Saturday, May 13, 2017

What Makes Our Listening Ineffetcive and to Improve It

Engaging in selective listening may be the easiest way to pick a fight with your significant other. I know I’m guilty of it. I listen to what he says and assume I understand what he means, and not always in a positive way.

This misunderstanding typically stems from the fact that I am not actually listening at all. I am hearing what I want to hear and tuning out everything in between. This causes me to have my own version of the entire conversation, and it usually isn’t very accurate. Many women will joke that their husbands have selective listening, but could it be that we are all a little guilty of it?

What Is Selective Listening and Why It Is Problematic

Selective listening, or selective attention, is the phenomenon that occurs when we only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. It’s a type of mental filtering in which we tune out someone’s opinions or ideas when they don’t line up with ours.[1] This isn’t just a bad habit or rude behavior. It’s part of a big problem which results when you are unable to hear what someone has to say because you are refusing to submit yourself to the underlying confrontation. That potential fight is the real reason we often stop hearing what someone has to say; we’ve already decided they’re wrong because we are right.

If You Want to Have Good Listening, You Need to Care First

Good listening ultimately comes down to priorities. If we deem something to be important and worth listening to, there’s a good chance we are going to block out all background noise and focus on that one thing. But if we’re listening to our spouse remind us to get milk, there’s a good chance we’ll be more focused on the celebrity gossip show we’re watching and listening to. In fact, our brains were made to prioritize some audio cues over others!

Whether we are fully aware of it or not, we are always selectively listening. Science has proven that our brains are able to determine which conversations to tune out (no matter how many are happening around us simultaneously), but our brains also give us the ability to focus on specific conversations individually while multiple conversations compete for our attention [2].

Selective Hearing Can Make You Close-Minded and Destroy the Relationships You Cherish

Though choosing not to hear the request to take out the garbage can seem petty, selective hearing as a whole is a big deal. It completely closes you off to accepting, or even entertaining, different ideas. This ultimately impacts the things you may choose to believe and learn.

More so, the partner who is sick of you “not hearing” them ask you to wash the dishes or fold the laundry may not stick around to see what else your ears ignore. Relationships only work if communication is strong, and selective hearing makes it hard to understand the needs and wants of others. In fact, some people may view your refusal to truly listen as a sign that you are manipulating the relationship and making it completely one-sided.

When You Recall the Memory of Not Being Listened to, You’ll Know Why You Need a Change

Acknowledging that you may sometimes suffer from selective listening is not enough — you have to change and be a better partner and friend.

Think about the last time it was clear to you that the person you were talking to had no interest in what you were saying. It was apparent that they didn’t want to hear what you had to say, and even if they were nodding their head, your words were going in one ear and out the other. Frustrating, wasn’t it?

Why do you think that person was tuning you out? Was it the timing of the conversation? Were you interrupting something important? Was it a deep conversation in which you knew the other person would have opposing views?

No matter what, think about how that conversation has affected every conversation you’ve had with that person after the selective listening experience. Has it changed how you communicate? It’s important to politely ask that person to be open to what you’re saying, but to emphasize that they don’t have to agree with what you voice.

Listening Isn’t Only About Your Ears But Also Your Mind

Choosing to be less selective in your listening does not mean you have to be less selective in your opinions and ideas. Instead, it’s a matter of welcoming differing opinions and allowing yourself to consider them. Even if the end result is the same — you aren’t open-minded about a new idea, or you will never help unload the dishwasher and dust the shelves in the living room — fine. What matters is that you actively listened and made a decision after weighing the options. Imagine the impact that could have on your communication with everyone you encounter.

Remember, before this article, you may not have realized that you ever listened selectively or that it could negatively affect your relationships. So, be patient with those around you as they try to be more self-aware, too. And hey, you could always casually share this article with them!

Reference

The post What Makes Our Listening Ineffetcive and to Improve It appeared first on Lifehack.



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Apps Aren't Always Distracting. These 10 Apps Actually Help You Focus!

Our computers and smartphones are often considered the ultimate machines of distraction. They can be so full of entertainment possibilities that many of us can’t go a single hour without looking at our phones many many times.

When some apps seem built to test our self control, placing themselves in our minds, almost like addictions. These 10 apps don’t demand our attention, but instead aim to improve it. With them improving your productivity and reducing stress [1] in your day-to-day life will be easier.

Headspace 2.0

Headspace is a very popular meditation app. Don’t worry though, the meditation here is stripped of any religious and spiritual stuff and instead aims to help you receive the many benefits meditation can give you.

Aside from improving your focus and concentration, meditation has been shown to make you less prone to anger, improve memory, make you more empathetic, and improve your ability to make good decisions.

It’s little wonder then that Headspace advertises itself as a kind of “gym” for the mind. Headspace aims to bring you in easy ten minute chunks.

Noizio

Noizio, and Noisli are not only pretty similar in name, but also function. Noizio is an ambient sound generator, one exclusive to Apple devices such as your Mac or iPhone. I have written about how ambient sound helps boost your focus, so if you loved Noisli or other ambient sound apps, then you’ll love this one, too.

Panda Focus Mode

While online, with the sum of all human knowledge and cat videos at your finger tips, it can be easy to get distracted and forget why you went on the internet in the first place. Panda Focus Mode counters this by showing you a to-do list you entered every time you open a new tab. By being reminded of everything you need to do, the items on your list will take center stage in your mind.

Focus Booster

Focus Booster is built around the Pomodoro technique [2] , a time management system, where the time spent on work is broken down into manageable chunks.
The app is extremely versatile, it allows you to set the time spent on work or rest, as well as generate graphs showing you how your time was spent throughout the day. With this info, you’ll be able to plan your day and time, exactly according to how you use your time.

Currently it’s only a desktop app, but mobile versions are coming soon.

Noisli

Noisli aims to boost your focus and productivity through ambient sounds and music. What’s more it helps you create a playlist of your favorite sounds, making sure you are as happy and comfortable as possible while you listen.

But how can simple ambient sounds actually improve your productivity?
Surely, the only way ambient music can improve your focus and productivity is by boring you so much you want to work instead of listening.

Actually, there are many ways ambient sound can improve your self control and focus. For example, normally when we listen to sound, it is coming from many different directions and different distances. Ambient sound presents a persistent sound that doesn’t change. Enabling you to listen without your mind jumping to the causes of each noise. It helps you focus on the present [3].

In a way, ambient sounds creates a new mental environment. This is what Nosili can bring you.

Forest

Forest is a pretty ingenious app. The previous two sought to improve your focus and concentration aimed to hack your brain and subconscious through meditation and ambient sounds. Forest functions more like a game. Some of you more seasoned readers may remember the Tamigotchi, that annoying little virtual pet that had the habit of dying on you when left alone. Forest functions remarkably similarly.

Once you activate the app a virtual tree begins to grow, and grow. Soon a virtual forest powered, by your productivity can grow and flourish. While its growing you are encouraged to work, or at the very least, leave your smartphone or computer alone. If you pick up your phone and turn off the app, your virtual tree dies.

Its a unique concept, an app that doesn’t want you to use your phone. But its popularity suggests it works.

Brain.FM

Like Noisli, Brain FM uses music to help your concentration. However the music here is artificially generated and designed for you to improve your focus. There are different channels on the app to aid you through a number of tasks, working, for example, but also a channels for meditation, and sleep.

Though the pieces of music are computer generated, they, none the less are generated with relaxing and improving focus and concentration in mind. As such, the app is extremely effective at boosting your focus while in use.

Freedom

Freedom is an app that is growing in popularity. The way it works is quite simple, it blocks access to chosen apps, programs, and even your browsers cutting away all distractions.

We all have that app we check or use more than we should. I was a fiend for Angry Birds a couple years ago. This is fine, but it becomes a problem if they are distracting you from work or creative projects. Freedom (the app not the concept) eliminates the issue by making it impossible to access these distracting apps.

Unlike some other, similar apps, freedom can be used across many devices, making both it and you more efficient in the process.

Hocus Focus

Hocus Focus is pretty similar to Freedom, in the way it helps boost your focus by cutting out distracting apps and programs. However, what makes it different is that it hides applications which are not in use, making you less tempted to move away from whatever you’re doing and go back to it.

There are different ways it works. You can have it hide applications as soon as you move away from them, or instead, hide them after a few minutes have passed. It works according to your preferences.

Self Control

Where the other apps in this list are like friends or parents, lovingly guiding your hand to productivity, Self Control is like an angry drill sergeant who plans to break you into working.

There are many productivity apps which try to block distractions for a predetermined time limit. Some of them are on this list. However what makes Self Control different, is that it cannot be turned off.

That’s right, even if you choose to delete the application or turn off your computer, it keeps working. The only way to get it to stop is by waiting and working until the timer runs out. By doing this it enforces rigid discipline and focus.

Reference

[1] Huffingtonpost: 4 Unexpected Benefits of Increasing Focus
[2] Lifehack: The Pomdoro Technique: Is It Right For You?
[3] Noisey: Ambient Music Isn’t Boring, It Changed My Life

The post Apps Aren’t Always Distracting. These 10 Apps Actually Help You Focus! appeared first on Lifehack.



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Sophie Standing’s Textile Art Sophie Standing is a British-born... crss





















Sophie Standing’s Textile Art

Sophie Standing is a British-born artist who has lived in Africa for 15 years. She produces her art by combining applique and free motion embroidery. The details of the animals are created by sewing with different colored threads only. 


Don’t forget to tag #crossconnect in your tweets!

posted by tu recepcja

crss

Sophie Standing’s Textile Art Sophie Standing is a British-born...





















Sophie Standing’s Textile Art

Sophie Standing is a British-born artist who has lived in Africa for 15 years. She produces her art by combining applique and free motion embroidery. The details of the animals are created by sewing with different colored threads only. 


Don’t forget to tag #crossconnect in your tweets!

posted by tu recepcja

Villa DedalosDesigned by award winning firm G-Architects, the...





















Villa Dedalos

Designed by award winning firm G-Architects, the arresting Villa Dedalos fuses classical whitewashed Cycladic style with magazine-worthy aesthetics for a glamorous Mykonos getaway.

Situated high above the sandy Elia beach, it commands spectacular views of the Aegean Sea and the surrounding islands, all of which can be enjoyed in their full splendor from the sumptuous outdoor spaces gracing the property.

The 6 glistening all-white bedrooms are an alluring mix of rustic chic and contemporary elegance, with rough stone wall features and futuristic beds illuminated from underneath.

More than that, the villa boasts a stunning infinity-edge swimming pool and comes appointed with the latest amenities and in-house technology.