of your company and the level of autonomy in your leadership style are the two biggest factors that need to be taken into consideration.

Reference

[1] Tor Benrick: Barriers to Organizational Change 
[2] MindTools: Lewin’s Change Management Model)
[3] Linkedln: Tai Lopez
[4] Kotter International: The 8-Step Process for Leading Change

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Quiz: How Self Aware Are You? It Can Predict How Your Life Would Be Like

Self awareness is described as the conscious knowledge of our character, desires, emotions, and motives. When we are self aware, we are able to improve our relationships across the span of our lives, improve the ability to achieve our dreams, and have an overall happier life.

The Road to Self Awareness

Like most people, it took me quite a while to really come to my own self awareness. Through out my teens and twenties, I was existing as I thought I was supposed to. I avoided really knowing myself and loving who I was as I was. I couldn’t explain how I felt most of the time and often felt “stuck” with my life as it was happening. By the time I hit my 30’s, I could feel a real need for change. By my later 30’s I took the bull by it’s horns and started making big changes in my life and seeking out therapy to help me achieve my own self awareness. By my 40’s I began living my life completely aware of me, what I wanted, how I felt, and what motivated me. It doesn’t mean that my existence is 100% perfect and always happy. But my overall attitude about life has changed drastically. I have better friendships, romantic and familial relationships, and I am working the job of my dreams.

Master Your Life

Ever since I learned how to be more self aware, I have begun sharing that journey with others. I would love to see everyone mastering their life on their terms and feeling fulfilled. Self awareness is the first step to take to mastering your life. When you are aware of yourself and who you are, you are able to understand where your thoughts and emotions are taking you. This is an important step towards changing your attitude, changing how you are working relationships and achieving your dreams, and the perception of happiness.

Take The Quiz!

To help you understand yourself a bit better, answer these questions to see where you are with self-awareness. Answer them as honestly as possible to get the most out of it! Now grab yourself a piece of paper and let’s see where you are.

Mark down the points according to this:

Not at all (1 pt), Rarely (2 pt), Sometimes (3pt), Often (4 pt), Very often (5 pt)

  1. I can recognize my emotions as I feel them.
  2. I use active listening skills when someone speaks to me.
  3. I lose my temper when I feel frustrated.
  4. I struggle to build rapport with others.
  5. People have told me that I am a good listener.
  6. I find it difficult to read others’ emotions.
  7. I know how to calm myself down when I feel upset or anxious.
  8. I set long term goals and assess them on a regular basis.
  9. I enjoy organizing groups.
  10. I ask people for feedback on what I do well and how I can improve.
  11. I find it hard to focus on things on a long term basis.
  12. I don’t enjoy my work.
  13. I find it difficult to move on when I am frustrated or upset.
  14. I know my strengths and weaknesses.
  15. I avoid conflict and negotiations.

Tally up your scores from each question. Be mindful that the scoring changes for some of the questions! Read below in your category to see where you are with self-awareness.

15-34 Points – You need to work on your self-awareness. You may find yourself overwhelmed by your emotions, especially in difficult or stressful situations. This could cause you to avoid all conflict, struggle to calm down when upset, and see yourself struggling with relationships.

35-55 Points – Your self-awareness is okay. You may still be overwhelmed by your emotions and at times avoid conflict. But you don’t avoid all conflict! You have a few close good relationships but others are harder for you to work at.

56-75 Points – You have an excellent sense of self-awareness! You have wonderful relationships and may find people seeking you out for your advice to help them with problems. You also find yourself being able to work towards goals and feel fulfilled when you are able to reach them.

If you are low on the points, there is no need to worry! You can always improve your self-awareness by seeking out a therapist to work on coping skills and the ability to observe your emotions and what is taking place in that moment. Even if you are high on self-awareness, it doesn’t hurt to check in with yourself on occasion to make sure you aren’t getting lost in the mix.

I hope that you were able to think about your own self-awareness and make some healthy goals to improve your situation so that you can live the life you have always wanted!

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