Tuesday, April 4, 2017

What Narcissists Are Actually Thinking And Why

Does any of these situations reminds you of anyone around?

He asked you for your opinion, but followed only what he said every time after you talked about what you thought.

She loved to talk about herself, everything about her was just better than you. But when you tried to share with her anything happy or good about yourself, she seriously doubted it.

If yes, it’s likely that you’re dealing with some narcissists.

But what is a narcissist?

Narcissism is a spectrum personality disorder which most of us actually have.

In popular culture, narcissism is interpreted as a person who’s in love with themselves, more accurately, their idealized selves. Narcissists believe that they are too unique to be understood and that they are so good that they demand for admiration from others.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that,[1]

the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissism as a personality disorder. It is a spectrum disorder, which means it exists on a continuum ranging from some narcissistic traits to the full-blown personality disorder.[2]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not very common, but the truth is, we all have some of the narcissistic traits.

Traits of a narcissist:

  • They have a deep need for admiration and validation. Because they think they’re special and too unique to be understood.
  • They feel they are superior to other. Because they’re more talented, they achieve more and know a lot more than you.
  • They do not show their vulnerabilities. Because they fear what others think of them and they want to remain superior in all situations.
  • They are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. Because they want to be the centre of attention and believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
  • They are skilled manipulators and are emotionally abusive. They know how to make use of their charm to take advantage of others to get what they want.

Narcissism could be a result of an unhealthy childhood, or a wounded past.

Narcissists are desperate to seek validation constantly because they either didn’t feel worthwhile and valued in the past, or were being paid too much attention as the most precious and unique one in the world.

Faulty or inadequate parenting, for example a lack of limit setting, is believed to be a major cause, and both permissive and authoritarian styles of parenting have been found to promote narcissistic symptoms.[3]

Both parents who fail to see the worth in a child, and parents who spoil and give excessive praise to the child promote narcissism as the child grows. While the former ones make the child feel inferior of others and want to get more attention, the latter ones encourage an idealized-self in the child.

How narcissists think and feel are very different from non-narcissists.

Narcissism expert and the author of Narcissism in a Nutshell, Zari Ballard, tried to answer some common questions asked by non-narcissists about what a narcissist thinks and feels from a narcissist’s perspective.[4]

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. It’s all we know…True narcissists don’t want to change. Most don’t even believe they have a problem. We love every minute of it. It’s who we are. We feel in total control of our lives using this method. Anything less is unacceptable.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

Not being guided by a ‘moral compass’ means that judgments of good vs. bad and rights vs. wrong are determined using a different mechanism. Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. While such a simplistic method of decision-making leaves plenty of room for error, it also explains why they are sometimes unaware of the trouble they cause or outright do not care…

There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’

Narcissists simply have a very different thinking mechanism. They see things from a different perspective. Unlike non-narcissists and empaths, they don’t have much sympathy and are reluctant to show emotions to others.

To deal with a narcissist, learn to embrace the differences.

There’re different personality types and not everyone will think and act the same as you do. Instead of trying to change others, learn to accept the differences and strike a balance when you really have to communicate with them.

Don’t try to change a narcissist, focus on your own needs.

Try to understand that narcissists are resistant to change, it’s more important for you to see who they really are, instead of who you want them to be. Focus on how you feel, and what you want yourself to be.

Embrace the fact that there’re different types of personality and the only thing you can control is your attitude and your own actions.

Recognize what a narcissist does only comes from their insecurity.

Narcissists are quite vulnerable deep inside, they question others because that’s how they can make themselves feel better.

When you learn that what a narcissist does to you is nothing personal, but something that comes from their insecurity, you know that sometimes they just need a certain amount of reassurance.

This is especially important if the narcissist is someone you have to closely work with, or if they’re your family member. The right amount of reassurance can calm them down and get the tasks on hand completed.

Ask the narcissist what would others think, instead of what’d others feel.[5]

Narcissists don’t feel guilty, but they care about how others think of them deep in their heart.

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein explains:

If you are in a position to advise, ask what people would think. Narcissists are not stupid; there are just things, like other people’s feelings, that they rarely consider. If you have their ear, don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

If you have to work with a narcissist closely, focus on the facts and ideas, not the emotions.

Let go of the need for getting a narcissist’s approval.

You’re not who a narcissist says you are. Don’t let their blame game undermine your self-esteem, and don’t argue with them just to defend what you believe is right.

There is no point arguing with a narcissist just to prove them wrong because they will not give in proving themselves right. It’s more likely that you’ll get more upset when they disagree with you in an unpleasant way.

Know your own worth and detach from a narcissist’s opinion on you.

And if there’s a choice, choose to stay away from the narcissists.

Remember, a healthy relationship is two-sided. It’s about mutual respect and it’s based on give and take. But any kind of relationship with a narcissist is likely to be the contrary, it’s about making the narcissist happy and constantly supporting them. A relationship like this will only weigh you down and is unhealthy for your growth.

Set a boundary and always keep it.

If you’re setting a boundary, you have to be willing to keep it. When a narcissist sees that you’re trying to take back control of your life, they will try to test your limits, it’s just their instinct to do it.

Be prepared that your boundary will be challenged. Make your boundary clear, have all the actions needed to be taken in your mind.

For example, if you have decided to stop communicating with them, they will likely to show up in front of you just to talk to you. Be brave enough to keep your boundary, don’t back down and get close to them again; or else they will not take your boundary seriously any more.

Learn when to walk away.

When a narcissist starts to make you feel uncomfortable and doubt about yourself, it’s time to pick yourself up and give yourself enough respect to just walk away from them.

If you’re in love with a narcissist, you should seriously think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life. If the narcissist is your family member, you don’t have to be cruel to them, but it’s better to keep distant from them.

Reference

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How Startups Can Analyze Market Fast And Accurate: The Porter's Five Forces

If you are looking to start a business but are unfamiliar with the potential profitability in the industry, this simple tool is the perfect one for you to start with — Porter’s Five Forces Model is an effective tool to evaluate the existing market.

And if sometimes you are asked to analyze a market and identify its major competitors but you are struggling on where to begin; or, if you are looking to raise your company’s competitiveness in the industry, the Porter’s Five Forces Models could then be your remedy.

What exactly are the Porter’s Five Forces?

The Porter’s Five Forces Model is named after Michael E. Porter, an economist. He proposed the model in his 1979 book Competitive Strategy. While there are different names for the five forces to different experts, they are essentially the same. Generally, the five forces are as follows:

1. Threat of Substitution

It concerns the availability of substitutes products or services from the competitors. Porter’s definition of substitute good in the model refers to a good in another industry. The goods or services are substitutes if they can be used in place of one another. This force is affected by various factors including the cost for customers to switch to a substitute, buyer’s propensity to substitute and price-performance of substitutes.

2. Threat of Established Rivals

It considers the strength of the rivalry present in the current industry.There are a number of possible factors including number of competitors, pace of market growth and diversity of competition.

3. Threat of New Entrants

It refers to the potential threat posed by newcomers in the industry. It is also known as the barriers to entry as it measures the vitality of new entrants in an industry. Capital costs, branding of existing competitors and requirement of proprietary technology or patents are the major factors influencing the force.

4. Bargaining Power of Suppliers

It concerns the ease for suppliers or factor of production to raise prices. For example, the number of possible suppliers and whether they produce homogenous or differentiated products can influence the price to a great extent.

5. Bargaining Power of Customers

It considers the ease for customers to push for a lower price. To illustrate, it is more likely for customers to demand a lower price if they purchase a large amount of goods or services. Number of customers and brand name strength also affect the bargaining power of customers.

The first three forces are from horizontal competition while the remaining are from vertical competition.

What’s good about the Porter’s Five Forces?

Every owner and stakeholder of a business has a question in common: how to maximise the profitability?

By evaluating the industry using the model, we can grasp a clearer picture of the overall environment of the industry. In fact, the model can also be applied to have a better understanding of the current major competitors. Identifying their strengths and weaknesses allows us to devise a better strategy to further boost our competitiveness.

We can also evaluate the potential of our business by comparing us with other competitors to see if the market has been saturated or not.

On the other hand, the model tells us on what aspect we are better. Thus, we can put more effort to expand our competitive advantage in order to always stay ahead of the counterparts.

Besides, after analysing the current and potential future states of the five competitive forces, we can seek to manipulate the forces in our favour. Adjusting the strategy can change the impact of competitive forces on the organization. A proper shift in direction can lead the company to a bright future.

Anything challenging about the Porter’s Five Forces?

Despite that Porter’s model may be applied to a lot of good use, it is a little too ideal to look at the industry. The model provides directions to evaluate an industry but such analysis is based on a perfect market assumption. In reality, the market is seldom if not never in such ideal conditions so it is impossible to perfectly evaluate an industry with this model. Instead, the model is only applicable to simple market structures.

Morever, the model overlooks a sixth force – Complementors. Complementors refer to those who sell products and services that are best used in conjunction with a product or service from a competitor. Intel and Apple are a good example which they are in fierce competition yet there is obvious reliance of each other in the industry. Taking the sixth force in account makes the model more well-rounded.

Lastly, the model also overlooks the technology component in today’s business world. As the model was proposed back in 1979, influencing power of technology was almost negligible compared to nowadays. Disregarding the technological aspect may render the whole analysis inaccurate. Hence, the factors in digitalisation or globalisation is usually added into the model now.

When’s the best time to apply the model?

When is a good time to make the best use of the Porter’s Five Forces Model? For business startups, it is unwise for entrepreneurs to start a company before exploring the profitability of a new entrants in the industry. In that case, the model can come in handy to analyse the market before putting in effort and investment.

Also, the model can be a good tool for an operating businessto fine-tune its strategies for better growth. It is especially useful when the business is experiencing stagnant progress and has no clues where goes wrong. The model may provide the answer for the dissatisfaction.

Here we demonstrate how the Porter’s Five Forces Model can be used to evaluate a business. Two world-renowned business, Facebook and Nike, are chosen.

Example 1: Facebook

The social networking market is significantly competitive and is constantly under rapid changes. Due to frequent introduction of new technologies, Facebook has to cope with the situation by continuous innovation and adaption to the ever-changing environment. Besides, the social networking market is unlike other market for its ease to enter the industry.

Consequently, increased number of competitors intensifies the competition further, making the Threat of New Entrants and Established Rivals greater. Lastly, as the mobile market is emerging while the switching cost for users from computer to mobile is low, the Threat of Substitution is also great.

Example 2: Nike

The Threat of Established Rivalry is the major worry for Nike, as there is established as well as upcoming counterparts in the market. The low barrier to entry also poses a big threat to Nike as the large number of competitors will significantly impact the profitability. If Nike is unable to adapt to the customers’ trends, the growth can be severely impacted or even recorded in negative digits.

Besides, the Bargaining Power of Customers is also worth consideration as the wholesaler can request for greater discounts for their tremendous demands.

Featured photo credit: Flaticon via flaticon.com

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Elon Musk's Secret to Leading Changes in the World: Transformational Leadership

Elon Musk plans to send tourists around the moon, colonists to Mars and hack our brains. Yes, it sounds totally insane and impossible! Yet, as the co-founder of PayPal and CEO of SpaceX and Tesla, he has already achieved the unthinkable – seamless transactions of cash across the internet, creating a reusable rocket and landing it vertically on a floating platform.

His secret to success? He doesn’t lead teams like ordinary leaders. He is a transformational leader.

What is Transformational Leadership

Transformational leadership is a kind of leadership which the leader doesn’t just tell team members to do what he/she thinks is right. Instead they work with them to identify the potential opportunities and problems, and develop the strategies with them.

Transformational leaders[1] are just that – those men and women who change the world. With an uncanny ability to spot the antiquated and inefficient components in established systems, they use a team and constant feedback, to tweak and alter the systems, plugging monetary drains as well, or setting up completely new models, their vision realized, dream accomplished.

Characteristics of Transformational Leaders

Leaders who change the world share these traits in common:

They’re able to create a great vision.

They see a need and are able to envision an answer or gather their team players to brainstorm possible solutions. The vision becomes their mission.

They empathize with their employees.

They work side-by-side with their team members on projects. Though they’re the team leader, they’re able to positively influence their team through close rapport. They’re in-tune with their team players needs and concerns.

They never stop to inspire their members. 

These leaders know they are responsible for the team. It is their job to inspire, keep everyone’s head in the game and cheer the team on to the finish line.

They provide all the support members need. 

The goal of a transformational leader is not only completing the task, but also providing the tools and encouragement to team players during the mission in order to develop future leaders.

Real Life Examples of Amazing Transformational Leaders

There’re a lot of successful transformational leaders who have inspired their team and the world. Let’s look at some of the examples.

Richard Branson: the king of taking care of the team

Richard Branson, founder and CEO of the Virgin Group embodies the spirit of transformational leadership. He once said,

“Train people well enough so they can leave, but treat them well enough so they don’t want to.”

With a reputation for ‘happy and playful’ companies, from Virgin Mobile, Virgin Money, Virgin Media and more, Branson’s companies offer employees unlimited vacation time among their perks. He makes sure he takes care of his team. The laid-back Branson believes in the simple formula: happy staff = happy customers.[2] His successful business ventures prove this philosophy works.

Vishen Lakhiani: change the way we think

Mindvalley founder and CEO, Vishen Lakhiani believes in smashing the rules. His unique employee- friendly company, based on transformational education, encourages creativity and interaction.

He provides bean bag chairs in the conference room, and comfortable places to work, not confining his team members to desks.[3] Every year he hosts the Awesomeness Fest, a party/learning experience in a tropical location, introducing new ideas and innovative ways of changing the way people think and view their world.

Thinking outside the box may prove a challenge for some, but for Lakhiani, the box doesn’t even exist!

Henry Ford, Alexander Graham Bell, Gandhi and many more: change the societies

Although it appears that transformational leadership has reached a crescendo during our time, many leaders throughout history have used the practices to change the world as we know it. Without it, we would still be living in caves.

Henry Ford’s envisioned the automobile and gathered a team together to make his dream a reality.

Alexander Graham Bell, the telephone.

Tesla and Thomas Edison, Electricity.

Nelson Mandela stood his ground against apartheid in South Africa.[4] He created a momentum that swept across the world, ending apartheid and unifying his country.

Gandhi, another transformational leader, changed society in India through peace.

None of these leaders could have achieved their visions without motivating a team to back them up.

How to Become a Transformational Leader

1. Have a vision.

Do you see a solution to a problem? An area of society that could be improved? An outdated system in your workplace that needs an overhaul?

Observe what’s lacking in the world and aspire to improve it.

2. Gather a team.

Get a team or tribe of like-minded individuals together.

Put yourself out there, join communities and conferences related to what you care about. Network and meet people who share your ambition.

3. Brainstorm a solution.

Brainstorm different possible solutions to the problem with your team.

List out as many options as possible. Evaluate the cost and benefits of the potential solutions, list out their pros and cons. Select the most efficient answer to work on.

4. Write an action plan.

Write down what is required: tools, money, time to make the best solution work.

Break down big tasks into smaller ones, make sure each task is actionable.

5. Make your goal a mission

Make your goal ambitious and achievable. Share your mission with your team and align everyone’s effort with the ultimate goal.

A clear goal can also motivate the team throughout the way.

6. Always keep your team in mind.

Be the cheerleader, the head coach and work with your team towards the goal.

Talk to your team and listen to their concerns. Take actions accordingly. The best leaders foster growth, independence and creativity.

7. Celebrate your victories and learn from your failures.

Celebrate the small wins, no matter how small they are, don’t take them for granted. Take every mistake made as a chance to learn. Do 5 Whys, find out the root cause of the mistake, learn from it and solve it once and for all.

Embrace transformational leadership, gather your tribe and change the world.

Featured photo credit: Heisenberg Media via flickr.com

Reference

[1] Langston.edu: Transformational Leadership
[2] Virgin.com: Look After Your Staff
[3] MindvalleyInsights.com: Building the World’s Greatest Workplace
[4] thefamouspeople.com: Nelson Mandela Biography

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Cadosch & Zimmermann - Extension and renovation of a 17th...

Cadosch & Zimmermann - Amstad house, Bassersdorf 2002....

Neon Installation by Cerith Wyn Evans hang in London’s... crss











Neon Installation by Cerith Wyn Evans hang in London’s Tate Britain

Almost two kilometers of neon lighting shaped into sharp lines and sweeping forms create this installation by Welsh artist Cerith Wyn Evans, which is suspended in the Tate Britain’s Duveen Galleries. The lighting is structured in three parts, emerging from a single neon ring before developing into a collection of three discs.

Beginning his career as an experimental filmmaker, Wyn Evans (b.1958 in Wales) has incorporated diverse media into his practice, including installation, sculpture, photography, film and text.


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posted by Margaret

crss

Neon Installation by Cerith Wyn Evans hang in London’s...











Neon Installation by Cerith Wyn Evans hang in London’s Tate Britain

Almost two kilometers of neon lighting shaped into sharp lines and sweeping forms create this installation by Welsh artist Cerith Wyn Evans, which is suspended in the Tate Britain’s Duveen Galleries. The lighting is structured in three parts, emerging from a single neon ring before developing into a collection of three discs.

Beginning his career as an experimental filmmaker, Wyn Evans (b.1958 in Wales) has incorporated diverse media into his practice, including installation, sculpture, photography, film and text.


Become a treasure hunter. Check out our archive.

posted by Margaret

Stefan Krötsch - Grey house, energy efficient home...

A projected building for the American Legion in the Bronx, New...



A projected building for the American Legion in the Bronx, New York City

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On Rue Montmartre, Paris

Cristiana Apostol







Cristiana Apostol

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The Ocean Park Bath House, Santa Monica

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Skyscrapers on Wall Street, New York City

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On Hanover Square, New York City

Corner of Maiden Lane and Nassau Street, New York City



Corner of Maiden Lane and Nassau Street, New York City

The grand organ inside the Cathedral, Amiens



The grand organ inside the Cathedral, Amiens

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Floor plan of the old Westminster Palace, London

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Section of the clock-tower at Westminster Palace, London

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Elevation of the clock-tower at Westminster Palace, London

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The Rhinelander Mansion, New York City

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Market Street and the Manhattan Bridge, New York City

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The Automat on Pearl Street, New York City

Florian Busch Architects - K House, Hokkaido 2017. Photos ©...





















Florian Busch Architects - K House, Hokkaido 2017. Photos © Glen Claydon.