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Henke Schreieck Architekten - House G, Pinkafeld 2012. Photos © Margherita Spiluttini.

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This Model Perfectly Explains Why Some Couples Have Great Trouble Even If They Do Their Best

Have you ever felt as though your partner just doesn’t appreciate everything you do for them? Or, perhaps you’ve often wondered whether the two of you are on the same wavelength when it comes to giving and receiving affection, despite the fact that you appear otherwise compatible? Understanding how your significant other prefers to show their affection can go a long way in helping you to empathize with their overall relationship outlook, and this can help both of you feel better understood and appreciated.

Here are the five “love languages,” according to relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman^[1]. Each simply describes a way of showing love and affection:

Words Of Affirmation

This includes verbal expressions of affection such as “I love you,” as well as regular praise.

Acts Of Service

Some people prefer to give and receive love via actions. Someone who speaks this love language may show their love by taking on more than their fair share of the household chores.

Receiving Gifts

Thoughtful presents such as flowers, jewelry or even practical purchases such as a computer keyboard will make an impact with people who primarily speak in this love language.

Quality Time

For those who value this expression of love, day trips and long phone conversations are perceived as the best way to show affection.

Physical Touch

This entails expressions of physical affection, such as hugs, kisses and holding hands.

Why not take this quiz^[2] today to discover your own love language, and then encourage your partner to do the same? Once you both understand how the other likes to express love, your communication is bound to improve. You can make great use of this model to better tailor your own behavior to your partner’s preferences and to be more explicit in expressing how you would like them to show their love for you.

Reference

[1]	^	Lifehacker: How The Five “Love Languages” Can Help You Win At Relationships
[2]	^	The 5 Love Languages: Discover Your Love Language

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4 Uncommon Habits Successful People Have That Make Them Stand Out From The Crowd

Have you ever stopped to wonder why some people appear to draw success to them? It’s as if they’re a magnet to an abundance of opportunities.

Sadly, for most of us, life is little more than a daily chore. We work for hours on end, with little job satisfaction, and a pitiful income. The high-achievers climb ever higher, while we’re left to dream of what might have been.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be this way. Fortunately, we can learn to adopt some of the habits that all successful people do. Let’s take a look.

1. Consistency is the master key to success

Every major achievement has been brought about by certain actions being performed time and time again. For example, a world-class violinist is likely to perform the same warm-ups every day for years. They may even have specific pieces of music that they play repeatedly. They know that to be great at something requires constant and consistent practice.

How can you use consistency to help you be more successful? Well, one thing you could immediately try is to wake up an hour earlier than you currently do. The secret here is to use that extra hour per day to do something useful. If you’re a student, use the time for studying. If you’re building a business, use the time for creating income-generating ideas.

2. Blaming others for your problems is no solution

Successful people don’t take life for granted. They instinctively know that to get far in life requires bucket loads of personal effort, energy, and persistence. What’s more, they also realize that blaming others for problems is a surefire route to failure.

It’s important to realize that life doesn’t owe you something. If you have this mindset, you’re likely to be forever disappointed. Instead of blaming people and circumstances for your problems, start taking charge of your life – and your destiny. And remember, problems are just situations waiting for solutions.

3. Surround yourself with smart people

As popular author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” In other words, you’re likely to become mentally and emotionally similar to those you closely associate with.

This is potentially good news. Because, if needed, you can surround yourself with smart, positive, and upbeat people. Their influence will (over time) act as a natural booster to your goals, ambitions, and happiness.

Let’s be clear though, it doesn’t mean removing negative people from your life. Instead, try to focus on spending more time with friends, colleagues, and family members who support and strengthen you.

4. Criticism is worth more than praise

High-achievers have learned the hard way that criticism is a more valuable tool for success than praise. Many of these successful people actually go out of their way to seek criticism of their plans and ideas. The reason is simple: constructive criticism can help us to learn and grow far more rapidly than would be possible without it.

Unfortunately, today’s fragile society has made most of us averse to criticism. We’d much rather wallow in the warm waters of compliments and praise. While there is certainly a place for praise, if you want to join the high-achievers club, you need to be ready and willing to listen to criticism.

A good example can be taken from the world of sports. Professional players (with a few exceptions) all have coaches. Often, these coaches focus their time on looking for faults in their players’ sporting behaviors. Once they’ve found a fault, they’re able to highlight it to the player and suggest ways to resolve it.

Successful people may appear lucky on first observation. But look again, and you’ll see that they’ve adopted powerful habits that continually propel them towards success.

If you learn and adopt these habits, before long, you’ll be likely to stand out from the crowd and succeed in life like you’ve never done before.

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Psychologists Say This Effect Makes People Become Biased And Feel Lonely

Have you ever felt like you were the only one to experience a certain thought, problem or emotion? Feeling this way can be extremely isolating, leading to loneliness and a bias towards negativity. However, just because you feel different to everyone else, it doesn’t mean that you are.

Psychologists have concrete psychological evidence on how similar our hopes, dreams, and fears really are, and how we can use this information to feel happier, healthier, and more motivated.

An identical personality description can apply to many people.

In 1948, a psychologist named Bertram Forer told his students that he was going to present them each with an individualized sketch of their personality. What the students didn’t know was that each sketch was exactly the same. The sketch consisted of twelve points, which included the following:^[1]

1. You have a great need for other people to like and admire you.
2. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.
3. You have a great deal of unused capacity, which you have not turned to your advantage.
4. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.
5. Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside.

Does this sound like you? If it does, you’re not alone.

After presenting the personality sketch, Forer asked his students to rate it according to how well it applied to them. The average rating was 4.26 out of 5, with 5 being ‘excellent.’

This result demonstrates how similar we are to one another, with each student feeling that the twelve statements were uniquely applicable to them. While people may behave in ways that hide feelings like worry and insecurity, studies like this show that they affect everyone. By keeping this in mind, you’ll find it much easier to relate to others and form genuine connections.

Most humans have very similar needs.

In 1943, a psychologist named Abraham Maslow proposed a ‘hierarchy of needs,’ which represented a variety of human needs in the form of a pyramid.^[2] The idea of the pyramid is that in order to move to the next level, the needs of the level below must first be met. For example, before you’re able to fulfill the need for friendship, you must first fulfill basic needs like food and water.

All humans have the same basic needs.

At the base of the pyramid, physiological needs like air, food, and water are listed. The next level deals with safety needs, including personal and financial security. Next comes the level which deals with love and belonging, and includes the need for family, friendship, and intimacy. The next level is labelled ‘esteem,’ and refers to the need to be respected by others and by ourselves.

Respect from others could come in the form of recognition for achievements, positive attention, or high status. Self-respect involves personal strength, independence, and freedom, regardless of others.

We all want to achieve our full potential.

The next pyramid level is labelled ‘self-actualization,’ which refers to achieving your full potential. The way this level manifests itself could be different from person to person – while one might dream of becoming a famous artist, another could aspire to become a successful writer. While our dreams may be different, this theory suggests that the route to achieving them is actually very similar.

Helping others is important for everyone.

While self-actualization was once considered the top of the pyramid, Maslow actually added another layer later in his life. This layer is labelled ‘self-transcendence,’ and refers to achieving altruistic goals, outside of the individual. This could involve charity work, helping others, or helping the environment.

By remembering that we’re fundamentally very similar to other humans, it’s much easier to avoid feeling negative and lonely. Rather than focusing on the ways you feel different from others, try to direct your attention towards everything you have in common. You’ll feel happier, more motivated, and more connected to others.

Reference

[1]	^	Wikipedia: Forer effect
[2]	^	Simply Psychology: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

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Newest Finding: Depression Might Be An Allergic Reaction To Inflammation

The root causes of depression are still debatable, despite the science that’s gone into understanding it. However, new developments have emerged that suggest its origin in some people stems directly from inflammation^[1] in the body, which can happen when the body’s immune system goes rogue. The idea that inflammation may play a role in depression has been rising among scientists and researchers, and an article at Psychology Today offers a plan of action to control inflammation and the debilitating effects of depression.

The article’s author, psychiatry expert Dr. Wei, recommends incorporating healthy habits into daily routines because healthy lifestyle changes have been shown to reduce inflammation:

To curb stress and age-related inflammation, Dr. Wei reveals that exercising is a key strategy that works. Just 2-3 bouts of exercise each week offers physical benefits, and 2-4 hours of walking lowers the risk further. It is also recommended to avoid chronic stress at all costs since it highly contributes to an influx in inflammation.

To naturally boost antioxidants in the body to ward off inflammation, Dr. Wei suggests practicing yoga. This and other mind-body techniques have been shown to be beneficial in as little as 20 minutes through the breathing exercises they offer.

Lastly, a proper diet should consist of anti-inflammatory foods and beverages. It’s best to avoid red meat, white bread, pastries, soda, and fried foods (not an all-inclusive list), to avoid fanning the fires of inflammation.

Consume fish, nuts, olive oil, and fruits and vegetables, because these foods offer the armor needed to guard against inflammation.

This article sheds new light on the relationship between depression and inflammation. Those afflicted with depression can gain a better understanding of lifestyle factors that may be triggering their depression as well as practical strategies they can use to combat depression.

Over time, understanding what links these two afflictions, inflammation and depression, might lead to better treatments. For now, people who suffer from depression can find solace in knowing that researchers are hard at work to get there.

Reference

[1]

^

Psychology Today: New Research Shows Depression Linked With Inflammation

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Mentally Strong People Don't Just Tell Themselves To Be Happy, They Do These 4 Things

Do you ever find yourself wondering why you aren’t happier? Sometimes, it seems like the act of saying you’re happy isn’t enough to actually make you happy. It’s a good start, sure, but don’t stop there. Mentally powerful people don’t just hope for happiness, they take action to make it a reality. Why? Because they understand that life is meant to be enjoyed. So, without further delay, here are four things that mentally strong people do to achieve happiness.

1. They don’t base their happiness on achieving things that are out of their hands

Focus on the things you can control, and you’ll find that you’re more motivated and less worried about failure. For example, you can’t know when you’ll find love or when you’ll be able to afford your dream house. If you base your happiness on these unknowns, your mental health will suffer as long as they remain out of your reach. So, instead pay attention to how often you make efforts to bring yourself closer to your goals. Measuring small things like the steps you take toward a goal can immediately make you more certain and less worried about a situation. It’s a wonderful tool for self improvement.

2. They shift their worries away from the long-term problem

Instead focus on daily practices that will help you solve that problem. Worrying about the way things will turn out in the distant future is worse than unhelpful; it’s the cause of much unneeded stress. For example, if you’re worried about a piano recital or a public speaking engagement you have in a month, focus on preparing for it each day instead of worrying about how it will turn out. Trust that your present efforts will help you achieve what you want if you make them a routine.

3.They keep track their emotions using a bullet journal

A bullet journal^[1]. Do you listen to all of the things your inner voice tells you? No, I’m not talking about your voice of wisdom when I say inner voice. I’m talking about the voice of fear: the voice that tells you why you can’t do something and why you’ll never amount to anything compared with the success of a family member. Are you familiar with that voice? Try this. Next time it speaks up and tells you you’re not good enough, ask it one simple question: “why?” You always have the right to ask this question. Remember that most of us are stronger, smarter, and more capable than we believe ourselves to be. Don’t let fear-based thoughts hold you back from your true potential.

Happiness is really quite simple when you remove all the preconceived notions that tell you otherwise. However, getting the things you want out of life and learning to be content and happy as you move towards your goals takes some effort. You’ll find that an open mind and perseverance are key. Using these tools, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be as happy as you want to be.

Reference

[1]

^

BuzzFeed News: Here’s How To Use a Bullet Journal for Better Mental Health) )is a personal mix between a diary, a to-do list, and a planner. You can make lists and graphs every day that describe how you’re feeling physically and emotionally and the reasons for specific feelings throughout the day. You can also use the journal to track your daily habits. You will have a clear readout of how long you spent studying, exercising, and watching TV. A bullet journal is a wonderful tool that will help you see and change your habits. Better than that, it will show you how the changes you make each day effect your moods. 4. They don’t ignore their negative emotions Try again. Ignoring negative emotions can actually be extremely harmful to your mental health. It’s better for you to challenge them((BuzzFeed News: 21 Little Ways To Be Happier in 2017

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Reazling These 5 Things Can Help You Find The One More Easily

Lamenting our single status is easy when we’re surrounded by people in love and constant reminders that we haven’t found that perfect person yet. It can lead to a spiral of overthinking, believing there must be something wrong with us or (ridiculously) that we’re just plain unlovable.

While getting in this mindset from time to time is natural, there are some thought patterns and habits we can fall into that don’t serve us and actually may well be preventing us from letting that great lover gravitate into our lives.

With that in mind, here are 5 realizations we need to make in order to get into the right mindset to meet the next love of our lives.

1. Stop Playing The Comparison Game

Comparison breeds misery. We need to understand that we’re all on our own unique journey and so comparing your single life to your best friend’s happy marriage won’t get you anywhere. Everyone has their own problems which aren’t always apparent on the surface so appreciating your single status without feeling that you’re being left behind or failing compared to others, is the only way to stay in a healthy and happy mindset.

Appreciate that your single status gives you a chance to do what you want to do, when you want to do it. It’s giving you breathing space to grow and better yourself while feeling anticipation and excitement for the time when your amazing relationship will manifest into your life.

2. Stop Believing There’s Something Wrong With You

If you constantly lament your single status with the all-consuming question of “what the heck is wrong with me?!” then you are really stopping yourself from being in the right frame of mind to find that special someone.

Do you really believe that everyone who’s found love has no insecurities, fears or flaws? Believing there’s something fundamentally wrong with you is what may be holding you back from love. Most of the time your flaws aren’t even real flaws only something you’ve created in your mind. You have to love yourself first before you can let the decent love of someone else in.

3. Find The People Who WANT You Not The People That NEED You

Depending on our mindset, we can attract the wrong kind of people. Be cognizant of people’s motives towards you. We can easily fall for people who are looking for someone to fill a void even if they don’t know it themselves. Beware of needy people and instead give attention to those who genuinely want you. Cutting out the needy ones will help you move forward to finding a genuine person who wants you for the right reasons and you’ll be in with more of a chance of a true, lasting relationship.

4. Identify Those Who Love You Rather Than Those Who Just Chase You

The idea that people need to play hard to get to attract others is a massively flawed premise. Yes, it will create intrigue and an air of mystery that can entice the opposite sex but in reality, it doesn’t make for a lasting relationship. Acting aloof and almost ‘bitchy’ will only attract those who are in for the thrill of the chase rather than seeing you as a potential life partner. Instead, give a chance to the ones looking from the sidelines, the ones that admire you from afar and aren’t into playing games. They’re are the ones brimming with potential.

5. Your List of Ideals Won’t Necessarily Make A Great Soulmate

Writing down a list of ideal attributes is a great way to figure out what kind of future partner you want. After all, we all should have deal-breakers when it comes to certain traits. There is a problem with this, though; what is written down on paper isn’t necessarily going to make them a perfect partner in reality.

So instead of listing stuff such as height, eye color, job or their specific desire to travel, list out ways in which they can be a good partner to you; understanding, supportive, kind, spiritual – all the things that will help you both to grow in the relationship.

Conclusion

Remember, no matter what others tell you or you tell yourself, there is nothing wrong with being single. You aren’t failing and there’s definitely nothing wrong with you. Adopting a positive mindset is key to getting yourself in a good mindful place where you’ll attract, not just anyone, but the absolute right person for you.

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